The power outages over the past several days caused me to keep thinking about the song and the question: Are you running on empty? Am I?
The above graphic might contain some wisdom for a lot of people. I know that I feel this a lot. I do tend to work too hard. I know that there are various phrases that can be used to put a label on how I feel at times: "working too hard" - "never truly get refreshed" - "burnout" - and that frustrating occupational hazard - "compassion fatigue" - a quality that I think affects a lot of people in my line of life. As I get older, it seems harder to get things under control.
I must confess that, despite these feelings, I cannot lose sight of the fact that I have had a very blessed life. I have wonderful friends. I have had a phenomenal education and had contact with people who are simply the best in the world or in their field. I am blessed in so many ways. I believe that strongly.
There are so many wonderful parts of being in a particular parish community for far longer than most priests. This was due to a variety of circumstances - some of which were serendipitous. There is, however, one real down side - or at least one part which is profoundly difficult for me. Unlike many pastors, when people die - I realize that the things which bring me down the most are the deaths. I am not simply burying parishioners. I am burying those who, over decades, became friends, good friends. When this pattern is repeated over and over again - then the fatigue sets in. It becomes most painful when the person who dies has gone home to God at a far earlier age than most - and, I have known the person, possibly since birth, and often I have known their family for decades.
Since I turned 70, this is what brings me down - without good recovery skills. I know all the psychological remedies for what I am feeling. While I bristle at the thought that I suffer from terminal uniqueness, I still find it authentically hard. So I have been praying hard for wisdom - what do I do in coping - what should I do at this time in my life - is it time to make some significant changes? I have some strong hunches which have been coming clearer over the past year.
My Lenten prayer - and, in fact, my prayer for easily the past year - God, help me. Not a bad prayer for Lent. A good prayer for me on any day. Perhaps a good prayer for you.
TODAY's GRATITUDE - I am so grateful for a veritable plethora (that's a great phrase and I have no idea what it means!) of good and great friends.