One of the dictionary definitions of "funk" is "to be in a dejected mood." This is essentially why I have not posted on this blog since last September. I have been in a funk. The reasons for this were a combination of different things - personal, physical, occupational, spiritual, and emotional. They just all converged from different directions over the past five months. (For any armchair psychologists reading this and seeking to name this or diagnose me, this funk was not clinical depression, but something else.)
There is a delightful Latin phrase, nemo dabet quod non habet, loosely translated - you cannot give what you do not have. I fear that I have not had very much to give over the past five months. I have done my responsibilities and not shirked from doing things. I hope that I was present to those in need, especially in times of distress and grieving. But it really was an effort, an effort which I tried to make look natural, but in reality, it was difficult and exhausting. Sometimes, when I am in pain, I go on auto-pilot. I'm blessed and cursed with being verbally facile. Ultimately, it is exhausting.
One negative part of the funk was that I had hardly any possible patience for what might inelegantly be called "equine excrement." In ministry, I believe we have to go the extra mile to be magnanimous and filled with equanimity. It is just not helpful if we pop off at people. I came so close to doing this a number of times and would have spent the next year apologizing.
(Warning: this next paragraph is a rant/vent) There is this one parishioner who lives outside the parish boundaries (which is fine and permitted) and is simply nasty. She has no real use for any of the priests (an attitude permitted in America), runs us down to others when we do not adopt her suggestions or methods on certain issues, distorts what we do or do not do, and shares negative things about her coworkers whom I can easily identify. She is divisive and defamatory. It would be temporarily satisfying to really take her on. Why have I just vented about this one person? Easy. Writing this helps me get some perspective. I know that I am not looking at her as Jesus asks. Writing this also reminds me to pray for her - regardless of how she gets under my skin.
In truth, there is a deeper spiritual reason for the above rant/vent. We are chained to a person who has done things to us until we pray for them and forgive them. It is that simple. This process can be as simple and as begrudging as just asking God to help them. I will probably never like this person. She is the only parishioner that I wish was not in the parish. (That is really not bad when you consider all the people at Corpus Christi. It is one of the reasons why I love the parish and the people so much.) But I absolutely must pray for her - and have. Over and over and over again. The interesting thing is that she probably has no idea how much she gets to me. Please don't tell her!
Now that I am emerging ever so slowly from the funk, I'll be sharing some thoughts about events that have happened over the past few months in our society and Church of interest to me and hopefully to you. A lot has gone on. I'll continue to share some impressions from the extraordinary parish pilgrimage we had this past August.
I end this posting by praying for the brave young people in Egypt who are demonstrating for democracy. May our country be clearly and wisely on the right side of this revolution. (so far, so good) While acknowledging geopolitical realities, it is nonetheless troubling that the world's bastion of democracy has found it politically necessary at times to support dictators who oppress their people.
Re-reading this before pushing the dreaded Publish button makes me ask whether this has not been a self-indulgent exercise in narcissism. If it is, please forgive me. I'm tired of the snow and therefore not responsible. That's my answer and I am sticking to it.
And one more thing: In my world, the Jets will beat the Bears this Sunday by 3 points.