The simple command of Jesus to love your neighbor as yourself is one of the most deceptively simple thing in the Scriptures. I think that many people have been troubled by this command. It seems reasonable to love God - and to love our neighbor. But then, the third part of the phrase: love yourself - well, easier said than done. This connects to what a psychiatrist mentioned to me decades ago. "For some people, to ask them to love their neighbor as they love themselves - is an awful thing to do to their neighbor."
It seems that, somehow, in the paths of many people's lives, they were taught/told that they should not love themselves. That would be selfish. That would be self-centered. And the most destructive feeling of all, you're not really worth it. An awful lot of people have a very low self image - that is really deep-seated. This shows up in all sorts of ways - relationships, ways we treat others, and a veritable plethora of other situations (I always try to use the phrase "veritable plethora" at least once a year. I can now cross that off my to-do list!)
Continually doubting oneself, making fun of oneself, just not accepting that a person might have value - all these and many more become part of the backpack of stuff carried by those who do not have a strong sense of self. I always remember the poster in the 1960's which was meant to raise people's self-image. It featured a kid from an economically poor neighborhood who just made one statement, "I must be good because don't make junk!")
Gradually trying to change your self-image can be a really tough challenge. It can happen to people who compensate for their low self-image by being people-pleasers - always afraid to say no. It is so hard to switch when you have had to listen for decades to those claiming that you were never good enough - or even just good. (small confession: I've always struggled with a poor self-image, never felt that I had my act together.
This became a clear problem as I have gotten more into my retirement. It was very difficult - and still is -figuring out a balance in my retirement. What requests do I say Yes to = what do I say No to? I have seen over time that I have to have some consistent guidelines - what do I say Yes to - what do I say No to? Do I have an obligation to do things that I would have agreed to do before I was retired? I slowly have become a little more comfortable in saying No - not because I want to - but because I have to. (It was a very ego-deflating thing in some situations where I really struggled and finally said No - then i discovered that the people to whom I said No were more than able to get on with their lives and through a particular situation. These little snippets of self-knowledge do pop out more during retirement - a good thing.
I'm being self-aware when I just do not accept commitments that involve a lot of driving, especially at night. I have noticed that few couples who are kind enough to want me to witness their vows actually have as the first question in their planning for their wedding: Will Jim be too wiped out to deal with a wedding more than a 20 minute drive from his apartment? I might be able to do some wedding if someone else drives - but I have found that I am still wiped out in terms of energy, stress, etc. regardless of whether i drove or was driving. Saying NO has become part of self-care that I never used to be concerned about. SIgh.
All of this verbal meandering is about issues that I never paid any attention to over the decades. But, if I want to last a decent number of years, I have to take care of myself. Self-care is how I respond to Jesus' command to love God, neighbor, and self. I spent a lifetime not doing one of those three things - now I must make up for lost time.