Jim Mahoney's Blog - Sacred to Etc.

My friends are getting older? Am I? September 26, 2020

Here is a composite photo of my friends. As you can see, many are over 70. To be totally transparent, I have only met one of these people - the man with the white skullcap. I'm happy to call him a friend - but so can 1.3 billion people on earth. What on earth is my point in this post? Simple - since my birthday, I have started to think about some simple facts of life. The majority of my friends are now in their seventies - certainly not all - a number are younger, but not that many. At the same time their ages continue to creep up, it seems that my age continues to creep up at the same pace. Go figure.

What is the point of this excessive naval-gazing? I think that we all need to take stock of our lives at certain points to figure out the metrics - not in terms of how much we have done, but rather in terms of how much we have grown - and, most especially, helped others to grow. Age takes a toll, but it is sometimes a relative toll. I see that Bruce Springsteen had his 71st birthday last week. I would not look at him as old. 

One word used in demographics to describe groups as they move along in age is cohorts. So folks in my cohort are getting older as a group. Sigh.

THis unremarkable information is actually a good reminder to take stock of what is going on in our lives. Philosophers phrased these reminders by noting that the unexamined life is not worth living. A bit harsh, but you get the point. We all can benefit from reflecting on where we have come from and where we are going. I've done a lot of reflecting as I have been cleaning out the accumulation of papers no longer needed, memories possibly gone, initiatives completed,  a few little things left undone for someone else. I've worked in diocesan administration since 1976 - that is a long time. 

I find this especially important as I look back at the time since the pandemic began. Where did these months go? Where did people go whom I connected with somewhat frequently? It seemed like so many people had just disappeared or were no longer connecting.  Can I emote just a little bit and say that it makes me very sad. The pandemic, the massive social changes, all the ways in which our world is different - do make me sad. My close friends and even less close friends were a valued part of the fabric of my that just seemed to go POOF. I don't like it. I guess I don't really like change. 

I am hurtling towards the next phase of my life which starts at midnight on October 1. Then I am totally completely fully retired (other than saying Mass at the parish - which I treasure). I feel like I lost sight or even forgot a lot of things occurring during the pandemic thus far - the reality is that I was very busy, but things seemed to go with a rapid blur. The world, the tragedies, the troubling political hysteria, and so many things become too much for me to easily process and remember. My hope is that I will become more thoughtful and focused during the rest of this pandemic when I retire.

I do miss my close friends who have been away or submerged. I miss all my less close, but still, valued friends. I have not handled the isolation terribly well, but give thanks that I was healthy and my closest friends were healthy as well. That is not something to be ignored. I'm grateful to God for those blessings.

October 1 - I'm freed of responsibilities. Now is the time to plan NOT to lose the joy of that freedom - and the joy of connecting with those I love and value.

Time for some course corrections, ever so slightly, but ever so necessary. May this be me in my new phase:

 

 

Observing a birthday last week - September 20, 2020

 

Last week, I had a birthday. I'm kind of squirrely about birthdays. I tend to be shy (more than tend) and am uncomfortable with that kind of attention. It did set in motion a lot of thinking about the passage of years - thoughts about legacy - thoughts about having made a difference - thought about people whose lives have passed into eternal life. I also have been having trouble in the last few years equating the age on my driver's license with what seems like a rapid passage of time. Not too long ago, I looked at people who were my present age - not as elderly - but certainly not spring chickens. But what can you do?

I know that the later years are a time when the person looks at the totality of their life - what have they done - what is their legacy - and, most importantly, did they make a difference in the world. To put all of this into a spiritual context, we reach a time of judgment at the time we die. There is one question we are asked by God - a question that comes from everything Jesus said in the Gospels: Is the world a better place because you passed through it? My answer this week:  I think so. I hope so. I do know that I tried my best in a lot of ways.

I have been blessed with an abundance of friends, a plethora of people who seem to like me - for reasons that I cannot understand. I received a lot of e-cards and notes on my birthday. They made me feel good. Now it is time to think about the next phase. I know that one of the changes to make will come shortly. I'll have this long-awaited opportunity to get my act together. I'm determined to do it.

So happy birthday to me. God has been good to me. My friends have been wonderful to me. As the photo above shows, now I must wipe the cake off my face and get back to work. I truly don't have much time left to work - as will become clear shortly. But I do have time to relax and to grow and hopefully continue to become a better person and friend. I might even have time to play!

 

 

The Flaws and Cracks in Families - We may not be that unique - September 13, 2020

 

Today's Gospel from Matthew ends with these harsh, even scary words, from Jesus:

"His master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you your entire debt because you begged me to.
Should you not have had pity on your fellow servant, as I had pity on you?’
Then in anger his master handed him over to the torturers until he should pay back the whole debt.
So will my heavenly Father do to you, unless each of you forgives your brother from your heart.” 

No matter how hard we try to nuance the words of Jesus, it is clear that forgiveness was a very big deal for Jesus. He was not ambiguous. He was not simply calling us to a higher ideal. He clearly meant it with towards and tone that were unmistakable. Most people wrestle with this reality and try to come up with some wiggle-room around Jesus' words. One approach some use is to say that, of course, we forgive so and so, but we can never forget what they did. I do this myself, but deep down, I can't come up with a comfort level that this is what God is asking of us.

Nowhere is this more common than in family life. Families can be the Ground Zero for conflict, grudges, and anger for many people. I can easily think of a hundred funerals that I have celebrated where one or more family members were estranged from each other. The number is probably higher than a hundred = because I only knew specifically of these situations. But family grudges, misunderstandings, feuds, estrangements can be a continuous poison in a lot of families. I think of the families where different family members were disowned. I hear about the celebration of holidays that are rich with strife. Often many people are just so undone by family interactions that they eventually try to avoid family gatherings at all. In my own family, some parts of the family I never for decades due to some members being alienated from each other. It was only during the last year of my mother's life that I first learned that I had an additional uncle that no one ever mentioned. Surprise. Surprise. Sigh. Well, it happens.

Some people have these estrangements and keep them quiet. They feel ashamed - and are certain that no one knows about them on the outside - or just feel that everyone else has stable nurturing family relationships and they are the only ones whose family is filled with conflict. It is complicated and filled with pain.

Last night, I came across a brief book review in the New York Times about families with these problems. The title of the book is: Fault Lines - Fractured Families and How to Mend Them. The author is Harold Pillemer, a family sociologist from Cornell. I used the wonderful miracle of the information superhighway and downloaded the book immediately. It was a little heavy, but the writing was profoundly clear and not filled with jargon. For me, it read like a sociological thriller. I could not put it down. It confirmed some hunches, gave me all sorts of ways to understand people and families. I scrapped my homily for Sunday morning and developed a new homily using the insights of this book. There are very few times when I read something and just say, Wow. Last night was one of them.

Let me sum up the major findings: there is some hope for people who are estranged from their families; the problem is far more common than people might think (over 50,000,000 are estranged from their families; estrangement can be addressed; some possible solutions are simple, rather than complex. The bottom line is that many had deeply missed their family experiences and gingerly were open to trying to change things, but naturally were very cautious to do so. The book is about pain and loss - and ways to heal. To use the author's word, ways to mend.

I'm not a therapist. I do not have therapeutic skills. However, I have observed hundreds and hundreds of families in all sorts of situations - I've seen them at their best, at their worst, at their craziest, and at their most mundane. My sociological and analytical skills aren't bad. If experience and some insights count for anything, my hunch is that a lot of people who are estranged from their families or families where people are estranged from them = might find some paths to healing in this book. The path to healing won't be quick, but it is possible. There is hope.

If you're estranged from your family or you have family members who are estranged, this could be a way to heal, to mend. Let God help you. Let you help you.

(This is available from amazon.com, barnes and noble, and other book services.)

 

 

9-11 - Jesus Weeps with Us - September 11, 2020

It is so difficult to believe that the unspeakable horror of 9-11 was just nineteen years ago. The emotions and the memory of that day are still fresh, jolting, and compelling. In my lifetime, there were only two events that everyone absolutely remembers where they were when a particular event happened - the assassination of President Kennedy - and the attack on our nation on 9-11. It is now a clear measure of time when we think about those 19 years.

It is a sign of age that we now have a new generation that does not have the same memories because they are too young. For them, 9-11 is an event in the history books rather than experience that is permanently wedding to our minds and emotions. I can remember so easily the names of the people in our community who lost a family member. I always remember the parishioners who had a relative killed at that time. It is so easy to recall the first responders and all that they sacrificed for the rest of us. 

The present pandemic is a horrible but permanent connection to 9-11 as well - different causes, certainly, but the common feature of sadness and grieving is still there.

I was awake very early this morning - and prayed and thought for all the 9-11 victims. But I then thought with sadness about the things that, despite the intense grieve and sorrow, there are still areas of our lives where we have not changed. Remember all the resolutions so many of us made to change our lives. Remember how we were determined not to take people for granted. Remember how we were going to work on being even more grateful, more spiritual, and so many other things. But over time, these good intentions dissipated.

This anniversary is another time to try to get it right - another time to remember - and hopefully another time to try to get it right. We must. 

May God have mercy on the souls who died on this day. May God have mercy on all of us and help us vow to never forget.

Sigh. 

Labor Day - September 7, 2020

 

 

Labor Day has always been a paradox. As some commentators have noted, we celebrate "work" with a day of "not work." In truth, I always pray for people on Labor Day who do not have jobs. Certainly the time since the pandemic began has made it difficult for many people, a time when many businesses are struggling or closed, a time when there is just so much uncertainty in our world.

Who founded Labor Day? No one knows whether Peter McGuire or Matthew McGuire founded Labor Day. Frankly, my read of the history is that both had some part in it, but the history is not conclusive. I tend towards Peter since he had a connection to Paterson, N.J. and so do I.  In our crazy and confounding world, that surely suffices for scientific proof.

For many, Labor Day is a time for picnics, getting together with friends, and just relaxing. In the midst of all that, we should stop, remember, and pray for those who are without work. When my father's job was eliminated due to a buyout by a larger company, he was out of work for a year. I always remember the sight of him reading the "Help Wanted" columns in our local newspaper - profoundly sad time which has always remained with me. I grit my teeth when I hear economists mention a certain acceptable level of unemployment. Their premise is that if unemployment is at that "acceptable" level, then things are fine.  That may be true for people who have jobs, but it is not true for people without jobs. I never forgot that.

Another part of celebrating Labor Day also includes the role of protecting the workers in our country.  Clearly, working conditions have improved from years ago. Yet, did you notice the meat packing factories which had meteoric rises in the numbers of those with the coronavirus.  Working conditions still are not what they should be. Sigh.

On this Labor Day, celebrate if you can - and if you have a job. Pray for those without work - for those without medical benefits - for those who are not as blessed as most of us are today.

I do have one personal tradition about celebrating Labor Day.  I salivate at the thought of a Nathan's hot dog. Don't stand between me and a Nathan's hot dog and maybe an ear of corn today. (Full transparency, I just checked out the "healthy" ratings on a Nathan's hot dog.  Words like "unhealthy" were sprinkled through the rating.  That seems unkind, at least on Labor Day!)

Saint Joseph - protect the workers.

 

 

 

May we never forget - September 6, 2020

Let no one dishonor the fallen. Let no one take for granted the sacrifices they have made for us, for our freedoms. 

Let no one give an example to our children that they should not respect the sacrifice of the military. 

Let no one not support parents and family members whose children and spouses have made the ultimate sacrifice.

At hundreds of funerals for soldiers and veterans over the past 47 years, I have stood by graves as our flag was unfurled and placed on the casket. Every person there stood in silence and respect. Taps was played and people cried - in sorrow for the loss and in thanksgiving for the ultimate sacrifice that was made.

May we never forget.

Let no one raise the charge that these sentiments are partisan. 

I/We love our country. I/We cherish our military.

 

Civil Discourse - A Lost Art? - September 3, 2020

 

A new archbishop of Saint Louis, Mitchell Rozanski,  was officially installed last week. I really liked his words about civil discourse. What he said was better than I could have written, so I['m sharing it with you:

 

"Our civil discourse these days is not very civil; when a person shares a differing opinion, the tendency to demonize the other, often in deeply personal ways, eclipses any type of dialogue, common ground or understanding. And as Catholics – as Christians – we need to ask: Where is God in all this? 

 

We need only look at the words of Jesus in today’s Gospel: “Love one another as I have loved you.” How many times have we heard these words of Jesus from the Gospel of John? That Jesus wanted his own to “Love one another as he has loved us.” In the midst of a pandemic, a societal reckoning on the life issue of race relations, an atrophied civic discourse – and, yes, the often-sinful polemics we now face within our Church – loving one another seems to be a tough thing to do these days. Yet, my friends, we are called to be a people of hope!" 

 

I've read his words over and over. How the heck can we be a people of hope if we do not try to change the civil discourse in our nation? Do political leaders not care about the example that our children receive? This must be so discouraging for parents who are trying to do the right thing. We must. 

 

Sigh.

Made in God's Image - September 1, 2020

 

I'm somewhat melancholy today. So many things are awry in our world, and in our nation. 

Look at the above picture. Do I seem like the type of person you might find at a protest?  Probably not, but you never know. I know.  Lately, our nation has experienced a number of protests.  Some of them seem quite legitimate. Some seem suspicious where those involved are probably people from other areas trying to stir up violence. Growing up in Chicago in the 1960's, protests were quite familiar to most people. Usually, they involved protests about civil rights or issues of war and peace. Frequently, protests had a spiritual component to them. You can identify religious sisters in habits as part of the above civil rights protests in the 1960's. The major song during those protests was We Shall Overcome. 

I am really saddened at some of the recent protests which have turned into violence.  To see neighborhoods in flames is beyond wrong. Those who do that are criminals. The causes are complex, but the results only serve to weaken our nation. Peaceful protests can strengthen our nation on critical issues. Violence just gives in to the racists and anarchists. 

I lived once with a priest who was a racist. How I regret never speaking out even as a younger priest. I am also saddened when I hear people of Irish origins express their own sly racism. Have they lost sight of our history.

I know that this topic is so complicated - and touches many people in different ways. Children do not come in the world prejudiced. They learn it from others. Shame on those who gave them that example.

What I know for certain is this:  God created us in his own image and likeness. To not honor every person as made in the image of God is morally wrong. It is just so sad. I'm still melancholy. 

How innocent they are: