March 13, 2015
I am late posting this blog today, but am at least in the proper calendar day so the Lenten resolution to post in the blog every day still is being respected. In an effort to be exuberantly self-centered, I just don't feel good. Earlier today, my doctor made the wild assertion that I have sinusitis just because I had every symptom for this malady. Naturally, my sinusitis is worse than anyone else's sinusitis in the history of humanity. It is amazing that I can even type on the keyboard I must be a brave and courageous fellow.
Now that I have got this out of my system (well, at least intellectually), time to post. I'm going to spread this topic over three blogs - because they are so many things so say - and I want to keep them somewhat distinct.
Lots of people have trouble with forgiveness, myself included. It may be one of the most difficult things to do as a follower of Jesus. DIstressingly, Jesus is very clear about forgiveness. Even in the greatest prayer of all, the Lord's Prayer, Jesus includes forgiveness as part of our relationship with God: "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us."
In case you think that Jesus was referring to trespassing on someone's property, nice try. You might want to say that Jesus is talking about trespassing on someone's property. Sadly, wrong. He is talking about those who have sinned against us and the need to forgive them. It is that simple. It becomes that complicated.
I believe that God wants us to be free. We are never going to be free unless we have forgiven everyone. It is interesting that we can all come up with reasons why we do not forgive someone. If you're like me, you might be very creative in trying to squirm out of forgiving someone who has really done you in. I go through the mental and spiritual gymnastics of declaring that those who did things against me are evil. Therefore, Jesus really could not hold me to forgiving these people, evil that they are. To put it in the starkest spiritual terms, on the Day of Judgment, do you want to have to explain to God why you never forgave that so-and-so who did something to you? Somehow, I fear that God will instantly look into my heart and find that I just have not forgiven. It will not be a happy encounter. We really have to forgive.
I'm going to use this first posting to simply identify the major people that I had never forgiven in my life. May it can prod you to think about this as well - and, if you have the same people, so much the better! Right now, I can think of four people who, at various times, really did me in and I did not forgive them for years. I have had the good fortune to have all but one of these people move out of the area. It is so much easier to forgive a person when you do not have to see them. But still it can get complicated.
In my Top Five Hard to Forgive Hit Parade, the first was a priest, first name began with J. Father J actively tried to do me in at the highest levels of the diocese decades ago. I had the effrontery to discuss with him about something on a matter of principle. He never forgave me (I should not say that because it is snarky, but it is true). When he died, I went to his funeral. Due to traffic, I arrived late and stood in the back of the church. A priest friend came up to me, smiled, and said, "Oh, you wanted to be sure that he was dead." I did agree.
The second was also a priest, not going to give his first initial because it would be too easy to figure out, so I'll just call him Father #. Again, tried to do me in. I had been incredibly kind to him, saved his reputation, and still he did things to me that were incredibly nasty. He's dead.
(I hope that you do not think that I just made a case that, if you offend me or hurt me, you will die. That seems like a little of a stretch.)
The third was a woman parishioner. She has moved away, thank goodness. A nasty, vicious, insulting person. If she inhaled the same oxygen I did, it would make me tense and send my blood pressure skyrocketing. I just saw her as a zealous hypocrite who lacked any real integrity at all.
The fourth was a male parishioner who I had to have interactions with both in the parish and beyond the parish. Smut, arrogant, nasty, and so convinced that he was right and I and others were wrong that he even threatened to take action in newspapers to hurt me and others. He moved to another state, thank goodness.
The fifth is a male parishioner who is still here. To keep anonymity, I'll call him Mr. @. I'm not going to identify anything about him, that would not be fair. But, oh, does he get to me.
Tomorrow, I'll share what I had to do with these five people to get to the point of forgiving them. Maybe my process might be helpful to you. I must confess that Mr. @ still gets to me big-time, but I have edged a little into forgiveness.
I know that forgiveness is not easy. On the above five people, it has been really hard. But I can tell you and will explain more - that the failure to forgive means that we are keeping ourselves in chains, preventing us from being free. I know categorically that this is not what God wants for us.
LENTEN RESOLUTION SCOREBOARD - FOR YESTERDAY - WHAT WAS KEPT - WHAT WAS NOT
H - No;
B - Yes;
P1 - No;
P2 - Yes;
S - No