Jim Mahoney's Blog - Sacred to Etc.

Why Do This? - and Welcome!

(You can find the necessary disclaimers in the Profile section of the blog.)

Over time, the nature of this blog will inevitably evolve. I'm fully retired now which means that my interests have evolved also. I have absolutely no desire to be a culture warrior. I do have a desire to help people grow in their faith and journey with Jesus along the paths, often laden with rocks, of their lives. If I find things that might be interesting for you to read from other sources, I'll include them.

My plan is to make a post to this blog at least once a week, but often more. 

I have pretty much written these posts, hundreds of them, and just left them alone to grow like wild weeds available for anyone to pick, pick up, or do other things to it.  That no longer works for me.  So I will now keep on the blog posts from the past several weeks. Each post was written at a particular point in time - and often is not meant to be a permanent place in history. We are at a particular point in time where there is much division, seemingly intractable, among and between groups.  Personally, I'm not a culture warrior. If you want a culture warrior, there are plenty of places to find them.

I am grateful to the surprisingly large number of people who have found my blog helpful to them, more than I ever expected. I write this for them and hope to continue doing so. The number of times that someone has taken great issue with something I wrote are few. But like most people, I remember the attacks more than the accolades. Something that I always have to work on.

Often, I am unconsciously writing to myself - and if someone happens to want to read it, that is good. When I preach, I find that I am somehow preaching first to myself - to listen to the message of Jesus and figure it out so the Good News of Jesus can be shared.

In glancing at what I have written over the years, I am bemused at how much more personal and forthcoming I have been in the blog than in most other areas of my life. Go figure. I'm an introvert!

God bless. 

 

 

Keep the Flame Going - Easier Said than Done - April 9, 2012

Which Flame are You like? Which Flame is your Parish like?

Do you keep things going - for yourself - Does your parish?

Or do things turn to this?

(I feel more visual than verbal today.)

It is incredibly hard to keep things going - to keep momentum - in regular activities - in relationships - and in parishes. 

Do you just let yourself coast?  Does your parish just coast?

 

 

Some brief thoughts:  When relationships just coast, we will be in trouble unless we act to change.

Parishes that coast will ultimately wither and die - even though many people will still come to church. But they are held captive by a routine, not the promise of new life that a parish can and should offer. 

One of the most exciting thing about Catholic parishes are those that resolutely refuse to coast.  To never stop trying things. To recognize that their parishioners are their customers - and, therefore, they have to meet their needs, find out what they want, and connect with their dreams.

Many successful marriages, successful partnerships, know the value of date nights, giving each other space when needed, listening without speaking, and just celebrating the gift of each other - every single day. A relationship is hard work. It is that simple, but few things on earth can be as rewarding.

Easter is our celebration of the dream that never dies. The most incredible dream we could ever have. The non-abandoning love of God.

Don't coast. It is not worth it. Be drawn to the empty tomb - and realize what draws us beyond that tomb - and into eternal life.

(Entering the tomb of Jesus in the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, Jerusalem - The most sacred place on earth - with the exception of anywhere that Mass is celebrated!)

 

 

Sorry, Easter Bunny! - April 2, 2021

This post has nothing to do with Santa Claus. It is all about the Easter Bunny and a little about Santa Claus. During the decades while I was pastor, I served once as the Easter Bunny at a parish function and once as Santa Claus. Both events were fun. 

I was thinking this morning about the Easter Bunny and Santa this morning. I knew the background of Santa Claus, especially through Saint Nicholas (living in the Morristown area, how could you not believe in Saint Nicholas!) I was somewhat puzzled about the origin of the Easter Bunny. Frankly, after doing a little research, I am still puzzled. 

The best I could come up with was a few strands in history involving German Lutherans. The Easter Bunny would judge who had been good or bad - and give gifts based upon this assessment. The story did not really cause me to say, "Wow!"

There is always the argument from experience. My experience with the Easter Bunny is that the creature is a benign influence, does not speak, gives children eggs - and, most importantly, is a gentle benign presence. The Easter Bunny, if the one wearing the costume is properly trained, does not speak to anyone - just listens - and makes no promises.

Santa is a totally different story. People, especially kids, make demands of poor Santa. They tell him what they want - and, while not threatening Santa with harm, the approach to Santa is different than the approach to the Easter Bunny. 

Wonder if Santa just denied their thoughtful requests? Not nice of Santa.

Theological question: do we have to believe in the Easter Bunny? If you like the Easter Bunny, great. Do we have to believe in Santa Claus? Don't be a Scrooge. Believe in Santa. 

It is fun playing with these two images. But it is joyful thinking about what we observe at Holy Week and Easter, the greatest of our feasts. Don't forget what Easter is all about? Life. God's promises kept to Jesus. Eternal life. 

Now I am absolutely serious: Jesus conquered sin and death - and so will we - because God never ever abandons the ones that God loves. This is what it is all about. This is what we need to remember to truly get through everything the world throws at us. Easter is what gives us hope. Easter reminds us not to give up. Easter encourages us when we feel everything is lost and not worth it. The empty tomb is what our world discovered on Easter. Our world discovered that life wins - and that settles everything else. So stay with it. It is worth it - perhaps not in the short run, or the middle run - but definitely in the ultimate run. We will finally learn that it is safe to trust God. Not everything will turn out as we want. But God won't abandon us. Remember what Mary Magdalene discovered. The tomb was empty. She saw Jesus. She understood what had happened. Thanks to her - we now know where we too are headed.

Final scene of the Passion Play at Oberramagau, 2010:

Alleluia - He Is Risen

 

 

A and P Catholics

If you are in church ministry as a line of work, you probably use initials as a shorthand for various parish programs. Here are some of the most commonly used: RCIA - Rite of 
Christian Initiation of Adults; CCD - Confraternity of Christian Doctrine or a variety of other words designed to fill out the initials CCD; RC - Roman Catholic; PV - Parochial Vicar. The Vatican is filled with groups known by their initials - most Catholic can go their entire life and not have to content with any of them. Then we come to possibly one of the most used  - A & P Catholics - stands for Ashes and Palms Catholics. This can be a positive or a negative abbreviation - but still it is widely used in Church circles.

Ashes and Palms - Here is what it means and what is the connection:

 

Ashes are the byproduct of burning palms, a clear way of explaining - "Remember you are dust and unto dust you will return."  This is the positive spiritual meaning of A and P Catholics. Nothing denigrating about it. That is the way it should be. Unfortunately, there are some who use the abbreviation to look down on those people that they feel only come twice a year - Ash Wednesday and Palm Sunday. There are some in Church ministry who do like to feel superior to people that are not as enlightened as they are. So they pity those pour souls who truly do not understand the beauty of the symbols and all the liturgies of Lent.

The Church ministers who seem to be putting people down by using the phrase "A and P Catholics" may see themselves as far more sophisticated than the rest of the people who really feel genuinely deprived if they do not receive ashes and palms. It seems to me that we forget who educated our people in the ways, the mores, and the customs of our faith. This topic puts me right on my personal soapbox - especially when I hear church ministers talking about the people who do not come to Church. Just a personal thought, but in my gentle view, how the heck can you criticize people for not coming to Church if the quality of preaching is not outstanding. A mountain (slight exaggeration!) has documented repeatedly how important are the following factors in whether people come to Mass (first is quality of preaching, then a welcoming community and music that draws people into a community of believers in Jesus. Can we not take and consider our own responsibility for the quality of preaching, the liturgical music, an environment of joy and caring within the parish community.

The quality of preaching in parishes is one of the most documented and addressable problems in the life of the church. The devotional life of our people is nurtured through all the various things that come so us from our senses - stained glass, ashes, palms, medals, statues, religious art and so many other things.

So my personal opinion, and off the soapbox, use the palms, use the ashes, use so many things, soak in the music- and everything about our faith we can use.  And, just a suggestion which I do apply first to myself, and often forget (sadly): we need to be gentle with each other. News flash:  few of us are perfect! Sorry, this is what the data shows!

 

I would make just one edit in the above graphic: "Work hard and be kind ABOUT each other."

 

 

St. Joseph - worth celebrating! - March 19, 2019

Arguably, Joseph has had an inconsistent history in the life of the Church. Clearly, the focus was on Mary, rather than Joseph. He was the foster father of Jesus. The Scriptures tell us little about Joseph - and we do not hear of him beyond the earliest chapters of the Gospels of Matthew and Luke. Despite those few references, through the history of the Church, Joseph accumulated many titles, devotions, and prayer in the Church. Pope Francis has dedicated this year to St. Joseph. He wrote that “St. Joseph reminds us that those who appear hidden or in the shadows can play an incomparable role in the history of salvation.” Joseph was certainly in the shadows, silent, his words never recorded.

It seems that, over the history of the Church, we have all been invited to "fill in the blanks" of much of Joseph's life. How did people know what to fill in? My hunch is that people saw Joseph as one of the primary influences upon the life of Jesus. How could he not be? He was obviously filled with overwhelming love for Mary and Jesus. He was obviously present for some of the most miraculous events in the history of our salvation.

I'm simply suggesting that we not lose sight of who Joseph is and what he can be for each of us. Our doctrine about Jesus is quite clear that he possessed both humanity and divinity. He was God and Man. Joseph pointed us to this - this quiet person who helped to guide Jesus and did so through his love of Mary.

There is a statue of Saint Joseph that I just discovered a couple of years ago (I lead a sheltered life!). The purpose of this statue of St.Joseph is to write your prayer requests down and place them under the statue. Joseph will work on them while we are sleeping. It is not a bad leap theologically - we are asking the one who took care of Jesus and Mary to take care of us as well.

The sleeping St. Joseph statue can be found in religious goods stores around the world - and is in stock at amazon.com.

I like the theology of this devotion and what it suggests is the role of Saint Joseph. This makes a little more sense to me than burying a statue of St. Joseph in your backyard so your house will sell. But what can I say? Many houses do well. Many prayers are answered. St. Joseph has pretty good connections in the Holy Family. The older I become, the less I say things  like "oh, that could never happen."

Happy St. Joseph Day.

The sleeping St. Joseph statue can be found in religious goods stores around the world - and is in stock at amazon.com.

I like the theology of this devotion and what it suggests is the role of Saint Joseph. This makes a little more sense to me than burying a statue of St. Joseph in your backyard so your house will sell. But what can I say? Many houses do well. Many prayers are answered. St. Joseph has pretty good connections in the Holy Family. The older I become, the less I say things  like "oh, that could never happen."

Happy St. Joseph Day.

The sleeping St. Joseph statue can be found in religious goods stores around the world - and is in stock at amazon.com.

I like the theology of this devotion and what it suggests is the role of Saint Joseph. This makes a little more sense to me than burying a statue of St. Joseph in your backyard so your house will sell. But what can I say? Many houses do well. Many prayers are answered. St. Joseph has pretty good connections in the Holy Family. The older I become, the less I say things  like "oh, that could never happen."

Happy St. Joseph Day.

Saint Patrick and the Irish - March 17, 2021

(Explanation - this is the first time that I have repeated a past posting for a particular date. So, I wrote this about Saint Patrick two years ago. I like it! Hope you do as well.)

March 17, 2019

Ok, having spent yesterday’s post extolling the importance of recognizing that we are all part of a mosaic and not a melting pot, it is time to focus on one particular part of the mosaic - being Irish. I start with the customary disclaimer that everyone should focus on their own ethnic group - and revel in it. So today’s feast of Saint Patrick gives me the freedom, if not the responsibility, to focus on the Irish without intending any unflattering comparisons with any other nationality or ethnic group.

Where does one start? God is Irish. Jesus is Irish. The Holy Spirit is Irish. Mary, the mother of Jesus, is an Irish mother. The Irish discovered America, electricity, cures for cancer, solar power, properly brewed Guiness, fashion, music, baseball, golf, literature, sculpture, poetry, the family, the Catholic Church (only the good parts), computers, . The Irish were the finest in these occupations or livlihoods: acting, singing, architecture, science, medicine, the social sciences, horseracing, agriculture, falconry, politics, and the list goes on and on.

The Irish are humble, even-tempered, somber, sober, inquisitive, love golden retrievers, castles, and the color, green. Years ago, Thomas Cahill wrote a book titled “How the Irish Saved Civilization.” You’ll get no argument from me. We do this every single day. 

I have heard, possibly from legends, that there are Irish people who enjoy a good time, savor medicinal spirits in liquid form, and frequent roadside chapels in Ireland that some call pubs. 

Over a long time, I have been up to speed on the sociology of the Irish people - and most especially Irish Catholic Americans. What can I say other than there is no group like them. That is a safe non-belligerent statement = which also recognizes that there are Irish Catholics who are more than capable of being belligerent - none of you, of course.

I do revel in being an Irish Catholic American from Chicago. That is my particular lot in life. I hope that each of you revels in what ever nationality/ethnic group/place of birth you have. We each need to revel in what we are and who we are. To me, this is part of being Catholic and American. 

TODAY'S GRATITUDE: For being an Irish Catholic American Cubs fan from Chicago.

 

Statue at Croag Patrick, Mayo, Ireland

Nice vs. Not Nice - March 16, 2021

A number of people who know me more than cursorily know that I'm trying to learn vegan cooking. It is a difficult journey because cooking for me is, at best, an unnatural act. One of my most spectacular failures was a few years ago - Vegan Shepherd's Pie.  The healthy ingredients somehow were on the floor, on cabinets and counters, and naturally, my clothes. I am determined to keep at it. One of my most consistent successes is the vegan version of ice cream which I found in one of the books by Doctor Joel Fuhrman. Ice cream in his vegan recipes has been renamed Nice cream - a lovely name for food which is both healthy and delicious.

As you may be aware, the word "nones" has crept into social science research  and popular reporting. For some reason, I thought about this as I was considering the fact of those who are nice and those who are not.  Nones essentially means those who do not have a particular spiritual home. It is a growing number of people today.  I always considered myself blessed to serve in a parish with such an incredibly high number of "nice" people. What a pleasure to work with people who were genuinely nice. This did not mean that there were no challenges, but give me "nice" any day of the week. An awful large number of the "nones" are nice people as well.

Why am I carrying on about "nones" and "nice"? In all my decades of serving at the parish, I only encountered a handful of people who just were not nice. The fact was so pronounced that those who were not "nice" really stood out. I can sadly remember just about all those particular people by name. Some of them really got to me because they were so uncharacteristically vicious compared to all the other people. I tried as best as possible never to engage directly with these people, but it was difficult. Had to practice incredible restraint - and was mostly successful over the decades. I do know that this handful of people that were just not nice really got to me. They drained the oxygen right out of me. They made me wish that my home blood pressure monitoring machine could measure higher rates, etc. 

I felt really sorry for those who had to contend with this person on a more regular basis, especially at home, places of work, etc.  Frankly, I seethed inside = and hopefully did not show it.

It was far from an instant or default response, but after a while, I finally calmed down and I began to pray for the nasty person. I kept it up. Did it help? I don't know if it helped the person, but I do know it helped me.

Interesting thing was that these people who were not nice got to me not because they may have disagreed with me about something. Heck, that can happen in so many areas = and we can all disagree. This happened when they were simply nasty  = not nice.

Sharing these few lines about those who are not nice gives me another chance to appreciate so profoundly the type of people at the parish. I'm grateful for you in my life over these decades. I hope you have a great Easter in a few weeks. Heck, if I run into you, I may even give you "nice" cream! If I meet you and you are one of the incredibly few people who are Not Nice to me- GRRRRRRRR. I have forgiven you even though you still raise my blood pressure. Can't you try to be nicer? I'm a nice person. I might even give you "nice" cream!

By the way, the "nice" vegan ice cream is a lot healthier for you and your pets than regular ice cream.

 

 

Getting the Last Year Back - Were friendships lost during the pandemic - Part I - March 12, 2012

So many people feel that they lost a year. I know that I do. Certainly, my list of people with whom I'm in contact has really become much smaller. This was not a conscious act, but rather a process that happened when things were so totally different from the pandemic - and I did not know enough to do otherwise. I'm going to write a couple of posts about my friends - of all shapes and sizes.  This will actually help me look at those people who have not been part of my life since the pandemic began - and I really want to change things. 

True friends have been a valued part of my life, but candidly I have not finished what hopefully waning time of the pandemic with the same number of true friends.  I go back to this Irish bull which still seems to contain more wisdom than most words about friends: You only know who your true friends are - when the lights go out in the pub. How sadly true this is. I don't like it. Can there be objective reasons why I seem to have fewer friends, real good friends, at the end of the pandemic, rather than before the pandemic.

I have tried to figure out some different categories of friends - looked at things that, in hindsight, were preventable, looked at things that can still be changed, and realized that some were acquaintances or possibly even fair-weather friends.

I know there are different types of friends.  This clip from Frasier painful sense:

WE find substitutes, but there are really no commercial substitutes for great friends.  

I have some great friends who are genuinely outraged if someone has been mean to me or not fair to me, I easily and quickly share the favor - and we remind each other of loyalty.

These types of friends are valuable - but exhausting and treasured nonetheless.

I have tremendous feelings of abandonment - maybe due to my background or other factors. But I do not handle abandonment well. 

Winnie the Pooh says that "how lucky I am to have something that makes saying good-bye so hard."  I remember this at times when I feel abandoned, and start to recall the "abandoning" person with gratitude. But it takes a lot of effort to keep being grateful, especially when they are many miles away.

I return to the words of Jesus who reminded us what is so necessary in our lives and relationships. Jesus promised that he would not leave us orphans, but would always be with us. It is worth remembering, especially when there is a lot of abandonment going on!

Need friends for life who will never move away. Sometimes, this works, but many times things do not stay the same and that makes it hard. Feelings of abandonment stink. The pandemic makes it worse. We need to remember God's reminder:

 

I am blessed because only one of my closest friends moved away. But the loss is there.  How dare they? And - now I understand when people express their outrage over my retirement.  (What goes around comes around!)

To be continued in a few more posts. Want to share some of the incredible great things that I have received from extraordinarily good friends.

Lest you wonder, some of my closest friends were not golden retrievers!

 

 

 

 

 

This Past Year Evaporated - will we get it back? March 5, 2021

 

I'm feeling bummed. Actually have been feeling bummed a lot lately.  Nothing significantly different than a lot of people, I know. Why should I be different? Sigh.

I have become more and more aware of lost time, deprived time, even robbed time. I know that I was pretty busy on things during much of the past year. But now, when I look back, I am not really sure of what I accomplished. (That is a wonderful thought from an admitted overachiever!) Sigh.

The above photo from Back to the Future sums things up so well. Avoid 2020. As an astute person might observe, you cannot go back. We did it. Or more precisely, there are so many things we did not do. To be even more precise, there are a lot of things that I did, but it sure does not feel like it.  I can usually look back, go through the past  year's calendar, correspondence, etc., and get a good idea of what I may have accomplished during the past year. The product of my work during the past year just seems so paltry. I am conscious not so much of what I did, but that there were so many people, relationships, people important to me - whom I somewhat did not connect with during the past year. How the heck did it happen? But it clearly did. And this really bums me out bigtime.

It does come down to this = and well worth remembering:

 

Time for some course corrections as we begin to see light through this pandemic. Want to devote a few posts over the next several weeks looking are at how to recover through the pandemic, how to make up for the missed friendships, opportunities, and even times for hope. This objectively classified introvert really missed people! Not sure what I will find - but I want to try. Why not think about this for your own life as well? I think that a lot of us need to do this.

Can we reap the harvest of this past year?  We must.

 

I'm going to increase the number of my blogs over the next few weeks to explore some of the things raised in today's post. Hopefully, this will connect with things that you might have been thinking about as we move towards an end some day to the pandemic.

 

Do You Listen to understand? Or are you waiting for the other person to just finish talking so you can speak? February 26, 2021

"Most people do not listen with the intention to understand. They listen with the intent to reply." These words of Stephen Covey are among the most insightful that he has ever written. Obviously, one of the greatest problems in relationships is communication.

Let me share something that I'm good at - and something that I'm not good at.

I'm good at this: My analytical skills are good. I'm pretty good at recognizing people who do not communicate effectively, usually in their relationships. It is not that hard to know that some people just do not really want to listen. Listening to another person requires the self-discipline to shut up, to wait until the other person is finished speaking, and finally to respond based on what they have said. That is not an easy thing to do.  But I have seen it happen especially in two arenas of life: marriages and families - work situations. In marriages and families, I have seen so many people, spouses, parents, older children, lots of folks just spend their time with each other not listening, just talking, and dare I use this phrase - just going, Blah, Blah, Blah. This approach is contagious. It build up patterns in other members of the family- and finally, there is no one listening in the whole blasted family. I have sadly seen this happen in so many homes. It is destructive. It causes a toxic environment. It really affects everyone.

In work situations, I have seen the same dynamics go on - no one listens, no one waits to understand - people pause only so they can catch their breath and start talking again. Blah, blah, blah. Some people involved were never taught or convinced or shown how to communicate with others. There is a special point here which is a spiritual one - and incredibly so during Lent. I believe that taking enough time to shut up (excuse the lack of a religious phrase) and start listening is a spiritual act - or not.  It is really sad to watch, especially because the ripple effect is so powerful and self-perpetuating. The home is the domestic church - meant to be a place of grace. The place where you work or interact is also meant to be a place to act with honor, to follow the highest possible principles - and to respect the dignity of work and the dignity of people. But if no one is listening to anyone else, does anyone seriously suggest that God is happy with this? I doubt it.  

I'm not good at doing this: Taking the time to really listen to the other person, figure out what they're saying, and more importantly, what they mean - and then, and only then - responding. Decades ago, I realized that something was awry in my life. I could get through things with sheer determination, but everything seemed too much of an effort.  I finally had a sensible thought and took the four-day workshop on Stephen Covey's Seven Habits for Highly Effective People. Best thing I ever did. I took at least six of the Covey workshops over the years. I learned and learned and learned - often about myself too. I used the 360 degree evaluation tool at the parish where the staff filled out confidential surveys on my style. I learned many things about myself which were embarrassing - particularly when it was totally different than my own perception of what I did - and what I was like. But, oh, was it a valuable experience. We can even learn from To Kill a Mockingbird!

  

You don't have to take a ton of workshops and read a lot of books to accomplish these things. But you do have to look at things from the other person's point of view. If we remember to do it, it is not that hard. But it does take effort.

Most of the mistakes we make are in our relationships. But it does not have to be this way. Jesus expressed this in the simplest of phrases, "Do unto others as I have done unto you." Imagine how we might be when the end of Lent rolls around - and we have spent these forty days considering everything from other people's point of view. It can change your life. Why not try try it. If you want a good guide book, then pick up the trailblazing best seller - Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Even though it "masquerades as a business and self-improvement text, it is profoundly spiritual and based upon the Sermon on the Mount.

If you feel discouraged by problems in your relationships, just remember - we are all sinners. We all foul up. This is not an incentive to continue on the same path, but rather to finally decide to go down a different path. I wish you the best on this journey. I've been on it many times.

 

Don't Give Up Things for Lent - Do something better! - February 19, 2021

I was moving rapidly among spiritual sites on the internet and noticed a similar message which I had never seen before - and it made sense. The vast majority of sites, mostly Catholic, were suggesting that people not give up things for Lent - since we have given up so much already during the pandemic. A number of the sites focused on taking on the obligation of greater kindness as a more worthwhile Lenten activity than the things that we traditionally "give up" - i.e., dessert, television, alcohol, etc. When I shamefacedly (always wanted to use that word in a sentence, and until this second, had never done so!) thought about silly things I had done for Lent, this suggestion to take on the obligation of greater kindness made incredible sense to me. I actually gave up apricots for Lent - and I never ate apricots.

I must admit that I never understood the value of not eating Meat as a spiritual practice when the person who gave up meat really liked fish. Not a big deal. Not earth shaking. But you get my point. I can come up with a spiritual rationale for not eating meat on the Fridays of Lent. It was just never explained very well. 

Let me explore using the suggestion of "greater kindness" and why it appealed to me.

On more than a few occasions, I have watched with some bemusement when I have seen externally religious people really trash other people. Although I never said anything, I wondered at the inconsistency, even the great inconsistency between the spiritual external practices and what was obviously going on inside the person. 

As I get older, I notice that I place far more emphasis upon the virtue of kindness than I do many other things that people do. So many problems in relationships, in work situations, in family conflict, etc. would be different if we were determined to be kind. It also seems to be one of the characteristics that Jesus showed - excessively and even joyfully. I think about public figures, even political figures, who lived their public lives wanting to destroy those who differed from them. I found those people more and more jarring over time.

 

I remember a time in the seminary when the law of the Church (Canon Law) was changing and the professors did not have much to teach in the course on Canon Law. This particular professor said that we should  concentrate on following two principles in canon law: the first - Be Kind; the second - "Never trust anyone, not even your mother because they lie, they lie, and they lie." I came to understand both principles: be kind as an essential way to relate with people; never trust anyone was simply a determination to get to the truth and realize that many people may not, in fact, give the whole truth. You can quibble all you want with the second principle, but I think you get the point: be kind, and everything else will follow. 

I do try to be kind. But sometimes I fail - and I usually try to make some type of amends. I'm not perfect at it, but my hunch is that God is happy when I do try to be kind.  And it definitely feels better than not being kind.

Pope Francis gives us a way to fast that may be helpful to you:

 

Like it or not - Ready or not - Need it or not (and we need it) Lent begins within a week - February 12, 2021

Let's start at the very beginning. From ashes to Easter - First, the ashes must be made. Do you know where they come from? Ashes come from palm branches which are burned to make the ashes. Given the vagaries of our world, you can also obtain the ashes from Amazon for the thoughtful price of $14.88 for enough ashes to be used for 500 people. They arrive thoughtfully sealed in a plastic bag! On a possible rating of up to 5 stars, the ashes received 4.2 stars for 19 customers.  To get ashes from Amazon instead of having a special event in the parish to burn the ashes does seem a little crass. Since it's Lent, a confession: During the time I was pastor, there were a couple of times when no one thought to save the palms of the previous year to burn for the present Ash Wednesday. I panicked the first time - and then thought of Amazon. So I was crass and I used it. There are also a number of religious supply companies which also include ash in their catalogs.

 

News flash - ashes are dirty. I was startled to realize this the first time that I helped to distribute ashes. It should now have been the most startling realization, but I had never thought of it before.

Time to focus on Lent:  I really like the quotation at the top of this post: Let today be the day you give up who you've been for who you can become. (I just noticed that the graphic has two words out of order - in this paragraph is the correct order. Let's see if anyone notices!) What a great way to describe the journey we're invited to take during Lent. We begin the forty days of Lent trying to shake off those things, those patterns, those faults, those omissions which we can all do. Lent is a needed change of direction in our lives. Phrases like "turn away from sin believe in the Gospel" are familiar to us, but worth considering once again in our lives - every single year.

Do you play games at Lent?  I certainly have in my life. I always remember making a Lenten resolution when I was in grade school of giving up different kinds of food. I piously made this as my Lenten resolution and then picked out a food that I did not like - as a food I would not eat during Lent. As I got older in life, I heard of other games played during Lent. I knew people who would not drink alcohol during Lent to prove to the family that they did not have a drinking problem. Other people would give up desserts during Lent to help them lose weight by Easter. And so many other things. It is possible that those types of resolutions, though interesting, may not have a lot to do with changing our live and making certain that we walked through life more closely with Jesus.  That is a much different proposition than giving up dessert.

If we look at our selves with unflinching candor, what do we need to change? What can we change? We have at least 40 days to develop some new, some better, habits. Forty days is a decent length of time, if repeated every day, to develop new habits. Why not during the Forty days of Lent?

Give to the poor. For God's sake, start forgiving those you have not forgotten - arguably one of the hardest things I have to do - and hopefully you're not like me! Pray - don't make it complicated.  A tremendous Lenten exercise would be to read Jim Martin's new book on prayer - which I wrote about in the last post.  Reading that book,a few pages at a time, would be a magnificent blessed thing to do during Lent. I cannot recommend it highly enough.

Be kind to people. Don't be a bear to your family or co-workers. Don't judge. There are so many things we can do. Make it adult. Make it simple. The idea is that, by Easter, we are really better - not a bad goal to have - and to achieve. Go to Mass. Pray the rosary. Go to Confession. Pray for each other. I pray for all of you. Please pray for me. Pray for our most broken world that it might be healed.

(I'll write more blogs during Lent,  though not every day, but certainly every Friday.  I'll often just write little snippets that hopefully will be of some use to you.

Happy Valentine's Day. I hope you did not forget to send me a Valentine card. I'm very sensitive and easily hurt. Let your conscience be your guide!

 

 

 

 

 

I recommend this book highly- it is beyond good- and can help all of us - even curmudgeons! - February 5, 2021

(For a few times over many years, I have gone wildly enthusiastic in recommending a book to you. Today is one of those days.  The book on prayer is just that good, clear, helpful, and fun. I think that it can change lives.)

There are various books that are written about prayer. And then there are important books which are also easy to read and phenomenally helpful and down to earth. Learning to Pray - A Guide for Everyone by the Jesuit, James Martin.

(this paragraph added at 9 a.m. 2-7-2021) This is a rare book which can actually be appreciated by atheists, agnostics, people of different religions, people of deep faith, and all sorts of other people. I seldom go this strong on my recommendations about books, but there is something so compelling and helpful about what Jim Martin has written. In my gentle way of stating what I think, if you do not find something of value in this book, there is possibly something wrong with you. How's that for pastoral sensitivity? Sigh.)

This will not surprise you, but I often have difficulty or problems with a lot of books on religion and prayer. My difficulty is not with the general topics which are important and necessary. My problem is that they make things too complicated, too other-worldly, and just not connected with people's lives. Jim Martin is in a totally different category. He knows how to write. He writes clearly. He does not fill pages with jargon. He is funny. He is interesting. His approach to topics is based on the questions and concerns that real people actually have.

You do not have to be filled with years of Jesuit education or theology to enjoy this book. You don't have to be someone who consciously spends all day praying.   A few years ago, Jim wrote a book called The Jesuit Guide to (Almost) Everything - A Spirituality for Real Life.  It was practical, helpful, and for real people. This new book on prayer is in that same style.

In the opening pages of the book, Jim addresses the reasons why people don't pray. He deals with realism - people felt they were not taught how to pray, prayer is for "holy" people, not them; some people are turned off by religion and thus turned off by prayer, some people don't see the point, some are too busy, some are too lazy, and some people fear change.  HIs approach is comprehensive but not encyclopedic. He addresses so many different angles about prayer without making it seem like just long lists of what prayer might be.

I wish the copyright laws would make it possible to just give you a few pages from the book, but that would not be appropriate. I don't know one adult whom I talk with who would not benefit and like this book.   This is true - and I do know more than a few people who are curmudgeons, people who are not easily convinced about anything, and even people who do not root for the Chicago Cubs. People from all these groups would like this book.  People who like Tampa in the Super Bowl will like this book. As will people from Kansas City!

The simplest understandings of prayer - opening our minds and hearts to God - prayer is part of our relationship with God - praying is how we stay close to God. Not terribly difficult, but oh, we make things complicated.

Jim shows us how to pray, how to learn, how to be open, and how not to give up. He also allows us to be (brace yourself) human - and even to make mistakes and not to be perfect and sometimes to feel, at times spectacularly. 

This book is so helpful on prayer that I wish I could just buy a copy for each person that I know - and then stand over them while they read the entire book. First of all, I know too many people and I'm an elderly retired priest - so can't do it. But I would like to. This book is just that good. 

Do you feel God listens to you? Do you feel God does not listen to you? Do you feel God is not interested in you? Angry at you?  And so many other things we can all conjure up. Trust me - God does care about us. Let Jim (Martin, not Mahoney) help you be convinced.

The book is available online on all the usual sites, Amazon, Barnes and Noble, etc. It sells for $27.99, hard-cover, 386 pages.

It was published yesterday. My copy arrived last night. I devoured it and could not put it down until I finished it. Here is possible photo of me after reading the entire book. I did not go to sleep until I had finished it! In truth, I have found that I keep remembering great ideas in the time since I finished this book.

It is #1 on Amazon's list of Self-Help for Catholics, an odd category - but it will sell and sell and sell - and help and help and help.

Pray Well - and Enjoy. 

   

Bah - Today is Groundhog Day - February 2, 2021

Imagine the power we have given over to the groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil.  This is the day when that dirty little heribore will decide if we will have six more weeks of winter.  Well, the little fellow came out of his hold, did not see his shadow, and made certain we would have six more weeks of winter. For those who did not know this important pit of information, the full name of this disgusting little creature is actually The groundhog's full name is actually Punxsutawney Phil, Seer of Seers, Sage of Sages, Prognosticator of Prognosticators and Weather-Prophet Extraordinary." I prefer to simply call the little groundhog that stupid groundhog.

Why don't I like the little guy? Simple. We have given him far too much control over our lives. Would it have killed him to decide we could not have any more winter? I am sick of winter. I used to like winter and considered it my favorite season. I have fallen too many times on snow and ice. I have had too many injuries. I know other people who have been waylaid by snow and ice. I blame Punxsutawney Phil. Why not? It makes just as many other things in our world in the past year or so.

Other than showing the characteristics of a petulant toddler, is there any possible purpose to this post? Well, just one, really.  How do we deal with things when we have no control - which is so many things in our lives lately. Do you bemoan your situation immediately? I usually do. And then, often, but not always, I come down to this thought, "Ok, God, what do I do now?" and I begin a process of deciding and, more other than not, I pray.

I don't do this always.  The winter storm this week was an example when I did not pray about this at all and just bemoaned my fate. Some things were really all fouled up in my schedule. For reason, I ended up with a number of things which had to be done - and could not do many of them.

Eventually, I come to my sense, but not always. After being petulant and self-centered, I did start to think of the people who were not as fortunate as I was during this storm. Sadly, I prayed for these people well after I was pitying myself, but I snapped out of it.

So Punxsutawney Phil, I don't like you. You look like a little rodent. I don't like winter. But I used to enjoy winter and had many wonderful times with wonderful friends - so a little gratitude would not hurt at all.

I don't know if you're like me - but I like to be in control. Surprise, surprise.  Well, who doesn't? God help us all.

Instead of the disgusting groundhog, why don't we have a Golden Retriever day- it might make all of us smile!

 

What Do You Read? A most fraught question, but a personal question I usually answer! - January 29, 2021

(Errata - I just reread my post for Friday and discovered to my chagrin a number of typoes and little mistakes. Must have been overly tired. So here is the tweaked version for this past Friday.  Sorry ab out that)

There are some questions that people ask me more than others. A few are inappropriate = which I usually deflect without answering directly. A very few are just obnoxious which I instantly deflect. Some are so rude - that I instantly respond, "That is really rude, now why would you want to ask me that? Is it your intention to be rude?" (It's a great response to give to really nosey people - feel free to use it!) Some ask questions looking for fights - that I am not eager nor inclined to have. And so on.  TMI - As they say, too much information. If someone is clearly troubled or sad, then I do my best to answer and help them. It was not until the time when I finally retired that I realized there is absolutely no rule, commandment, or advantage in having to answer every question. There are a few people whose questions seem designed to almost raise my blood pressure. I try, in advance, not to let them success. This comes up more than you might think, but I have responded better of the last several years. May write more about this in a little while - since it obviously concerns me and my stress level.

One of the most frequent questions that I get asked deals with what I read. I have no idea why this is so, but more than a few ask about this.

Let me simply say - I love reading. Have enjoyed reading as far back as I can remember. I was blessed with the ability to read before entering school. I know that my mother fostered this in me. My father was also a constant reader, especially after he retired. When my parents would bring me on vacation either in grammar school or high school, I would often read for the entire trip. I would look out the window occasionally and then return to the book. This approach to being on vacation did not, shall we say, amuse my father! Oh, well.

I took the Evelyn Woods Reading Dynamics Course when I was in college, then again in the seminary, and then again about ten years after being ordained. When I was ordained a priest in 1973, Bishop Casey, in his homily, reminded all those being ordained of the need to keep reading. An interesting principle I learned from Evelyn Wood Reading Dynamics courses:  courses: Anyone can double their reading speed by one simple change in their reading habits - do not move your lips when you read. It is an easy fix and works.  Feel free to send me large amounts of money for giving you this life-enhancing tip.

A large amount of my reading came from books in my "occupation" and interests.  This means that I read lots of books ( and I mean lots of books!) in sociology, spirituality, theology, Scripture, research,  administration, parish life, preaching. In the past ten years, I have started reading a number of books about History - Church history, U.S. history, and political history. (This may stun you, but I have only read three books on the Chicago Cubs. How many books do you have to read when you already know that there are the number one team in the history of civilization?)

Oops, I forgot to mention the amount of reading I do on the internet, especially magazines, journals, articles. I am a fierce researcher. I use the internet as a great research tool in a variety of subjects.  For example, I have had this little medical thing which concerns me. I devour the internet, using all kinds of search engines, to learn more about this little medical thing and what can be done.  Two nights ago, I came across a recently released major medical study which has not yet hit the popular literature. It will because it is a major development in medical science.  I can't wait to discuss it with the specialist that I have been seeing to be sure that I have understood it correctly. I am fortunate that I can devour research studies, statistics, and charts rather quickly. (I need a life.)

One of my concerns about reading is that I have long been aware that there were still areas of knowledge where I really knew very little. This bothers me when I come across the TV program, Jeopardy. Once in a while, I get excited and think that I should try to be a contestant on Jeopardy. Then I try the answers on the program and discover a couple of things about myself. In certain subjects, I can get most of the questions and answers. But in a large number of areas, I am literally clueless-  so Jeopardy has been soared my participation. With my luck, I would probably mess up the questions on religion!

I did have a way of filling in some of the gaps over the last several years. A wise friend mentioned that he always reads the books on the list of 5 books that Bill Gates felt were the best in a particular year. Needless to say, I had never read any of them - but now I look forward to the books as a way to increase my knowledge in a different field. Here are the books he recommended from 2020:

The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness, by Michelle Alexander

Range: Why Generalists Triumph in a Specialized World, by David Epstein.

The Splendid and the Vile: A Saga of Churchill, Family, and Defiance During the Blitz, by Erik Larson.

The Spy and the Traitor: The Greatest Espionage Story of the Cold War, by Ben Macintyre

Breath From Salt: A Deadly Genetic Disease, a New Era in Science, and the Patients and Families Who Changed Medicine, by Bijal P. Trivedi.

These five books are on my coffee table, starting at me, and begging me to start reading them. I will insert these into the lists of other books that I'm reading. This should be fun!

I almost forgot. I love to read novels, especially political fiction. I find it relaxing and go through these things late at night. I usually read novels by Vince Flynn, Tom Clancy, Robert  Ludlum, Daniel Silva, Brad Thor, Dan Brown, and Dale Brown. (I should mention that, if a book has been out for a year or more, I try to get it as a used book on amazon.com. This can be a huge savings - and books of great quality can be purchased for a great reduction in the original price.)

That's enough for now. Thank goodness for the ability to have these books on my iPad - makes it so much easier and cheaper. Here is what I look like reading on my iPad.  Ok, maybe not. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Time for our nation to grieve for so many lives lost - Time to respect their passing - January 19, 2021

(Over the next few days, when appropriate, I'll share some spiritual thoughts as we try to move forward in our nation.)

The inauguration ceremonies began just a little while ago with prayers for those who were killed by the Coronavirus in our country. For far too long, we have not paused to pray together as a nation for those who have died from this pandemic. Our incoming president wanted to begin the inauguration experience with a memorial service for those who died from this plague. Cardinal Wilton Gregory, the Archbishop of Washington, prayed a beautiful prayer for these dear souls who died. Here are some excerpts:

"Our sorrow unites us to one another as a single people with compassionate hearts. May our prayer strengthen our awareness of our common humanity and our national unity at a time when harmony is a balm that seeks to comfort and strengthen us as a single people facing a common threat that is no respecter of age, race, culture, or gender. Let us with one heart commend those who have died from this virus and all of their loved ones to the Providential care of the One who is the ultimate source of peace, unity, and concord. Amen."

 

 

Do You Read the Irish Sports Pages? I do - religiously. January 15, 2021

Full disclosure: I have never read the book pictured in the above graphic, Irish Sports Pages. I was looking for a graphic for this post about Irish Sports Pages - and it was perfect. 

I came from an Irish background - this will not be a surprise to those who know me as this Irish Catholic kid from Chicago. My parents were second generation in this country. My father was an Irish Catholic born in Cicero, Illinois. He often punctuated his conversation with Irish phrases - which he must have learned from his parents.  My mother was Baptist Irish. She joined the Catholic Church when I was a junior in high school. She truly did not have any Irish characteristics that I could recall. She was a Chicago Cubs fan so that was clearly in her favor, as was my father.

When the morning newspapers were delivered, my father would first read the death notices, which he referred to as the Irish Sports pages. I came to understand that this is what the Irish called the obituary section. When he finished the death notices, he would read the comics page, then the sports page briefly, and scan the headlines of the rest of the paper. He also completed the crossword puzzle.  He enjoyed reading the political news in Chicago and Cicero. This came from growing up in Cicero - where every person that he knew was either a priest, a politician, or a member of, shall we say, a social club led by a natural leader, a Mr. Al Capone. You may have heard of Mr. Capone, a very popular person in Chicago.  Some would say that he was in the business of crime. It is not for me to judge. But Mr. Capone was a real flesh and blood creature. The other people in Cicero that my father knew or read about were the politicians - Irish or Italian. The remaining group were the priests, all important in that time of Chicago and Cicero life. Many of my father's Chicago friends had political jobs working for the city. The city was called the Machine. It functioned. Things ran well.

I could digress many times just from the above paragraphs, but that would take me away from the Irish Sports Pages. My father read these thoroughly and completely. He often came across someone he knew - or the relative or friend of someone he knew. Those pages were a connection of my father with his history and the history of the Irish in Chicago. As a Baptist, my mother seldom looked at the death notices, but she always read the rest of the newspaper each day. She followed politics closely, but was a lifelong Republican which balanced out my father always voting the other way.  My father would mention someone who died if he thought that my mother would be familiar with the name. They had different approaches. I was formed in my preferences more by my father than my mother.

As I got a little older, I started reading the daily Chicago papers. I always started with the comics and looked to see if the Cubs had won. When I was in college and then the seminary, I started reading the New York Times, a lifelong habit. The Times did not have comics which forced me to at least glance at other papers. Regardless of the newspaper, I always checked to see if the Cubs had won.

Today, I still read the Times - and, more often than not, read the death notices online without fail. I have lived in this area long enough that I recognize many names in the various local papers. I read them fully = and, since February, I have been reading more closely and slowly the death notice of a person who died from Covid. A steady litany of sadness - which I believe could have been avoided to a great extent if there had been someone else leading our government. It is so infuriatingly sad - and what makes me angry is when the person leading our government chooses to ignore the numbers of people who have died from Covid. A lot of these people did not have to die. I do have zero regard for someone who does not honor the dead. I have even less regard for someone who does not respect the sacrifices made by our soldiers in the armed forces.   

Over the years, many of the death notices would make me sad or melancholy. That may be the Irish way.  The intriguing thing about the Irish is that they very much consider death as part of living - life and death are joined together. The Irish are emphatic in looking at life experienced on a continuum where we express the reality of the Communion of Saints - we are connected with all those who came before us - we can help them - they can help us. We're all connected and united.  This is why the Trinity (Father is joined with the Son who is joined with the Holy Spirit, three in one) is such a popular symbol among the Irish.

Well, time to bring this to a close. I do enjoy reading the Irish Sports Pages every single day. Each person mentioned in those pages had a distinct impact on our world- and was given to us by God. Especially this past year, it has been a compelling daily exercise for me. As the Irish say with devotion, "May God be good to them." 

May they rest in peace.

Perhaps this photo will make you smile, just a little:

 

 

(Back to writing) After a lifetime and four days, I'm finally meditating! - January 8, 2021

(I took a course on meditation during the past week. Why?  Two different medical people had suggested this to me over the years. Since I already know everything, what could I possibly gain from meditation? Having been fully retired, I noticed one troubling fact. I could not calm down. I could not relax. Even with nothing on my schedule for a day, I just continued working, thinking, and trying to figure out ways to save the world. I was anything but relaxed. When nice people ask me how my retirement is working for me, I want to snap at them - and if they are kittens, to kick them down the stairs! Feel free to let me know how my prior efforts have worked in saving the world. Be kind!

So, I threw myself into a practical exploration of meditation for two days, the kinds available, how one learns, how one is trained, how this could help me. If I do say so, I am an incredible researcher and analyst - so why not use the skills to help myself? It was not cheap to get the type of instruction that I thought would be helpful - but, you know, neither is cardiac surgery).

Don't laugh at the above cartoon. It would hurt my feelings. But it does identify a characteristic of my psyche over the years. I remember a conversation that I had with a nice parishioner a few years ago. She said to me, "You seem so focused and centered. Do you meditate?" Sadly, I just burst out laughing because meditation was the last thing that I ever wanted to do. If I had only been more attentive to the information that the woman was giving me. Sigh. Well, only a few decades too late. But better late than never.

I did examine the different types and schools of meditation. Some, I recoiled from immediately. But there was one which made a great deal of sense to me. I won't share with you my choice because I believe whatever one does in this area is intensely personal. And goodness knows, I am a private person (who somehow is more at ease writing about himself in this blog rather than interacting with people one on one. I never said that I was balanced.)

I enrolled in the course. The approach that I found relied upon individual instruction, an incredible app of lectures and interactive learning for my iPhone, a huge amount of scientific literature showing objective evidence of the effectiveness of this method, and a continuous system of follow-ups valid for a lifetime. I was really impressed with the instructor, materials, and the methods. I'm one heck of a critic in evaluating things like this. But I was impressed. I wistfully wish that I had done this many years ago, but probably did not have the maturity and urgency to do so. Sigh) 

So I have embarked upon meditation as an essential part of my life and routine. Surprisingly, I like it. I already can see some benefits. I've had four days of instruction - with the possibility of additional times to learn in the future. I 'm going to insert this into my daily routine. The key is to make this a priority - and not allow other things to take precedence.  Self-care has never been easy for me. But I do intend to learn better the skill of self-care. This also means saying No far more than I ever had!

So here goes my latest adventure.

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

The Death of a Parent with Alzheimer's- December 29, 2020

My father, Russell, died 31 years ago today from Alzheimer's. He was 80 years old. He developed Alzheimer's at an older age than many - but it is quite possible that he was showing symptoms of the disease earlier than my mother and I thought. Symptoms were evident to us for about seven years before he died.Only in hindsight can you put all the pieces together of Alzheimers and know that a person has been stricken with it. It was only after he died that I fully appreciated the monumental task my mother had of taking care of him = before he had to go into a nursing home. Oh, the things that I wish I had known - and the things I would have said years earlier before he could no longer comprehend.

It is only within the past ten years that I have grown in my appreciation for my father. My father also suffered from alcoholism - at a time when we did not have the tools, knowledge or the ability to provide good therapies or approaches to understand the role of alcoholism on family dynamics that we have today. We were all kind of winging it decades ago. (I was not alcoholic, but had sufficient other things to foul me up over the years. I was also an only child who had three siblings - a cat, a Dalmatian, and a Chihuahua. I also had a fish - whose demise came to a tragic end when she was accidentally flushed down the sink. Nothing is easy! = for most people.)

Regardless of all kinds of intervening variables, I knew one continuous truth about my father's role as my father. He was always in my corner. He believed in me - always. I could count on that - and did at many different points in my life.

I thought of my father when I heard that Glen Campbell had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. His family found that he remembered many of his great songs even if he might always know their name. So they organized a farewell tour for him. I went to hear him at the Community Theater in Morristown. I am so glad I did = so many similarities to my father. Glen could still sing along with his family - and plucked the strings with his legendary skill.

As each anniversary of my father's death comes along, I find that I miss him more. He really believed in me.

God be good to him. Today I am very sad.

******************************************************************

If you, a family member, or a friend someone close to them has dementia in some form, including Alzheimer's, I highly recommend this book. It is a classic, been revised six times, and has helped millions of people. It is available at amazon.com, and any of the other sources, as well as most bookstores in the country. I've given this book to countless people and bought a copy for hundreds of people as well.

 

 

 

 

 

December 24-25, 2020 - The Story of Christmas

Read the first two chapters of Matthew's Gospel. Savor the words. Let them speak to you.

A Blessed and Peaceful Christmas to you - and our hurting world.

 

Oops = If a family dispute, conspiracy theories, or other things start to surface at Christmas dinner - Here's what to do - December 23, 2020

Family arguments are tough, especially at Christmas and Thanksgiving. I'm listing here the "food fight" from Animal House because it is one of the classic food fights on film. It also (hopefully) makes people smile. (Personal privilege: I grew up in the same town, Wheaton, Illinois, as John Belushi. Knew him slightly. He had not yet blossomed into the massive comedic talent that he became.)

 

To learn more about defusing situations, I came across some great excerpts. (Unfortunately, I could not locate the entire link for the article no matter how hard I tried.)  Here is a link to another article that could also be helpful to you: https://www.bodyandsoul.com.au/wellbeing/how-to-avoid-family-conflict-this-christmas/news-story/a36b6ee092f0c8e3d43ead0aab6339b8?nk=28aad76d17b8b9c29a64fa2ffadbca13-1608779784

1: Keep calm

While it's important to confront falsehoods, it's never useful if things end up in a flaming row.

"My number one rule would be to not spoil Christmas," says Mick West, author of Escaping the Rabbit Hole. "An angry, heated conversation will leave everyone feeling rubbish and further cement conspiracy beliefs."

Psychologist Jovan Byford, a lecturer at the Open University, notes that conspiracy theories often have a strong emotional dimension.

"They are not just about right and wrong," he says, "but underpinned by feelings of resentment, anger and indignation over how the world works."

And they've boomed this year, with many searching for grand explanations for the pandemic, American politics, and huge world events.

Medical experts say shouting increases the chance of spreading coronavirus. Yet another reason to keep things low-key.

2: Don't be dismissive

"Approach conversations with friends and family with empathy rather than ridicule," says Claire Wardle from First Draft, a not-for-profit which fights misinformation. "Listen to what they have to say with patience."

Her golden rule is: never publicly shame someone for their views. That's likely to backfire.

 

Remember that people often believe conspiracy theories because deep down, they're worried or anxious. Try to understand those feelings - particularly in a year like the one we've just had.

3: Encourage critical thinking

People who believe conspiracy theories often say: "I do my own research."

The problem is that their research tends to consist of watching fringe YouTube videos, following random people on Facebook, and cherry-picking evidence from biased Twitter accounts.

But the spirit of doubt that pervades the conspiracy-minded internet is actually a key opening for rational thought, says Jovan Byford.

"Many people who believe in conspiracy theories see themselves as healthy sceptics and self-taught researchers into complex issues," he says. "Present this as something that, in principle, you value and share.

"Your aim is not to make them less curious or sceptical, but to change what they are curious about, or sceptical of."

4: Ask questions

Fact-checking is important, but it's often not the right approach when someone passionately believes in conspiracies. Questions are much more effective than assertions, experts say.

"Focusing on the tactics and techniques used by people pushing disinformation is a more effective way of addressing these conversations than trying to debunk the information," Claire Wardle says.

5: Don't expect immediate results

You might be hoping that a constructive conversation will end with some kind of epiphany over Christmas pudding - but don't bet on it.

For those who have fallen deep down the conspiracy rabbit hole, getting out again can be a very long process.

"Be realistic about what you can achieve," psychologist Jovan Byford warns. "Conspiracy theories instil in believers a sense of superiority. It's an important generator of self-esteem - which will make them resistant to change."

For fact-checker Claire Wardle, it's not just about bruised egos. This year has been scary - and for many, conspiracy theories have been a source of comfort.

"Recognize that everyone has had their lives turned upside down, and is seeking explanations," she says.

"Conspiracy theories tend to be simple, powerful stories that explain the world. Reality is complex and messy, which is harder for our brains to process."

But the experts agree that even if you don't see immediate results - don't give up.

JTM edit: If all else fails, then ask the arguing people to please not spoil Christmas for everyone else. It helps no one to have these arguments.

 

Glad and Sad - the Emotions of Christmas - December 22, 2020

I wanted to write this post about the Christmas feelings many experience - of feeling sad while the rest of the world is singing "Deck the halls." As I searched for a graphic to use (and mentally added topic of "learn how to do graphics" to my to-do list) I only came across a couple of graphics with sad and glad in them. Most of the graphics had three emotions in them - sad, glad, and mad. Not happy with the above graphic, but what the heck, how many time can I use golden retrievers? So here it is.

Why this topic? Because I come across so many people at this time of year who are anything but celebrating. These are those who may associate Christmas with the memories of a person, a love, someone they adored and now they are gone. This year, it affects more people than I ever remember. I understand these emotions around Christmas. One way I had of coping with this was simply throwing myself into the work and tasks of ministry before Christmas.  I was usually a zombie by the time of the last Mass.  We usually had between 6000-7000 people come to Mass.  We had a phenomenal staff who pulled out all the stops. I knew they were exhausted as well. I was always grateful for their tremendous work.

We do need to remember that Christmas, though joyful to many, is a tough time for many as well.

There is an underlying theme of ministry to this post as well - we should each be gentle with ourselves and gentle with each other. I fear this year that I can really identify with those who are sad. Ain't an easy time. I do understand.

Even the golden retriever needs a little extra effort to be happy at times!

 

 

 

There are indeed rumors of angels. They are true - December 21, 2020

The days before Christmas are days when the Scriptures are filled with angels. Angels keep guard over many Nativity scenes in homes and churches. What are angels? Who created them? (God). Are they all friendly? Well, not according to history and literature. There were good angels (Gabriel, Michael, and the others, oh, yes, the archangel, Jim. Oops, that snuck in.  I'm not on the archangel list.)

Essentially, the good angels are messengers of God's love. We express this in our prayer and refer to some as our guardian angels. Our popular spirituality suggests that each of us has a guardian angel - meaning a special protector from God - nudging us, encouraging us, cajoling us, and even pushing us to make the right decisions and do the things that God asks of us. The sociologist Peter Berger wrote a classic text in sociology called Rumors of Angels - presenting ways in which we can understand the divine in our world. I read it in the seminary and go back to it occasionally over the decades.

The late evangelist, Billy Graham, (note that I'm not talking about his son or referring to him in any way) said one time that two things he especially admired about the Catholic Church was our belief about two things - Mary, the Mother of Jesus, and angels. Billy Graham had integrity. If he made mistakes, he admitted them. A priest-sociologist-friend of mine wrote a couple of books about angels, one a novel and the other a collection of short stories. He used his imagination to think about these wonderful creations of God. Can we be more precise?

From the Bible, we learn that angels are powerful messengers of God's love. They are often fierce protectors, even warriors of God's love.  The pictures we have of angels often come from the styles of art of particular eras. Go through the Metropolitan Museum of Art and look at the paintings of angels. They are all different and each reflected a particular era in art and design. In he first few years of our new parish church, I was delighted to host the director of the Vatican Museum who gave us a wonderful presentation on the angels in the Vatican Museums. Truly, there is no limit on the ability of people to reflect on angels - and to think of what God has done with angels over the centuries.

Angels are messengers of the good news of Jesus. They point the way to the crib as we learn from the Christmas stories in the Bible. In the interests of historical and theological accuracy, I am obliged to point out that it would appear that angels are not wimps. While it became popular for people to wear little angel pins or other depictions of angels (and there is nothing wrong with this), it is also clear that angels are God's powerful warriors. The painting at the beginning of this post gives an example of this type of angel. 

My personal beliefs (so they must be correct!) about angels is that often they come into our lives disguised as family, friends, and even strangers. Anyone who gives us an understanding of God's love may be an angel - so be nice to them.

I had an experience a few years ago at the parish during Sunday Mass.  I was hurrying in the sanctuary (I hurry too much which is really really stupid) and tripped over something that had been left there which I had not seen.  I have had some knee problems - and I flew across a side of the sanctuary. There was no way that I could not have been injured, but somehow I stayed upright and was not injured. I could not come up with one reason why I was able to continue standing. I was out of breath, but ok.  I kept thanking God in the rest of that liturgy saving me. It made no sense to me that I was still standing and not injured. After the Mass, I went to the videotape (just like football!) and carefully watched the type of that moment. I was that I tripped, went flying and someone did not go down. Have always believed from that time that my guardian angel had protected me.

In these few days left before Christmas, pray with gratitude for the angels God has placed in your life. They are real, really real.  If you don't care for angels, then you probably are not a Cubs fan. So, to heck with you.  Or maybe more appropriate since we're talking about angels, "behold, I bring you a message of great joy. A child is born in Bethlehem." Not a bad announcement to hear.

Angels, point the way. May we not miss you, especially this week.

 

 

 

 

My excuse for being less than good at a daily post lately - December 18, 2020

This week, I quietly finished my second surgery for cataracts.  This process began with protective quarantine on December 2nd and ended a couple of days ago. There were some things I did not know when this process began. I had to undergo twice the nasal swab for COVID test, stay in self-quarantine one week before each surgery - and also engage in appropriate measures of self-pity, and really got ticked at myself when I accidentally rubbed my eye or eyes after the surgery.

During this time, my typing was filled with mistakes. Sometime I felt like correcting these - other times, not.  I will not need to wear glasses anymore for distance, but will need to wear glasses just for reading. I have worn glasses since I was in 4th grade, so this is really not a big deal. Won't know for sure until both eyes heal.

Cataract surgery is often described by people at "not a big deal."  This week, after the 2nd surgery, I woke up early, and, as is my custom, put on my glasses, and went to my computer to check news, email, etc.  Only problem was that I could not read anything on the computer monitor.  In the words of the psalms (I think it is in the psalms), I freaked out. I thought that I was now blind or minimally would be unable to read.

I had a "day after surgery" appointment with my eye surgeon. When I arrived, they did the customary tests, he walked in and said that I came through things with flying colors. I gently demurred (I do not know what the word "demurred" means, but hopefully, it will show that I think I'm intelligent!) This calm gifted eye surgeon smiled and said that my glasses no longer helped my vision.  I would not need them for distance and should get a cheap pair of reading glasses at CVS. I was pleased, especially since I chose to not pay the additional amounts for "add-on" procedures with the surgery.

Like certain times in my life, I am profoundly grateful for medical science. If I come across someone who bashes science or misquotes science, I will hit them on the head with a broomstick, regardless of political viewpoint. 

Even though cataract surgery is properly called "no big deal" by many, I nonetheless found it a bit daunting. However, not one millisecond of pain. Each day since Tuesday, I can see a little more clearly. Thank you, Jesus - and thank you to my wonderful eye surgeon.

My eye pressure and blood pressure showed, during the first procedure, that I was agitated. I thought I was pretty calm for the second procedure until the anesthesiologist mentioned that he was going to give me something to help relax me a bit more. And I thought I was calm and collected. So much for self-knowledge!

This is now the end of an almost unbroken string of possibly nauseating exercises in self-disclosure. It may not have helped you, but it helped me!

Next post will be on sin! I've coddled you enough!

Are there differences between men and women? How much do you love your family? - December 11, 2020

For the purpose of this post, let's take as a given the fact that there are differences between men and women. You may say this is true. You may say this is not true. It has nothing to do with the Trump vs. Biden "conversations" which many have had over the last four years. Nonetheless, I was startled to come across a survey on the online version of Time Magazine today. For reasons that I won't get into, I could just read a few major points of the article - and want to share a couple with you. 

More women than men plan to practice social distancing over both Christmas and New Year's. It is not a huge difference but enough of a difference to show there are differences. It makes me sad. The number steadily increases of people dying from practices that are pretty preventable. What it suggests is that men and women may not have a shared agreement within their homes on whether or not to follow the pleas of public health officials urging everyone not to travel or congregate over Christmas and New Year's. The vaccine is not here. We all need to do everything  we can to stay safe. God, I hope people will stay safe over these holidays. I fear that too many people will not take the warnings seriously.

I just heard a public health expert on a news program say these scary words, "This is our Covid Christmas. People who do not practice social distancing, wearing of masks, and remaining at home - will not see some of their older relatives next Christmas because they may be dead."

Here's the question in personal annoying terms? Don't you love your family enough to sacrifice this Christmas so everyone will be alive next Christmas? (Just my thought.)

We can help to protect all the generations. Look at a picture of your extended family. Will this affect your willingness to stay home this Christmas?

 

(Four days to go on personal countdown.)

Is Anyone Listening? - December 11, 2020

 

(Was not able to write this blog for a couple of days this week. Sorry about that. The spirit was willing, but the eyes were weak.)

The good news yesterday is that approval was given yesterday in the United States for the coronovirus vaccine.  It will not wipe out the disease, but it will cut down on the deaths over the next year. Profoundly good news. It is a breath of happy news.

Naturally, nothing is ever easy. The epidemiologists all agree that the coming months of December through February may be the worst months in the history of our country. We have all seen the profoundly sad sharp rise in the number of people of those who are sick from the virus and the number who have died.  A staggering point of reference is when more people die in one day from the virus than those who were killed at 9-11.  This is now happening every single day. Yet, it appears that, for man, it is business usual. It concerns me because it may mean but another sign that life simply is not valued. So sad. All the grieving is so sad. 

We are bracing ourselves for the ultimate surge in coronovirus cases after the Thanksgiving holiday. I hope it doesn't happen, but clearly our rates of the virus are rising right now.

The public health scientists are asking everyone to please stay home for the holidays. Don't travel. Practice all the rules we know for social distancing, size of groups, people we are with. What is happening? I hear anecdotally about growing numbers of people who do plan on being away, who plan on having guests in their homes from other states, and just a total disregard for what is being asked of us. Are these people nuts? I cannot come up with a better word - but I could come up with more colorful language. If you're in this group, please reconsider. Do you think the virus will spare you and those you love because you are from New Jersey? There is so little appreciation for the asymptomatic transmission of the virus. I could just scream when I hear people say about houseguests - "oh, they were tested right before they headed here."  

I fear that a lot of these people are kidding themselves. I hope that I'm wrong. I hope that the scientists are wrong. I just don't think so.

It makes me sad. May they survive.

News flash- the dogs at the top of this post and bottom of the post are truly not listening. They have no common sense whatsoever. Don't be like them!

 

(Five days to go on personal countdown.)

Are you tired of everything about the pandemic? Now is not the time to lose hope - December 8, 2020

We know that there is some hope in sight.  It is however and naturally not or never that simple. The vaccines which will be available may stop the recipients from being drastically ill from COVID, but they do not appear to wipe out COVID.  When I learned this, I was disheartened, but still with a little hope.  Obviously the administration of the vaccine will dramatically reduce the number of deaths. That is an incredibly good thing. But as for wiping COVID out, I have much to learn and read about what the limits of the vaccine may be.

I sense a slackening in many people's determination to do everything possible not to get the virus. Just look at the appalling number of people traveling - people I know - people I like - strangers I don't like - and many others. I think that people believe that we have gone almost a year following the "rules" of getting rid of COVID. Now we are finding that the vaccine may keep us from dying (isn't that good enough?) and will now wipe it out completely. Although this may be an inexact medical parallel, the vaccine will not eradicate the virus, but you will be better off with the vaccine than without the vaccine. 

We need a special burst of determination to keep following the requirements of COVID resistance: wear masks, social distancing, don't be in large groups, and a few other things. We need encouragement to do the right thing. Maybe the next political administration will change things for the better. We cannot go on as we have. We just can't.

Don't you dare give up - especially if you're one of my friends. You're too important to me and your friends and families. And the rest of you, the same thing applies. Don't play the self-serving game of saying some things are political and therefore we should not say that. That was lame when it was first said. It is lame today.  We're talking about saving lives. The present political administration has apparently stopped caring about the pandemic. Don't pretend that they do. If they did, then every day they would be encouraging us to keep taking the steps to avoid the pandemic. 

Encourage each other. Give a great example to your children. Life is precious. Chesterton reminded us that life is too important to be anything other than life. This is one of those times when Chesterton's words make incredible sense. I don't know where you fall on the spectrum of pro-life, but I consider steps to stop the impact of the pandemic to be an urgently needed pro-life activity. Please. If you're following the crowd, be sure it's the right crowd.

(Eight days to go on my personal countdown.)

  

 

December 7, 1941 - The date says it all

President Roosevelt told our nation that December 7 would be a date that would live on in infamy. I cannot imagine the horrors of war. It is far too easy to get caught in the films about wars and to forget that they actually happened. The tales of courage, selflessness, and concern for each other characterized our troops on that day and so many other days to come. The only thing in my history to come close was 9-11. And now the pandemic of 2020 has dwarfed the numbers of dead and sick in our wars.

Today, we spend time in wonder and awe at the sacrifices people made when they were called to serve our nation and the cause of freedom. The men and women at Pearl Harbor were heroes, people of courage. May we always respect their legacy. President Roosevelt was an extraordinary leader and example for us in so many ways. It was a different world then - but the qualities of leadership and character can still be seen in our nation's leaders. Days like this let us contrast  our gifted, courageous, wise leaders from those who are not. We celebrate greatness today. We pray in thanks for those who called forth our better angels. What mighty human beings they were. 

God be good to these people who came before us - and those who serve us in our armed forces. God be good to those who were prisoners of war, those injured in the cause of serving our country, and all those who sacrificed to maintain our freedoms. May we never take their sacrifices for granted.

December 7 is a date that often slips right by. I was determined this year not to let it happen.

God bless America.

Flag flying at Half-Mast at Pearl Harbor

 

(Nine days to go on my personal countdown)

 

 

 

Remember that we're still in Advent? December 6, 2020

This year, Advent may be messy. The orderly progression of four weeks, each marked by lighting an additional candle in the Advent wreath, just does not seem to be catching on this year. No wonder. Many of us cannot even remember what day it is when we get up in the morning. When I lived in the rectory and could see the church from my bedroom window, life seemed much more predictable. The world seemed much more predictable. Is there a correlation here? Probably not.

There are some Catholics and some church publications who take a very strict approach to both Advent and Lent.  There are also some people who work on liturgies who are the same way. I never got into such strict approaches. These are the people who feel that Christmas lights should not be put on the trees until Christmas Eve, ornaments should not come up until you are at Christmas, etc. I laughed when I read an editorial in a progressive Catholic preparation this year where the editor recommended that people take a much more relaxed approach to Advent this year. The editor felt that our world had been so chaotic, so hurting that it just made common sense to relax about Advent. I guess I can put the little statue of Santa Claus in my nativity scene now!

I have always liked a relaxed approach to Liturgy. Liturgy should flow. It should not be filled with starts and stops. Liturgy is not supposed to make you tense. It is supposed to draw us into the mystery of God's love. 

In our hurting world ravaged by the pandemic, we need to just take it easy on each other. We need to mellow out. We need to give each other the benefit of the doubt as much as possible. This is easier said than done, but it is something worth thinking about. Tempers and lives can be frayed. I know that I'm not the picture of calm and being centered. This has been such a hard time. The political uproars just made it worse. 

In Advent, I hope that you are praying for the victims of COVID. Pray for the gifted doctors who managed not to be waylaid by ignorant politicians. I pray every day by name for Doctor Fauci, Doctor Birx, Doctor Redfield and their colleagues. Imagine having to fight to do what is right every step of the way? They were the embodiment of Stephen Covey's reminder to work with the goal in mind. I admire and envy their ability to stay focused. I wish that I had their focus when under attack. I don't - but I do wish I did.  What incredible role models.

So, have a messy 2nd week of Advent. Catch your breath. It's ok. We don't have to be all prim and proper. Just consider this role model:

 

(Ten days to go on my personal countdown.)

 

  

 

 

The Garden State is 7th Best!! - December 5, 2020

Somewhere, I came across an article which proclaimed that New Jersey was 7th best in the nation with respect to wearing masks.  There has not been a great deal to smile about lately, especially with the horrendous number of people stricken and people who have died from COVID.  But this is worth celebrating.  (My filter seems to be a little off today) Do you think those morons in south Jersey that have had big events without the protection of masks might want to join the rest of the state in working to protect each other's health. 

I just don't understand why wearing masks is such a big deal - and why some despicable politicians made it into a political issue. I sure do not like wearing the mask. It is a pain in the neck (or more precisely, the nose and mouth to wear it for Mass. Mask on, mask off, oops, mask on, etc. I only take it off for the homily and during the time when I receive the Eucharist. I try to scrupulously follow the proper social distancing well within the CIC guidelines. Shamefacedly, I now make public confession that, at times, I have gotten out of my car without my mask and then uttered a quiet prayer, turn around, go put the mask on and go into the store or wherever I was headed. Sometimes, I do utter an unsavory word when I discover my mistake. The word gets more unsavory when I have to walk a distance back to my car!

If there are sung parts of the Mass, I always try to make sure that the mask is on and I am at least 12 feet from people. This too is following CIC guidelines. 

Saying Mass has become more complicated with the various prayers and announcements. It is easy to make a mistake. 

The only one of God's creatures who has faithfully fulfilled the CIC guidelines is the golden at the top of this post. Would that we were that perfect!

To the people of the Garden State who are wearing masks without disobedience, thanks for caring. It is one of the most effective actions we can take in behalf of life.  

Found this picture of three goldens who have not quite mastered the mask. Hope they can follow the example of the golden who is following CIC guidelines. Practice makes perfect. Don't give up folks. Follow the instructions. 

(11 days to go on my personal countdown.)

 

Two Worlds - Two Cities - Facts and Truths - December 3, 2020

Yesterday's post was more upbeat than I felt, but I believed it was proper not to ignore the one spectacular thing that is happening now, namely the vaccine. Focusing on the potential availability of the right vaccine is a good and hopeful thing. I pray that it arrives quickly - and with gratitude for the scientists who did not let themselves be distracted by the anti-science crowd. It seems like we are in two different worlds, two different cities. one world recognizes science and has the tools to address this horrible situation that gets worse every single day while the other world is made of those who are against science, turning everything into a political issues, like the disgraceful politicization of wearing masks.

How we reached the present situation just makes me sad. The above picture of a golden retriever offering comfort to sad people says it all. For the time being, we must deal with a raging escalation of new cases and more deaths. How can we not be sad when we realize that a leader knew about the potential catastrophic nature of the coronavirus this past February and claimed he did not want to upset the citizens?  Hundreds, probably thousands could have been saved from sickness and even death.   

Look at the much lower numbers in Canada and compare them with the United States. Then decide where the facts lie. The difference between the two countries is not even close. It is not a tough call. Bill Gates in a television interview just now said that the problem is that our leaders in the executive branch gave us confused messaging and a lack of leadership. The leadership made people distrust good science. Just look at the inconsistent messages on wearing masks, social distancing, and the lack of testing and contact tracing. The tools to address this in our own country are not that hard to figure out.

As difficult as things are, we need to hang onto the motivation of doing those things that can save us - and resolutely not listen to those leaders who have been wrong and uncaring for this past year. Try to step back and think about which leaders have deceived us and which leaders care about our lives and protecting us? 

We cannot ignore the problem. We need to fix it. We need to do the right things. How much longer can some live in this other world?

It takes a lot but even this golden retriever is angry! 

 

We can often learn from animals. I think about how much I've learned from Snoopy. Here is one golden retriever's strategy for dealing with the anger a lot of people have towards the handling of this pandemic:

 

 

(11 days to go on my personal countdown.)