March 28, 2015
Ok, I'm human. I have flagrantly fouled up my most public Lenten resolutions. This is somewhat embarrassing, even mortifying. I had proudly (bad move) and confidently begun the Season of Lent with the sincere conviction of posting a blog every single day during Lent. It was a good spiritual exercise for me. Many people seemed to find it of some help.
The last blog I posted was 14 days ago saying that I was not going to be able to keep up with this commitment. I was sick as a dog. Naturally kept on doing all of the things that had to be done at this really busy time of year. My mental sharpness was clearly less so. I just couldn't do it. The sinus infection really knocked me for a loop. And, as is my custom, I just continued with pretty much everything else. Missed no Masses, talks, retreat sessions, meetings, appointments, anointings, or anything. For a while, did not preach because I did not want to lose the remaining voice that I had. I was really kicking myself for not working at capacity. I was not sleeping.
Had a very nice encounter with a parishioner at the grocery store yesterday. She mentioned that she was glad that I did not preach at Mass when my sinus infection was flourishing. She said that it showed I was taking care of myself - which was a good example. I had in no way thought of what I did as a good example. In terms of love of God, neighbor, and self, I'm pretty good on the first two, but wretched on the third type of love, love of self. Everyone else always comes first. Those kind and caring comments of a parishioner really caused me to look again at the demands that I place on myself. Perhaps it is ok to foul up, not make some commitments, and even be sane in the remaining time of Lent.
I will not even bring up that I've had some horrible knee pain over the past week. Again, cannot sleep. Just dragging literally and figuratively. A kind and wise doctor is helping me.
This post really seems to just be me whining, complaining, venting, being frustrated, upset with myself, and feeling overburdened. I do recognize that I scheduled far too many things for the last three weeks of Lent. In the best of health and temperament, it would have been difficult to find the time to write the posts. It is growth when I realize that I've been over-scheduled. It can be more growth if I figure out not to over-schedule in the future. It is also disconcerting to realize that I cannot do everything. Sigh.
Tomorrow's blog - I will do the second part of a three part posting on forgiveness - and share some things that I have done to forgive those who have hurt me the most.
LENTEN RESOLUTION SCOREBOARD - FOR YESTERDAY - WHAT WAS KEPT - WHAT WAS NOT
H - No;
B - No;
P1 - No;
P2 - No;
S - No