"For what it's worth: it's never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live life you're proud of, and if you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again." F. Scott Fitzgerald
Several months ago, I started to think about writing 100 posts in a row for this blog. Why? Well, for starters, I have never done 100 posts in a row. I have great expectations, especially during the time of Lent - I start out strong - and then a host of things just get in the way. In truth, I think that the most I ever wrote continuously may have been about 30.
So why do this now? Am I setting myself up for failure? Admittedly, failure takes on a whole different perspective when I announce through this blog what I'm doing. It is much more private and less embarrassing when I just fail at things no one knows about, i.e. Lenten resolutions, New Year's resolutions.
Why 100? It is a nice round number. It is also a significant feat which I have never been able to pull off. There are other reasons as well. Going forward after these 100 posts, I’ll announce the number of posts for the next series that I'll work on. It will give me some variety. Hopefully, it will also give me the confidence to keep going and reach the goal.
I do enjoy writing. Often, I can write quickly. I am verbally facile (have no idea what that means!). The problem in sticking with these goals may simply be a matter of proper habit development. So I'm going to use what I share with people who are confronted with similar situations. This is essentially learning a new habit. To have a habit sink in, I know that you have to do it 30-40-50 times to make an inner change. So this is why I am throwing caution to the wind and going for 100 in a row. My hope is that by the time I reach 100 posts in a row, I'll have a new habit that I can use easily in the future.
I also want to write as concisely and efficiently as possible. So - the shorter the better, the more it is remembered. Same as in preaching: people remember a concise homily. Few remember or tolerate a homily that just goes on and on and on.
These posts will be on spiritual and other things. The spiritual dimension on today's topic is clear: The Grace of Starting Over. In our Judeo-Christian tradition, we are given the grace to start over when we have fouled things up. The chance to begin again is a really comforting thing. Our religion gives us a way to begin again - actually a number of ways to begin again.
The most obvious is through going to confession. That is the "Sacrament of Beginning Again." Do you look at it that way? We really should because Jesus offers us the chance to get everything behind us and start over. It is a sacrament of freedom.
When we foul things up, that does not mean that it is sin - although sometimes it can be if we hurt other people, hurt ourselves or walk away from God. We must be active in the process of beginning again. In simple terms that are anything but simple, if we hurt others, we need to make amends. If it is impossible to do personally, then we have to pray for them and asked God to help them - and become unrelenting in praying for them. If you have separated yourself from God, just say to God - forgive me - and begin again. Remember the Parable of the Prodigal Son. There is a clear reason why Scripture scholars today believe it is misnamed. In fact, this is the Parable of the Forgiving Father - a much better description/definition of how much God loves us.
"Starting Over" means that we put behind us the things that brought us down. Much easier said than done - but so worth it. I don't know about you, but I tend to hold on to things. I don't let go. If you ask me (please don't), I can rattle off instantly the names of people who hurt me, harassed me, bothered me, and a whole host of other things. In truth, this is one of my least attractive traits. I work on this constantly. Maybe this 100 day stretch will help me move beyond that. Nothing has worked completely in this area for me in decades.
A nagging thing about "starting over" is that often it requires forgiving ourselves. I believe that the difficult task of forgiving ourselves is a key to being holy or well-integrated. I don't do this well at all. Do you?
This post is much longer than I had anticipated. Sorry about that. But the topic did start me thinking about future posts in this series.
I'm going to close the post each day with a "gratitude" sentence or two. For me, regrets are easy to list - gratitudes are not that easy. But I hope that this becomes an easier thing through the 100 days of this series.
TODAY'S GRATITUDE: With the topic, I'm just grateful for the grace to start over. May I be as effective in truly letting go as I hope to be. May I be unafraid to let go of the negative things in the past – and just revel in the positive things.