Jim Mahoney's Blog - Sacred to Etc.

Why Do This? - and Welcome!

(You can find the necessary disclaimers in the Profile section of the blog.)

Over time, the nature of this blog will inevitably evolve. I'm fully retired now which means that my interests have evolved also. I have absolutely no desire to be a culture warrior. I do have a desire to help people grow in their faith and journey with Jesus along the paths, often laden with rocks, of their lives. If I find things that might be interesting for you to read from other sources, I'll include them.

My plan is to make a post to this blog at least once a week, but often more. 

I have pretty much written these posts, hundreds of them, and just left them alone to grow like wild weeds available for anyone to pick, pick up, or do other things to it.  That no longer works for me.  So I will now keep on the blog posts from the past several weeks. Each post was written at a particular point in time - and often is not meant to be a permanent place in history. We are at a particular point in time where there is much division, seemingly intractable, among and between groups.  Personally, I'm not a culture warrior. If you want a culture warrior, there are plenty of places to find them.

I am grateful to the surprisingly large number of people who have found my blog helpful to them, more than I ever expected. I write this for them and hope to continue doing so. The number of times that someone has taken great issue with something I wrote are few. But like most people, I remember the attacks more than the accolades. Something that I always have to work on.

Often, I am unconsciously writing to myself - and if someone happens to want to read it, that is good. When I preach, I find that I am somehow preaching first to myself - to listen to the message of Jesus and figure it out so the Good News of Jesus can be shared.

In glancing at what I have written over the years, I am bemused at how much more personal and forthcoming I have been in the blog than in most other areas of my life. Go figure. I'm an introvert!

God bless. 

 

 

The World Is Still Here after the US and Russia talked together - June 16, 2021

Are you old enough to remember fallout shelters? Drills conducted in all schools in case of a nuclear attack?  And a whole host of other ways in which we tried to prepare for an atomic attack on our nation. I was thinking about this a lot during the past few days as I was glued to the TV with the various meetings of world wide leaders in Europe which culminated in the conversation between the U.S. President and the Russian President. I remember being told a certain way to sit so that the school desks could protect us from the atomic blast (waste of time, in hindsight, but it was the thought that counted!). All schools and other buildings had to have certain airtight supplies of food - and sometimes supplies of water, etc. My hunch is that none of the supplies have water and food that is proper to drink or eat today. It is a different world, right now - thank goodness.But these were real concerns during the 1960's, serious concerns. 

Since the conversations ended a little while ago, I was glad to see that most of the politicians made low-key statements. A few ignored the axiom that any criticism of a president should stop be our country's border - a wise guide for behavior, it seems to me.

In the midst of these meetings of world leaders, it coincided with an apparent fact that we seem to be getting a little back to normal. I hope so. For many reasons, this has been a very wearying 14 or so months. Our country had over 600,000 people die from COVID - and probably a smaller number will still perish before things get really back to normal.

Why go through this brief recital of headlines? Just a reminder, first to myself, then to all the readers - to not stop praying for peace. We have been through so much. Who thought that we would end up at this point of greater normalcy. It seemed like things would never move towards normal. All you and I can probably do is two things: first, keep things as normal and as simple as possible and as kind as possible with each other; Second, pray hard for unity, especially with those we disagree - and refuse to demonize those who think differently than we do.  These are small things - but hopefully enough people will find this a good way to live.

Did You Vote in the primary June 8? Proud of you. Did you not vote? A gentle grrr. June 11, 2021

I have always felt that casting a ballot is of the greatest privileges we have in our democracy. You may correctly deduce that I also grimace when I see various individuals and political groups that seem to be working hard to limit voting of certain groups as much as possible. I just do not understand this in our country, in our democracy. I'll move on since that is not the precise topic of this post.

The issue is voting - voting when you are qualified and certified to do so in a particular election. There have been times since I turned 18 when I simply forgot to vote. It was never intentional. A small confession this past Tuesday, our Primary voting day. I was going through some mental calisthenics on Monday night about voting. I did not make preparations to vote by early ballots through the mails, so it had to be in person. Before I retired from the parish, the place where I voted was about 50 yards from my office - a smidgen convenient - so I was also aware of an election and think that I always voted. Monday night, I was thinking about not voting in this primary. I had some reasons, frankly, none of them significant. It would be only the 2nd time I had voted in the town where I now live in retirement. Went to sleep Monday night with this as an unresolved issue.

Woke up at 5 which seems to be my custom. I went to view the actual ballot on the internet. Read over the names of the candidates  - and only discovered one candidate that I knew something about. That was fine since I had always liked this person's service in the region.  Arrived at the polling place 15 minutes after it opened.  Not many people around. Asked the poll worker if I would receive a sticker for voting. She said Yes - would you like to take it now? I replied, "Yes, please."  (I may be wrong sometimes, but seldom am impolite.)

Went into the voting booth. Pressed the buttons quickly and completed the process.  At the end, I laughed at myself. How could I have thought about not voting for even one second when it means so much to me to cast a ballot.   We are a strange and fickle people! I strode out smiling to my car, complete with my Voted sticker,  and headed home.

As I drove home, my thoughts went back to this recent phenomenon of people trying to block others from voting. I thought about the countries where people line up for miles so that they can cast a vote.  Even in parts of our country where all sorts of obstacles are placed in the way of qualified persons being able to vote, the sacrifices people make and the lessons in civics they show all of us are profoundly moving.  If we don't support our democracy, then did so many people die in vain? I hope not. We must remember the sacrifices so many made for us so that we might vote and fly our flag.

These seem to be troubled times. Sigh.

The late Dr. Billy Graham's thoughts on not voting:

 

 

 

 

Feast of Corpus Christi - The Real Presence is Real - June 4, 2021

(Preface: This is the first of a series of blogs I want to do about the Eucharist - they will be snippets, not major treatises in theology.)

One of the fun things about writing a blog is picking the topic.  You might not think that picking a topic is without risk. But you would be wrong!. Amazing the things that you can overlook which are important.  I had two options for the topic of this blog:  The Feast of Corpus Christi (which is observed this Sunday) OR National Donut Day. I have thrown caution to the wind and decided to ignore National Donut Day. I do thank God that I never developed a strong attachment to Krispy Kreme. I would weigh over 500 pounds. Choosing the Real Presence is but an important acknowledgement that I have celebrated Mass at a parish named after the Eucharist for 48 years.

Now on to the Eucharist and the Real Presence.

My views on speaking about the Eucharist and the way to present it came from a priest professor,my spiritual director, and finally a great friend. In fact, he spoke directly to the then Bishop of Paterson, Bishop Casey, to recommend that he accept me as a priest and why.  He always emphasized the need to speak and write clearly and as simply as possible. To actually do so is a great gift - one which I try to display - and sometimes fail spectacularly! Often, but not always, I will look at the written text for a homily or article - and with dogged determination, I do what my friend suggested. Rip apart my draft to make it simpler and clearer. I confess that I do not do this for every homily or article, even though I should.

Here is the practical problem. The Catechism of the Catholic Church contains this passage in its glossary about Eucharist: "The ritual, sacramental action of thanksgiving to God which constitutes the principal Christian liturgical celebration of and communion in the paschal mystery of Christ. The liturgical action called the Eucharist is also traditionally known as the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. It is one of the seven sacraments of the Church; the Holy Eucharist completes Christian initiation. The Sunday celebration of the Eucharist is at the heart of the Church's life."

Do you see the problem? Some of the phrases are helpful to the typical reader. Some are not. Imagine if the writing committee had used my friend's principles for clear and easily understood writing.

The theologian Gabriel Moran wrote this sentence which easily sums up the Eucharist:  "The Eucharist is the Church at her best." You can do a lot in developing this thought.

How to present the "Real Presence" which can be more easily said than done? Over the years, a few authors tried it this way which I have found helpful:  Jesus took bread and wine and identified himself completely with them.  Sure, more development is needed to have a fuller understanding - but this does present the core of the teaching on the Real Presence.

To present some of the major truths we believe about the Eucharist: 

This is the Body and Blood of Christ.  The bread and wine, once consecrated at Mass, remains the Body and Blood of Christ. It does not stop being the Body of Christ. This is the reason why the Eucharist is treated with respect, with reverence during Mass and also after the Mass.  

I could just keep typing and render a kind reader into thoughtful sleepiness after a little while. Don't want to do that. What I do want to do is make a major point or two.

When we talk about the Body of Christ, there are many connections with the Real Presence other than the Mass itself. For example, as Catholics, we venerate the presence of God in the word (The Scriptures) as we do in the Mass. This is why we can see at Mass the connections between reading the Word of God and the celebration of the Eucharist itself. Jesus told us that where two or three are gathered together, he is right there in the midst of them. (If that is not a real Presence, then I don't know what is!)

There are many topics about the Eucharist which could be easily written (well,perhaps not easily, but it can be done) This is not the day to do it, but someday, in the future, it might be.

For now, just know - the presence of God in the Eucharist is Real. It exists. It is the heart of our faith. This is what we believe. This is what we celebrate on the Feast of Corpus Christi.

Here is another dimension of the Eucharist - adoration - praying to God in the Eucharist.  Here is what Pope Francis said about the spiritual practice of adoration:

Sorry We're Closed - We're Open - May 28, 2012

These are the two signs that have appeared in our churches during the past year of the pandemic. Both expressed a message to support public health. Generally, people followed the messages when churches were closed. Now that they are open, people seem a little cautious, but hopeful.

The "Sorry We're Closed" sign set off a tremendous amount of activity in parishes. Each parish had to increase its connection with their people if their people did not physically enter their building. Parish music programs were uprooted, although some used creative ways to continue their music ministry. Parish programs quickly morphed into on-line experiences. People that had never picked up a computer manual in their lives suddenly become experts at ZOOM and a host of other things on the internet.

Although this is speculative, it does make sense that those parishes that had the most contact with their people found their people supporting their parish at levels almost approaching pre-pandemic. Parishes that do not do much to reach out to their people  - well, let's say - their results were predictable. Sigh.

I was intrigued by the quick shifts people made in order to at least have some experience of prayer and worship through live-stream liturgies. This happened far more quickly than I would ever have imagined. Now, with the "we're open" signs rapidly appearing in most parishes, we will face another phenomenon. What does it take - what must we do - so that people will feel comfortable in returning to buildings that were pretty much closed for the last few months.

As I look at what has happened in various segments of everyday life, it seems reasonable to suggest that the return will be staggered.  Because a bishop announces that the churches will reopen and that people can return to their parish church, while it might be nice, it does not generally mean that people will instantly change the habits formed during the pandemic and just return to church.

We look at the types of enticements being offered to people to get their vaccines - and the great success they have had in increasing the number of people being vaccinated.  Regardless of the approach that is used, it is not going to happen quickly or automatically. What will cause people to change their routine formed over the past year and return to the churches. Pastors and church ministers need to reach out to their people - and ask them - what can they do to make possible their return to church.

If it takes 20-50 days to build a habit, then how many days to help extricate themselves from the pattern of watching Mass on live-stream - and actually gingerly (sorry, atrocious grammar) head into church.

I'm going to start thinking about this  - why don't you do the same and share it with your parish leaders.  We are all in new territory here. The Eucharist is the heart of the Church - certainly the heart of being Catholic. How can we restore the exerience of worship and prayer that our people have missed for the past year? Easier said than done. Practical insightful minds need to figure this out.

Minimally, I figure it will take until the fall to see an appreciable difference. I would love to be proven wrong.

 

 

This is Jeopardy (but not mine - sigh) - May 21, 2021

 

I never was drawn to watching Jeopardy until I was fully retired. Not sure why, but that was the way it was.  I now tape and watch the episodes whenever I can.  In customary humility, I think of what  wonderful contestant I might be - a chance to easily $100,000 to help with rent, food, and everything else.  As with most of my imaginings, I am somewhat like a little kid at the midnight smorgasbord on an ocean cruise. Look at all the wonderful foods, especially the desserts. Must take as much as I can carry without calling too much attention to myself.

As you know, there are two versions of Jeopardy available: one are the reruns which still feature Alex Trebek as host. What a master of the experience. His light touch makes it look easy. Of course, it is not, but I can dream, or at least casually speculate that I could do that.   The version is more of a prime-time version - where, at present, different persons are trying out as guest hosts. I tape them all - and watch them quickly.

I have disabused myself of the idea that I could be a contestant on Jeopardy. Periodically, I keep score for myself. Sometimes, I do pretty good. Other times, shall we say, a little or even a los less good! (so much for good grammar)

The humiliating time is when I watch and, once in a while, do not get one single answer correct. Clearly, something is wrong with the TV. But it is fun. 

Next move is to load the app onto my phone to see how I do with that version. I have a hunch that another champion will not emerge.  As in many other experiences where I think something would be easy, it just is not. These contestants are really good. They often have a breadth and depth of knowledge that is impressive.  I can often answer a number of the questions, but never enough to be a contender. 

With my luck, I would be a contestant - the category would be religion - and the question would be:  Was Jesus a Cubs fan? I probably would receive not one cent. But the knowledge learned through watching Jeopardy is just fun and far more compelling than other things I could be doing.

What does this have to do with my field? Simple, there is a whole body of knowledge about Jesus and the Church that we each really need to try to know. I wince when you ask someone "what do you have to know to be a Catholic, and they answer confidently, The Ten Commandments. They should only be given partial credit because the answer is correct, but doesn't it make you wonder why they could not mention something Jesus said in the New Testament rather than something in the Old Testament? We do need to know the message of the Old Testament, the history of our salvation - and the message of the New Testament involving Jesus and the growth of the Church. Excuse the very inadequate example: it would be like breathing with just one lung and we have too lungs to use.  

I do perk up when one of the Jeopardy categories is Religion.  I'm pretty good at that area, thank goodness! But I['m also not perfect when it involves religions outside of our Judeo-Christian tradition.

Knowledge is good. We can all learn more. We can even discover that the more we learn, the deeper our faith.

So, if you're watching Jeopardy, know that I'm watching with you. And if you answer more questions than me - good for you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nattering Nabobs of Negativism - May 14, 2021

There are certain words that are interesting to say. Here is one special phrase written by "William Safire and used by Spiro Agnew in a speech in 1970: nattering nabobs of negativism. This was a wonderful phrase. It was fun to say. Sadly I have never used this in a talk or homily, but this does not mean that it might not suddenly appear sometime. My hunch and hope would be sooner rather than later! Safire used words to paint pictures. Agnew used words to skewer.  Both were good at it.

You would be excused for questioning the purpose of the above paragraph in this post.  But I do have a point to make that occurred to me a week or so ago.

As I get older (and I apparently am getting older - and know a large number of people who are getting older as well - go figure!) I find that I resist being around negative people.  I can get sucked into their line of thought; they go over and over the same negative stuff and I just don't like it anymore.  While, in the past, I was never wild about all the negative talk on things, but I just can't take it anymore. It may be another welcome benefit of practicing transcendental meditation.

I'm seeing more clearly now. Since I fully retired from my two jobs, I realize that there now has come a time in my life when I have choices about what I do, who I see, whom I talk with, what I read, and all sorts of things. I even have choices about what I eat, what I watch on TV, and more frequently, what I think about. What is highly important on the list of things mentioned in the paragraph - is that I just do not want to spend time with negative people. They cannot totally be removed from my life - but I can take steps not to be around them if possible - and, most importantly - shield myself from letting their negativity overwhelm me and remain with me.  Being rather polite, I typically can look interested when I really hate to be in the presence of such people. I am quietly calling them a whole variety of names which at least amuses me a little!

I am especially sensitive to the really negative people who keep putting other people down. Must be nice to be perfect!I realize that I have been on my soapbox (a well-used soapbox at times) while pontificating about negative people. But in writing about nattering nabobs of negativism, it also brings me up short when I am negative. It is so unnecessary. Often it is so unkind. I have to avoid this in myself - and maybe this might nudge others to do so as well.

 

 

 

  

 

Mother's Day - Honoring our Mothers - and Mary, the Mother of God - May 7, 2012

 

Mother's Day is a day to honor our mothers and to honor Mary, the Mother of God. Pope Francis and other recent popes were known for their devotion to Mary. It is a great part of family life to honor our mothers on Mother's Day. (I am such a good son and member of the Church that I thought last weekend was Mother's Day.  I guess it is a good thing do make mistakes like this, lest I forget that I'm human - which seems to be happening a little more as the decades go galloping by.)

Mother's Day is a necessary and warm reminder of the role that our mothers play in our lives. There is no such thing as a perfect mother, a perfect priest, a perfect father, a perfect son or daughter, well, you know the drill. We are all human - some more than others! But it is a reality,

I would just like to suggest that we use this weekend as a time to really honor our mothers. If your mother has gone home to God, then pray for her. If she is still with you, pray for her. If needed, forgive your mother - as has probably forgiven you many times over the years. Thank God for all the sacrifices which she made for you - probably more than you ever realized.

True confession: I am much more appreciative of my mother now than I was decades ago. It has been a long time since I used to think of myself as the perfect child. I actually did think this until one day I just recognized that it was stupid, silly, and in no way accurate.

The connection with Mary, the Mother of God:  I believe that Mary shows us the passionate tenderness of God. It is a beautiful thought - and somehow our devotion to Mary is also linked with our prayers to God. 

Mary has been given a veritable plethora of titles in the history of the Church. Why do I mention this plethora? Simple, I like the word. I have not done much lately that I have found fun over the last several months. So why not indulge myself with using the word "plethora?"  Plethora. Plethora. Plethora. Then, I finally have it out of my system!

A few years ago, Mel Gibson produced a powerful film, the Passion of the Christ.  In that film, Maia Morgenstern, a Romanian actress, portrayed the role of Mary, Mother of Jesus.  While there are certain problems with the film's authenticity from the Gospels, there did not seem to be any problems with her acting. She was a phenomenal actress who brought to the role of Mary the power, the grace, the wisdom, the love, and the suffering all mentioned in the Scriptures. Most reviewers agree with me so I must be right!  She is an extraordinary actress who helped everyone appreciate in a much more complicated, yet direct way, the reality of the Mother of God.

 

Happy Mother's Day, everyone.  In the insightful words of Charlie Brown, "Survive!"

 

 

 

 

Perhaps we'll be OK - but it took a rocket ship! April 30, 2021

 

 

 

There are a steadily growing number of events which give us a reasonable hunch that we are all going to be OK.  Too many people are still sick from the coronavirus. But you cannot refute the fact that the vaccinations have caused fewer people to lose their lives. May this continue.

This occurred to me last week when I woke up at my usual time, 5 a.m. Sigh. I turned on the TV news station and saw that they were readying a countdown for the take off of a spaceship with four astronauts to go to the International Space Station.  As you can see, the takeoff was successful at about 5:40. 

I noticed an involuntary smile on my face and wondered why - maybe, just possibly, we were going to be OK.  Have you had any of those feelings? Well, it seems to be happening more frequently. The venom in our national conversations seems to be less. It is a wonderful feeling. 

W are now getting used to people having their injections. We are getting used to hearing more good health news and less bad health news.

I had three health things which, while not debilitating in any way, nonetheless concerned me. Two of the three have now been addressed due to the advances of medicine. In the past, they would never have been addressed at such a rapid rate. I do pray with gratitude to God for the achievements in medical science. I pray with gratitude for the availability of great medical insurance. Not everything is covered, but so much more than many people have available. Thank you, God.

 

Have you been languishing today? (Probably) - April 23, 2021

During the pandemic, many people have noticed a feeling of listlessness about many things. Routines that used to be so automatic have now become an effort. Things you may have noticed about yourself: what day is it; what did I do yesterday; did I remember to send that note or thank that person; what was the article about that I read yesterday?  What did I do this week, this month, even this year? How many good friends have I connected with during the past month? Have relationships, friendships, just faded away and I don't know what to do? Are you losing your mind? Is there something wrong with me? Am I super depressed? Do any of these thoughts remind you of yourself?  

(OK - I'll go first.) The above questions seem to resemble things that have occurred to me.  But, and now I'm breaking no confidences, but these things have happened to a lot of people that I know. What is actually going on? Sometimes, when things seem to be all jumbled, one way to begin to work things through is the simple act of naming what is doing on.  I and many others seem to be afflicted with the condition from social psychology known as languishing. A few days ago, I noticed an article in the New York Times by an organizational psychologist, Adam Grant. His article hit many publishing circles like a tsunami. He was right on target. Actually, he had recalled some work 20 years ago by Corey Keyes. Here is his definition of what is happening to many of us by languishing: “A state in which an individual is devoid of positive emotion toward life, and is not functioning well either psychologically or socially, and has not been depressed during the past year. In short, languishers are neither mentally ill nor mentally healthy.” The key is the last sentence: you are not nuts but something is awry. You're really in-between a little bit ill and a little bit healthy - which may possible be most of us in this awful pandemic. 

Here are the suggestions of Adam Grant to work through this languishing. I'll repeat a couple of sentences verbatim from the New York Times article because it makes so much sense:

"Find states of “flow,”.... There are pursuits (from hanging out with friends to playing the piano) that take you out of yourself. They bend time and place, in the best way. I would also personally recommend routine. Fill out a calendar, fill out a journal. Schedule meals. Go to bed at the same time every night.

The pandemic has taken so much from us, and for some, the final twist of the knife has been a loss of self. We don’t recognize ourselves, and down the line, that could lead to real scenes of mental illness, perhaps even a major depressive episode. Don’t expect to find excitement and excellence right away, but with a bit of intent, you can climb out of languishing’s purgatorial holding bay and get yourself right again."

Languishing is being experienced by so many people who may be at a loss for what is happening to them. I hope this might be helpful. I'm going to try the above suggestions since I really do not recognize myself in many ways. So it is time to start. Good luck.

 

 

 

 

 

A National, Not Local, Problem - Will the People return? - April 16, 2021

Here are two photos of religious congregations - one before and one during the Pandemic:

During this past  year: 

Our Future?

 

My brief thoughts in this post are simply my own, representing me, no one else. I'm fully retired. I speak for no one. (Have I made that clear? Hope so!)

I am really concerned how people, throughout the Church in the United States, will handle the return to "normal" after the pendemic. We do have a couple of dioceses that have revoked their past decisions removing the obligation for this past year of participating in Sunday Mass. 

What troubles me? Namely, unintended consequences. I doubt that there are many people in the Church who correctly predicted how quickly people would get used to the idea of no obligation to attend/participate in Mass. People easily set aside the practice of Mass attendance. Although I have seen no national surveys on this issue, but my hunch is that people easily and quickly morphed from a practice of attending Mass over decades, into a practice of attending Mass in their home, on their porch, and possibly, not attired in their Sunday best! Things changed quickly. 

There were various reactions along the way. Some, possibly in the majority, viewed this as a wise decision to protect public health. The response of some was fueled by political concerns and even blamed the pope,  local bishops and priests for "closing" their Churches. And lots of people in-between.

This brings us to the present day. It may be helpful to recall the research which highlighted reasons that bring people into Church (note that this was pre-pandemic research) People used to come to Church based upon a variety of factors - including high quality preaching that connected the message of the homily with the stories and experiences of people's lives; the felt experience of parish community, warm and inviting; high quality music; and so many others. 

I would be surprised if people would just fall-in lockstep behind each other and re-appear in church the next Sunday because a bishop asks/tells/invites them to return. Why? Even as churches were given permission to have people return, though under restrictions about social distancing and officially allowed numbers in the church, they did not all flock right back into church. They came almost gingerly to try it out - but in no way with numbers that seemed large. We have not yet seen the effects on church attend after larger numbers being vaccinated. Will this change? Hopefully. But we need to be smart.

The most productive way may simply mean following an old maxim: Make haste slowly. Slow, steady progress is a good way to proceed. Given some of the unpredictability of the virus and variants, we need to go slow enough to respect people's concerns and fast enough to build up momentum in returning. 

As with most things involving social change and even personal change, things take time. There is an organizational principle that Stephen Covey often repeated, slow is fast and fast is slow. If you want to make lasting effective change, then do it slowly - and results will be far quicker than if you rush it.  In Jersey jargon, just saying.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Keep the Flame Going - Easier Said than Done - April 9, 2012

Which Flame are You like? Which Flame is your Parish like?

Do you keep things going - for yourself - Does your parish?

Or do things turn to this?

(I feel more visual than verbal today.)

It is incredibly hard to keep things going - to keep momentum - in regular activities - in relationships - and in parishes. 

Do you just let yourself coast?  Does your parish just coast?

 

 

Some brief thoughts:  When relationships just coast, we will be in trouble unless we act to change.

Parishes that coast will ultimately wither and die - even though many people will still come to church. But they are held captive by a routine, not the promise of new life that a parish can and should offer. 

One of the most exciting thing about Catholic parishes are those that resolutely refuse to coast.  To never stop trying things. To recognize that their parishioners are their customers - and, therefore, they have to meet their needs, find out what they want, and connect with their dreams.

Many successful marriages, successful partnerships, know the value of date nights, giving each other space when needed, listening without speaking, and just celebrating the gift of each other - every single day. A relationship is hard work. It is that simple, but few things on earth can be as rewarding.

Easter is our celebration of the dream that never dies. The most incredible dream we could ever have. The non-abandoning love of God.

Don't coast. It is not worth it. Be drawn to the empty tomb - and realize what draws us beyond that tomb - and into eternal life.

(Entering the tomb of Jesus in the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, Jerusalem - The most sacred place on earth - with the exception of anywhere that Mass is celebrated!)

 

 

Sorry, Easter Bunny! - April 2, 2021

This post has nothing to do with Santa Claus. It is all about the Easter Bunny and a little about Santa Claus. During the decades while I was pastor, I served once as the Easter Bunny at a parish function and once as Santa Claus. Both events were fun. 

I was thinking this morning about the Easter Bunny and Santa this morning. I knew the background of Santa Claus, especially through Saint Nicholas (living in the Morristown area, how could you not believe in Saint Nicholas!) I was somewhat puzzled about the origin of the Easter Bunny. Frankly, after doing a little research, I am still puzzled. 

The best I could come up with was a few strands in history involving German Lutherans. The Easter Bunny would judge who had been good or bad - and give gifts based upon this assessment. The story did not really cause me to say, "Wow!"

There is always the argument from experience. My experience with the Easter Bunny is that the creature is a benign influence, does not speak, gives children eggs - and, most importantly, is a gentle benign presence. The Easter Bunny, if the one wearing the costume is properly trained, does not speak to anyone - just listens - and makes no promises.

Santa is a totally different story. People, especially kids, make demands of poor Santa. They tell him what they want - and, while not threatening Santa with harm, the approach to Santa is different than the approach to the Easter Bunny. 

Wonder if Santa just denied their thoughtful requests? Not nice of Santa.

Theological question: do we have to believe in the Easter Bunny? If you like the Easter Bunny, great. Do we have to believe in Santa Claus? Don't be a Scrooge. Believe in Santa. 

It is fun playing with these two images. But it is joyful thinking about what we observe at Holy Week and Easter, the greatest of our feasts. Don't forget what Easter is all about? Life. God's promises kept to Jesus. Eternal life. 

Now I am absolutely serious: Jesus conquered sin and death - and so will we - because God never ever abandons the ones that God loves. This is what it is all about. This is what we need to remember to truly get through everything the world throws at us. Easter is what gives us hope. Easter reminds us not to give up. Easter encourages us when we feel everything is lost and not worth it. The empty tomb is what our world discovered on Easter. Our world discovered that life wins - and that settles everything else. So stay with it. It is worth it - perhaps not in the short run, or the middle run - but definitely in the ultimate run. We will finally learn that it is safe to trust God. Not everything will turn out as we want. But God won't abandon us. Remember what Mary Magdalene discovered. The tomb was empty. She saw Jesus. She understood what had happened. Thanks to her - we now know where we too are headed.

Final scene of the Passion Play at Oberramagau, 2010:

Alleluia - He Is Risen

 

 

A and P Catholics

If you are in church ministry as a line of work, you probably use initials as a shorthand for various parish programs. Here are some of the most commonly used: RCIA - Rite of 
Christian Initiation of Adults; CCD - Confraternity of Christian Doctrine or a variety of other words designed to fill out the initials CCD; RC - Roman Catholic; PV - Parochial Vicar. The Vatican is filled with groups known by their initials - most Catholic can go their entire life and not have to content with any of them. Then we come to possibly one of the most used  - A & P Catholics - stands for Ashes and Palms Catholics. This can be a positive or a negative abbreviation - but still it is widely used in Church circles.

Ashes and Palms - Here is what it means and what is the connection:

 

Ashes are the byproduct of burning palms, a clear way of explaining - "Remember you are dust and unto dust you will return."  This is the positive spiritual meaning of A and P Catholics. Nothing denigrating about it. That is the way it should be. Unfortunately, there are some who use the abbreviation to look down on those people that they feel only come twice a year - Ash Wednesday and Palm Sunday. There are some in Church ministry who do like to feel superior to people that are not as enlightened as they are. So they pity those pour souls who truly do not understand the beauty of the symbols and all the liturgies of Lent.

The Church ministers who seem to be putting people down by using the phrase "A and P Catholics" may see themselves as far more sophisticated than the rest of the people who really feel genuinely deprived if they do not receive ashes and palms. It seems to me that we forget who educated our people in the ways, the mores, and the customs of our faith. This topic puts me right on my personal soapbox - especially when I hear church ministers talking about the people who do not come to Church. Just a personal thought, but in my gentle view, how the heck can you criticize people for not coming to Church if the quality of preaching is not outstanding. A mountain (slight exaggeration!) has documented repeatedly how important are the following factors in whether people come to Mass (first is quality of preaching, then a welcoming community and music that draws people into a community of believers in Jesus. Can we not take and consider our own responsibility for the quality of preaching, the liturgical music, an environment of joy and caring within the parish community.

The quality of preaching in parishes is one of the most documented and addressable problems in the life of the church. The devotional life of our people is nurtured through all the various things that come so us from our senses - stained glass, ashes, palms, medals, statues, religious art and so many other things.

So my personal opinion, and off the soapbox, use the palms, use the ashes, use so many things, soak in the music- and everything about our faith we can use.  And, just a suggestion which I do apply first to myself, and often forget (sadly): we need to be gentle with each other. News flash:  few of us are perfect! Sorry, this is what the data shows!

 

I would make just one edit in the above graphic: "Work hard and be kind ABOUT each other."

 

 

St. Joseph - worth celebrating! - March 19, 2019

Arguably, Joseph has had an inconsistent history in the life of the Church. Clearly, the focus was on Mary, rather than Joseph. He was the foster father of Jesus. The Scriptures tell us little about Joseph - and we do not hear of him beyond the earliest chapters of the Gospels of Matthew and Luke. Despite those few references, through the history of the Church, Joseph accumulated many titles, devotions, and prayer in the Church. Pope Francis has dedicated this year to St. Joseph. He wrote that “St. Joseph reminds us that those who appear hidden or in the shadows can play an incomparable role in the history of salvation.” Joseph was certainly in the shadows, silent, his words never recorded.

It seems that, over the history of the Church, we have all been invited to "fill in the blanks" of much of Joseph's life. How did people know what to fill in? My hunch is that people saw Joseph as one of the primary influences upon the life of Jesus. How could he not be? He was obviously filled with overwhelming love for Mary and Jesus. He was obviously present for some of the most miraculous events in the history of our salvation.

I'm simply suggesting that we not lose sight of who Joseph is and what he can be for each of us. Our doctrine about Jesus is quite clear that he possessed both humanity and divinity. He was God and Man. Joseph pointed us to this - this quiet person who helped to guide Jesus and did so through his love of Mary.

There is a statue of Saint Joseph that I just discovered a couple of years ago (I lead a sheltered life!). The purpose of this statue of St.Joseph is to write your prayer requests down and place them under the statue. Joseph will work on them while we are sleeping. It is not a bad leap theologically - we are asking the one who took care of Jesus and Mary to take care of us as well.

The sleeping St. Joseph statue can be found in religious goods stores around the world - and is in stock at amazon.com.

I like the theology of this devotion and what it suggests is the role of Saint Joseph. This makes a little more sense to me than burying a statue of St. Joseph in your backyard so your house will sell. But what can I say? Many houses do well. Many prayers are answered. St. Joseph has pretty good connections in the Holy Family. The older I become, the less I say things  like "oh, that could never happen."

Happy St. Joseph Day.

The sleeping St. Joseph statue can be found in religious goods stores around the world - and is in stock at amazon.com.

I like the theology of this devotion and what it suggests is the role of Saint Joseph. This makes a little more sense to me than burying a statue of St. Joseph in your backyard so your house will sell. But what can I say? Many houses do well. Many prayers are answered. St. Joseph has pretty good connections in the Holy Family. The older I become, the less I say things  like "oh, that could never happen."

Happy St. Joseph Day.

The sleeping St. Joseph statue can be found in religious goods stores around the world - and is in stock at amazon.com.

I like the theology of this devotion and what it suggests is the role of Saint Joseph. This makes a little more sense to me than burying a statue of St. Joseph in your backyard so your house will sell. But what can I say? Many houses do well. Many prayers are answered. St. Joseph has pretty good connections in the Holy Family. The older I become, the less I say things  like "oh, that could never happen."

Happy St. Joseph Day.

Saint Patrick and the Irish - March 17, 2021

(Explanation - this is the first time that I have repeated a past posting for a particular date. So, I wrote this about Saint Patrick two years ago. I like it! Hope you do as well.)

March 17, 2019

Ok, having spent yesterday’s post extolling the importance of recognizing that we are all part of a mosaic and not a melting pot, it is time to focus on one particular part of the mosaic - being Irish. I start with the customary disclaimer that everyone should focus on their own ethnic group - and revel in it. So today’s feast of Saint Patrick gives me the freedom, if not the responsibility, to focus on the Irish without intending any unflattering comparisons with any other nationality or ethnic group.

Where does one start? God is Irish. Jesus is Irish. The Holy Spirit is Irish. Mary, the mother of Jesus, is an Irish mother. The Irish discovered America, electricity, cures for cancer, solar power, properly brewed Guiness, fashion, music, baseball, golf, literature, sculpture, poetry, the family, the Catholic Church (only the good parts), computers, . The Irish were the finest in these occupations or livlihoods: acting, singing, architecture, science, medicine, the social sciences, horseracing, agriculture, falconry, politics, and the list goes on and on.

The Irish are humble, even-tempered, somber, sober, inquisitive, love golden retrievers, castles, and the color, green. Years ago, Thomas Cahill wrote a book titled “How the Irish Saved Civilization.” You’ll get no argument from me. We do this every single day. 

I have heard, possibly from legends, that there are Irish people who enjoy a good time, savor medicinal spirits in liquid form, and frequent roadside chapels in Ireland that some call pubs. 

Over a long time, I have been up to speed on the sociology of the Irish people - and most especially Irish Catholic Americans. What can I say other than there is no group like them. That is a safe non-belligerent statement = which also recognizes that there are Irish Catholics who are more than capable of being belligerent - none of you, of course.

I do revel in being an Irish Catholic American from Chicago. That is my particular lot in life. I hope that each of you revels in what ever nationality/ethnic group/place of birth you have. We each need to revel in what we are and who we are. To me, this is part of being Catholic and American. 

TODAY'S GRATITUDE: For being an Irish Catholic American Cubs fan from Chicago.

 

Statue at Croag Patrick, Mayo, Ireland

Nice vs. Not Nice - March 16, 2021

A number of people who know me more than cursorily know that I'm trying to learn vegan cooking. It is a difficult journey because cooking for me is, at best, an unnatural act. One of my most spectacular failures was a few years ago - Vegan Shepherd's Pie.  The healthy ingredients somehow were on the floor, on cabinets and counters, and naturally, my clothes. I am determined to keep at it. One of my most consistent successes is the vegan version of ice cream which I found in one of the books by Doctor Joel Fuhrman. Ice cream in his vegan recipes has been renamed Nice cream - a lovely name for food which is both healthy and delicious.

As you may be aware, the word "nones" has crept into social science research  and popular reporting. For some reason, I thought about this as I was considering the fact of those who are nice and those who are not.  Nones essentially means those who do not have a particular spiritual home. It is a growing number of people today.  I always considered myself blessed to serve in a parish with such an incredibly high number of "nice" people. What a pleasure to work with people who were genuinely nice. This did not mean that there were no challenges, but give me "nice" any day of the week. An awful large number of the "nones" are nice people as well.

Why am I carrying on about "nones" and "nice"? In all my decades of serving at the parish, I only encountered a handful of people who just were not nice. The fact was so pronounced that those who were not "nice" really stood out. I can sadly remember just about all those particular people by name. Some of them really got to me because they were so uncharacteristically vicious compared to all the other people. I tried as best as possible never to engage directly with these people, but it was difficult. Had to practice incredible restraint - and was mostly successful over the decades. I do know that this handful of people that were just not nice really got to me. They drained the oxygen right out of me. They made me wish that my home blood pressure monitoring machine could measure higher rates, etc. 

I felt really sorry for those who had to contend with this person on a more regular basis, especially at home, places of work, etc.  Frankly, I seethed inside = and hopefully did not show it.

It was far from an instant or default response, but after a while, I finally calmed down and I began to pray for the nasty person. I kept it up. Did it help? I don't know if it helped the person, but I do know it helped me.

Interesting thing was that these people who were not nice got to me not because they may have disagreed with me about something. Heck, that can happen in so many areas = and we can all disagree. This happened when they were simply nasty  = not nice.

Sharing these few lines about those who are not nice gives me another chance to appreciate so profoundly the type of people at the parish. I'm grateful for you in my life over these decades. I hope you have a great Easter in a few weeks. Heck, if I run into you, I may even give you "nice" cream! If I meet you and you are one of the incredibly few people who are Not Nice to me- GRRRRRRRR. I have forgiven you even though you still raise my blood pressure. Can't you try to be nicer? I'm a nice person. I might even give you "nice" cream!

By the way, the "nice" vegan ice cream is a lot healthier for you and your pets than regular ice cream.

 

 

Getting the Last Year Back - Were friendships lost during the pandemic - Part I - March 12, 2012

So many people feel that they lost a year. I know that I do. Certainly, my list of people with whom I'm in contact has really become much smaller. This was not a conscious act, but rather a process that happened when things were so totally different from the pandemic - and I did not know enough to do otherwise. I'm going to write a couple of posts about my friends - of all shapes and sizes.  This will actually help me look at those people who have not been part of my life since the pandemic began - and I really want to change things. 

True friends have been a valued part of my life, but candidly I have not finished what hopefully waning time of the pandemic with the same number of true friends.  I go back to this Irish bull which still seems to contain more wisdom than most words about friends: You only know who your true friends are - when the lights go out in the pub. How sadly true this is. I don't like it. Can there be objective reasons why I seem to have fewer friends, real good friends, at the end of the pandemic, rather than before the pandemic.

I have tried to figure out some different categories of friends - looked at things that, in hindsight, were preventable, looked at things that can still be changed, and realized that some were acquaintances or possibly even fair-weather friends.

I know there are different types of friends.  This clip from Frasier painful sense:

WE find substitutes, but there are really no commercial substitutes for great friends.  

I have some great friends who are genuinely outraged if someone has been mean to me or not fair to me, I easily and quickly share the favor - and we remind each other of loyalty.

These types of friends are valuable - but exhausting and treasured nonetheless.

I have tremendous feelings of abandonment - maybe due to my background or other factors. But I do not handle abandonment well. 

Winnie the Pooh says that "how lucky I am to have something that makes saying good-bye so hard."  I remember this at times when I feel abandoned, and start to recall the "abandoning" person with gratitude. But it takes a lot of effort to keep being grateful, especially when they are many miles away.

I return to the words of Jesus who reminded us what is so necessary in our lives and relationships. Jesus promised that he would not leave us orphans, but would always be with us. It is worth remembering, especially when there is a lot of abandonment going on!

Need friends for life who will never move away. Sometimes, this works, but many times things do not stay the same and that makes it hard. Feelings of abandonment stink. The pandemic makes it worse. We need to remember God's reminder:

 

I am blessed because only one of my closest friends moved away. But the loss is there.  How dare they? And - now I understand when people express their outrage over my retirement.  (What goes around comes around!)

To be continued in a few more posts. Want to share some of the incredible great things that I have received from extraordinarily good friends.

Lest you wonder, some of my closest friends were not golden retrievers!

 

 

 

 

 

This Past Year Evaporated - will we get it back? March 5, 2021

 

I'm feeling bummed. Actually have been feeling bummed a lot lately.  Nothing significantly different than a lot of people, I know. Why should I be different? Sigh.

I have become more and more aware of lost time, deprived time, even robbed time. I know that I was pretty busy on things during much of the past year. But now, when I look back, I am not really sure of what I accomplished. (That is a wonderful thought from an admitted overachiever!) Sigh.

The above photo from Back to the Future sums things up so well. Avoid 2020. As an astute person might observe, you cannot go back. We did it. Or more precisely, there are so many things we did not do. To be even more precise, there are a lot of things that I did, but it sure does not feel like it.  I can usually look back, go through the past  year's calendar, correspondence, etc., and get a good idea of what I may have accomplished during the past year. The product of my work during the past year just seems so paltry. I am conscious not so much of what I did, but that there were so many people, relationships, people important to me - whom I somewhat did not connect with during the past year. How the heck did it happen? But it clearly did. And this really bums me out bigtime.

It does come down to this = and well worth remembering:

 

Time for some course corrections as we begin to see light through this pandemic. Want to devote a few posts over the next several weeks looking are at how to recover through the pandemic, how to make up for the missed friendships, opportunities, and even times for hope. This objectively classified introvert really missed people! Not sure what I will find - but I want to try. Why not think about this for your own life as well? I think that a lot of us need to do this.

Can we reap the harvest of this past year?  We must.

 

I'm going to increase the number of my blogs over the next few weeks to explore some of the things raised in today's post. Hopefully, this will connect with things that you might have been thinking about as we move towards an end some day to the pandemic.

 

Do You Listen to understand? Or are you waiting for the other person to just finish talking so you can speak? February 26, 2021

"Most people do not listen with the intention to understand. They listen with the intent to reply." These words of Stephen Covey are among the most insightful that he has ever written. Obviously, one of the greatest problems in relationships is communication.

Let me share something that I'm good at - and something that I'm not good at.

I'm good at this: My analytical skills are good. I'm pretty good at recognizing people who do not communicate effectively, usually in their relationships. It is not that hard to know that some people just do not really want to listen. Listening to another person requires the self-discipline to shut up, to wait until the other person is finished speaking, and finally to respond based on what they have said. That is not an easy thing to do.  But I have seen it happen especially in two arenas of life: marriages and families - work situations. In marriages and families, I have seen so many people, spouses, parents, older children, lots of folks just spend their time with each other not listening, just talking, and dare I use this phrase - just going, Blah, Blah, Blah. This approach is contagious. It build up patterns in other members of the family- and finally, there is no one listening in the whole blasted family. I have sadly seen this happen in so many homes. It is destructive. It causes a toxic environment. It really affects everyone.

In work situations, I have seen the same dynamics go on - no one listens, no one waits to understand - people pause only so they can catch their breath and start talking again. Blah, blah, blah. Some people involved were never taught or convinced or shown how to communicate with others. There is a special point here which is a spiritual one - and incredibly so during Lent. I believe that taking enough time to shut up (excuse the lack of a religious phrase) and start listening is a spiritual act - or not.  It is really sad to watch, especially because the ripple effect is so powerful and self-perpetuating. The home is the domestic church - meant to be a place of grace. The place where you work or interact is also meant to be a place to act with honor, to follow the highest possible principles - and to respect the dignity of work and the dignity of people. But if no one is listening to anyone else, does anyone seriously suggest that God is happy with this? I doubt it.  

I'm not good at doing this: Taking the time to really listen to the other person, figure out what they're saying, and more importantly, what they mean - and then, and only then - responding. Decades ago, I realized that something was awry in my life. I could get through things with sheer determination, but everything seemed too much of an effort.  I finally had a sensible thought and took the four-day workshop on Stephen Covey's Seven Habits for Highly Effective People. Best thing I ever did. I took at least six of the Covey workshops over the years. I learned and learned and learned - often about myself too. I used the 360 degree evaluation tool at the parish where the staff filled out confidential surveys on my style. I learned many things about myself which were embarrassing - particularly when it was totally different than my own perception of what I did - and what I was like. But, oh, was it a valuable experience. We can even learn from To Kill a Mockingbird!

  

You don't have to take a ton of workshops and read a lot of books to accomplish these things. But you do have to look at things from the other person's point of view. If we remember to do it, it is not that hard. But it does take effort.

Most of the mistakes we make are in our relationships. But it does not have to be this way. Jesus expressed this in the simplest of phrases, "Do unto others as I have done unto you." Imagine how we might be when the end of Lent rolls around - and we have spent these forty days considering everything from other people's point of view. It can change your life. Why not try try it. If you want a good guide book, then pick up the trailblazing best seller - Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Even though it "masquerades as a business and self-improvement text, it is profoundly spiritual and based upon the Sermon on the Mount.

If you feel discouraged by problems in your relationships, just remember - we are all sinners. We all foul up. This is not an incentive to continue on the same path, but rather to finally decide to go down a different path. I wish you the best on this journey. I've been on it many times.

 

Don't Give Up Things for Lent - Do something better! - February 19, 2021

I was moving rapidly among spiritual sites on the internet and noticed a similar message which I had never seen before - and it made sense. The vast majority of sites, mostly Catholic, were suggesting that people not give up things for Lent - since we have given up so much already during the pandemic. A number of the sites focused on taking on the obligation of greater kindness as a more worthwhile Lenten activity than the things that we traditionally "give up" - i.e., dessert, television, alcohol, etc. When I shamefacedly (always wanted to use that word in a sentence, and until this second, had never done so!) thought about silly things I had done for Lent, this suggestion to take on the obligation of greater kindness made incredible sense to me. I actually gave up apricots for Lent - and I never ate apricots.

I must admit that I never understood the value of not eating Meat as a spiritual practice when the person who gave up meat really liked fish. Not a big deal. Not earth shaking. But you get my point. I can come up with a spiritual rationale for not eating meat on the Fridays of Lent. It was just never explained very well. 

Let me explore using the suggestion of "greater kindness" and why it appealed to me.

On more than a few occasions, I have watched with some bemusement when I have seen externally religious people really trash other people. Although I never said anything, I wondered at the inconsistency, even the great inconsistency between the spiritual external practices and what was obviously going on inside the person. 

As I get older, I notice that I place far more emphasis upon the virtue of kindness than I do many other things that people do. So many problems in relationships, in work situations, in family conflict, etc. would be different if we were determined to be kind. It also seems to be one of the characteristics that Jesus showed - excessively and even joyfully. I think about public figures, even political figures, who lived their public lives wanting to destroy those who differed from them. I found those people more and more jarring over time.

 

I remember a time in the seminary when the law of the Church (Canon Law) was changing and the professors did not have much to teach in the course on Canon Law. This particular professor said that we should  concentrate on following two principles in canon law: the first - Be Kind; the second - "Never trust anyone, not even your mother because they lie, they lie, and they lie." I came to understand both principles: be kind as an essential way to relate with people; never trust anyone was simply a determination to get to the truth and realize that many people may not, in fact, give the whole truth. You can quibble all you want with the second principle, but I think you get the point: be kind, and everything else will follow. 

I do try to be kind. But sometimes I fail - and I usually try to make some type of amends. I'm not perfect at it, but my hunch is that God is happy when I do try to be kind.  And it definitely feels better than not being kind.

Pope Francis gives us a way to fast that may be helpful to you:

 

Like it or not - Ready or not - Need it or not (and we need it) Lent begins within a week - February 12, 2021

Let's start at the very beginning. From ashes to Easter - First, the ashes must be made. Do you know where they come from? Ashes come from palm branches which are burned to make the ashes. Given the vagaries of our world, you can also obtain the ashes from Amazon for the thoughtful price of $14.88 for enough ashes to be used for 500 people. They arrive thoughtfully sealed in a plastic bag! On a possible rating of up to 5 stars, the ashes received 4.2 stars for 19 customers.  To get ashes from Amazon instead of having a special event in the parish to burn the ashes does seem a little crass. Since it's Lent, a confession: During the time I was pastor, there were a couple of times when no one thought to save the palms of the previous year to burn for the present Ash Wednesday. I panicked the first time - and then thought of Amazon. So I was crass and I used it. There are also a number of religious supply companies which also include ash in their catalogs.

 

News flash - ashes are dirty. I was startled to realize this the first time that I helped to distribute ashes. It should now have been the most startling realization, but I had never thought of it before.

Time to focus on Lent:  I really like the quotation at the top of this post: Let today be the day you give up who you've been for who you can become. (I just noticed that the graphic has two words out of order - in this paragraph is the correct order. Let's see if anyone notices!) What a great way to describe the journey we're invited to take during Lent. We begin the forty days of Lent trying to shake off those things, those patterns, those faults, those omissions which we can all do. Lent is a needed change of direction in our lives. Phrases like "turn away from sin believe in the Gospel" are familiar to us, but worth considering once again in our lives - every single year.

Do you play games at Lent?  I certainly have in my life. I always remember making a Lenten resolution when I was in grade school of giving up different kinds of food. I piously made this as my Lenten resolution and then picked out a food that I did not like - as a food I would not eat during Lent. As I got older in life, I heard of other games played during Lent. I knew people who would not drink alcohol during Lent to prove to the family that they did not have a drinking problem. Other people would give up desserts during Lent to help them lose weight by Easter. And so many other things. It is possible that those types of resolutions, though interesting, may not have a lot to do with changing our live and making certain that we walked through life more closely with Jesus.  That is a much different proposition than giving up dessert.

If we look at our selves with unflinching candor, what do we need to change? What can we change? We have at least 40 days to develop some new, some better, habits. Forty days is a decent length of time, if repeated every day, to develop new habits. Why not during the Forty days of Lent?

Give to the poor. For God's sake, start forgiving those you have not forgotten - arguably one of the hardest things I have to do - and hopefully you're not like me! Pray - don't make it complicated.  A tremendous Lenten exercise would be to read Jim Martin's new book on prayer - which I wrote about in the last post.  Reading that book,a few pages at a time, would be a magnificent blessed thing to do during Lent. I cannot recommend it highly enough.

Be kind to people. Don't be a bear to your family or co-workers. Don't judge. There are so many things we can do. Make it adult. Make it simple. The idea is that, by Easter, we are really better - not a bad goal to have - and to achieve. Go to Mass. Pray the rosary. Go to Confession. Pray for each other. I pray for all of you. Please pray for me. Pray for our most broken world that it might be healed.

(I'll write more blogs during Lent,  though not every day, but certainly every Friday.  I'll often just write little snippets that hopefully will be of some use to you.

Happy Valentine's Day. I hope you did not forget to send me a Valentine card. I'm very sensitive and easily hurt. Let your conscience be your guide!

 

 

 

 

 

I recommend this book highly- it is beyond good- and can help all of us - even curmudgeons! - February 5, 2021

(For a few times over many years, I have gone wildly enthusiastic in recommending a book to you. Today is one of those days.  The book on prayer is just that good, clear, helpful, and fun. I think that it can change lives.)

There are various books that are written about prayer. And then there are important books which are also easy to read and phenomenally helpful and down to earth. Learning to Pray - A Guide for Everyone by the Jesuit, James Martin.

(this paragraph added at 9 a.m. 2-7-2021) This is a rare book which can actually be appreciated by atheists, agnostics, people of different religions, people of deep faith, and all sorts of other people. I seldom go this strong on my recommendations about books, but there is something so compelling and helpful about what Jim Martin has written. In my gentle way of stating what I think, if you do not find something of value in this book, there is possibly something wrong with you. How's that for pastoral sensitivity? Sigh.)

This will not surprise you, but I often have difficulty or problems with a lot of books on religion and prayer. My difficulty is not with the general topics which are important and necessary. My problem is that they make things too complicated, too other-worldly, and just not connected with people's lives. Jim Martin is in a totally different category. He knows how to write. He writes clearly. He does not fill pages with jargon. He is funny. He is interesting. His approach to topics is based on the questions and concerns that real people actually have.

You do not have to be filled with years of Jesuit education or theology to enjoy this book. You don't have to be someone who consciously spends all day praying.   A few years ago, Jim wrote a book called The Jesuit Guide to (Almost) Everything - A Spirituality for Real Life.  It was practical, helpful, and for real people. This new book on prayer is in that same style.

In the opening pages of the book, Jim addresses the reasons why people don't pray. He deals with realism - people felt they were not taught how to pray, prayer is for "holy" people, not them; some people are turned off by religion and thus turned off by prayer, some people don't see the point, some are too busy, some are too lazy, and some people fear change.  HIs approach is comprehensive but not encyclopedic. He addresses so many different angles about prayer without making it seem like just long lists of what prayer might be.

I wish the copyright laws would make it possible to just give you a few pages from the book, but that would not be appropriate. I don't know one adult whom I talk with who would not benefit and like this book.   This is true - and I do know more than a few people who are curmudgeons, people who are not easily convinced about anything, and even people who do not root for the Chicago Cubs. People from all these groups would like this book.  People who like Tampa in the Super Bowl will like this book. As will people from Kansas City!

The simplest understandings of prayer - opening our minds and hearts to God - prayer is part of our relationship with God - praying is how we stay close to God. Not terribly difficult, but oh, we make things complicated.

Jim shows us how to pray, how to learn, how to be open, and how not to give up. He also allows us to be (brace yourself) human - and even to make mistakes and not to be perfect and sometimes to feel, at times spectacularly. 

This book is so helpful on prayer that I wish I could just buy a copy for each person that I know - and then stand over them while they read the entire book. First of all, I know too many people and I'm an elderly retired priest - so can't do it. But I would like to. This book is just that good. 

Do you feel God listens to you? Do you feel God does not listen to you? Do you feel God is not interested in you? Angry at you?  And so many other things we can all conjure up. Trust me - God does care about us. Let Jim (Martin, not Mahoney) help you be convinced.

The book is available online on all the usual sites, Amazon, Barnes and Noble, etc. It sells for $27.99, hard-cover, 386 pages.

It was published yesterday. My copy arrived last night. I devoured it and could not put it down until I finished it. Here is possible photo of me after reading the entire book. I did not go to sleep until I had finished it! In truth, I have found that I keep remembering great ideas in the time since I finished this book.

It is #1 on Amazon's list of Self-Help for Catholics, an odd category - but it will sell and sell and sell - and help and help and help.

Pray Well - and Enjoy. 

   

Bah - Today is Groundhog Day - February 2, 2021

Imagine the power we have given over to the groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil.  This is the day when that dirty little heribore will decide if we will have six more weeks of winter.  Well, the little fellow came out of his hold, did not see his shadow, and made certain we would have six more weeks of winter. For those who did not know this important pit of information, the full name of this disgusting little creature is actually The groundhog's full name is actually Punxsutawney Phil, Seer of Seers, Sage of Sages, Prognosticator of Prognosticators and Weather-Prophet Extraordinary." I prefer to simply call the little groundhog that stupid groundhog.

Why don't I like the little guy? Simple. We have given him far too much control over our lives. Would it have killed him to decide we could not have any more winter? I am sick of winter. I used to like winter and considered it my favorite season. I have fallen too many times on snow and ice. I have had too many injuries. I know other people who have been waylaid by snow and ice. I blame Punxsutawney Phil. Why not? It makes just as many other things in our world in the past year or so.

Other than showing the characteristics of a petulant toddler, is there any possible purpose to this post? Well, just one, really.  How do we deal with things when we have no control - which is so many things in our lives lately. Do you bemoan your situation immediately? I usually do. And then, often, but not always, I come down to this thought, "Ok, God, what do I do now?" and I begin a process of deciding and, more other than not, I pray.

I don't do this always.  The winter storm this week was an example when I did not pray about this at all and just bemoaned my fate. Some things were really all fouled up in my schedule. For reason, I ended up with a number of things which had to be done - and could not do many of them.

Eventually, I come to my sense, but not always. After being petulant and self-centered, I did start to think of the people who were not as fortunate as I was during this storm. Sadly, I prayed for these people well after I was pitying myself, but I snapped out of it.

So Punxsutawney Phil, I don't like you. You look like a little rodent. I don't like winter. But I used to enjoy winter and had many wonderful times with wonderful friends - so a little gratitude would not hurt at all.

I don't know if you're like me - but I like to be in control. Surprise, surprise.  Well, who doesn't? God help us all.

Instead of the disgusting groundhog, why don't we have a Golden Retriever day- it might make all of us smile!

 

What Do You Read? A most fraught question, but a personal question I usually answer! - January 29, 2021

(Errata - I just reread my post for Friday and discovered to my chagrin a number of typoes and little mistakes. Must have been overly tired. So here is the tweaked version for this past Friday.  Sorry ab out that)

There are some questions that people ask me more than others. A few are inappropriate = which I usually deflect without answering directly. A very few are just obnoxious which I instantly deflect. Some are so rude - that I instantly respond, "That is really rude, now why would you want to ask me that? Is it your intention to be rude?" (It's a great response to give to really nosey people - feel free to use it!) Some ask questions looking for fights - that I am not eager nor inclined to have. And so on.  TMI - As they say, too much information. If someone is clearly troubled or sad, then I do my best to answer and help them. It was not until the time when I finally retired that I realized there is absolutely no rule, commandment, or advantage in having to answer every question. There are a few people whose questions seem designed to almost raise my blood pressure. I try, in advance, not to let them success. This comes up more than you might think, but I have responded better of the last several years. May write more about this in a little while - since it obviously concerns me and my stress level.

One of the most frequent questions that I get asked deals with what I read. I have no idea why this is so, but more than a few ask about this.

Let me simply say - I love reading. Have enjoyed reading as far back as I can remember. I was blessed with the ability to read before entering school. I know that my mother fostered this in me. My father was also a constant reader, especially after he retired. When my parents would bring me on vacation either in grammar school or high school, I would often read for the entire trip. I would look out the window occasionally and then return to the book. This approach to being on vacation did not, shall we say, amuse my father! Oh, well.

I took the Evelyn Woods Reading Dynamics Course when I was in college, then again in the seminary, and then again about ten years after being ordained. When I was ordained a priest in 1973, Bishop Casey, in his homily, reminded all those being ordained of the need to keep reading. An interesting principle I learned from Evelyn Wood Reading Dynamics courses:  courses: Anyone can double their reading speed by one simple change in their reading habits - do not move your lips when you read. It is an easy fix and works.  Feel free to send me large amounts of money for giving you this life-enhancing tip.

A large amount of my reading came from books in my "occupation" and interests.  This means that I read lots of books ( and I mean lots of books!) in sociology, spirituality, theology, Scripture, research,  administration, parish life, preaching. In the past ten years, I have started reading a number of books about History - Church history, U.S. history, and political history. (This may stun you, but I have only read three books on the Chicago Cubs. How many books do you have to read when you already know that there are the number one team in the history of civilization?)

Oops, I forgot to mention the amount of reading I do on the internet, especially magazines, journals, articles. I am a fierce researcher. I use the internet as a great research tool in a variety of subjects.  For example, I have had this little medical thing which concerns me. I devour the internet, using all kinds of search engines, to learn more about this little medical thing and what can be done.  Two nights ago, I came across a recently released major medical study which has not yet hit the popular literature. It will because it is a major development in medical science.  I can't wait to discuss it with the specialist that I have been seeing to be sure that I have understood it correctly. I am fortunate that I can devour research studies, statistics, and charts rather quickly. (I need a life.)

One of my concerns about reading is that I have long been aware that there were still areas of knowledge where I really knew very little. This bothers me when I come across the TV program, Jeopardy. Once in a while, I get excited and think that I should try to be a contestant on Jeopardy. Then I try the answers on the program and discover a couple of things about myself. In certain subjects, I can get most of the questions and answers. But in a large number of areas, I am literally clueless-  so Jeopardy has been soared my participation. With my luck, I would probably mess up the questions on religion!

I did have a way of filling in some of the gaps over the last several years. A wise friend mentioned that he always reads the books on the list of 5 books that Bill Gates felt were the best in a particular year. Needless to say, I had never read any of them - but now I look forward to the books as a way to increase my knowledge in a different field. Here are the books he recommended from 2020:

The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness, by Michelle Alexander

Range: Why Generalists Triumph in a Specialized World, by David Epstein.

The Splendid and the Vile: A Saga of Churchill, Family, and Defiance During the Blitz, by Erik Larson.

The Spy and the Traitor: The Greatest Espionage Story of the Cold War, by Ben Macintyre

Breath From Salt: A Deadly Genetic Disease, a New Era in Science, and the Patients and Families Who Changed Medicine, by Bijal P. Trivedi.

These five books are on my coffee table, starting at me, and begging me to start reading them. I will insert these into the lists of other books that I'm reading. This should be fun!

I almost forgot. I love to read novels, especially political fiction. I find it relaxing and go through these things late at night. I usually read novels by Vince Flynn, Tom Clancy, Robert  Ludlum, Daniel Silva, Brad Thor, Dan Brown, and Dale Brown. (I should mention that, if a book has been out for a year or more, I try to get it as a used book on amazon.com. This can be a huge savings - and books of great quality can be purchased for a great reduction in the original price.)

That's enough for now. Thank goodness for the ability to have these books on my iPad - makes it so much easier and cheaper. Here is what I look like reading on my iPad.  Ok, maybe not. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Time for our nation to grieve for so many lives lost - Time to respect their passing - January 19, 2021

(Over the next few days, when appropriate, I'll share some spiritual thoughts as we try to move forward in our nation.)

The inauguration ceremonies began just a little while ago with prayers for those who were killed by the Coronavirus in our country. For far too long, we have not paused to pray together as a nation for those who have died from this pandemic. Our incoming president wanted to begin the inauguration experience with a memorial service for those who died from this plague. Cardinal Wilton Gregory, the Archbishop of Washington, prayed a beautiful prayer for these dear souls who died. Here are some excerpts:

"Our sorrow unites us to one another as a single people with compassionate hearts. May our prayer strengthen our awareness of our common humanity and our national unity at a time when harmony is a balm that seeks to comfort and strengthen us as a single people facing a common threat that is no respecter of age, race, culture, or gender. Let us with one heart commend those who have died from this virus and all of their loved ones to the Providential care of the One who is the ultimate source of peace, unity, and concord. Amen."

 

 

Do You Read the Irish Sports Pages? I do - religiously. January 15, 2021

Full disclosure: I have never read the book pictured in the above graphic, Irish Sports Pages. I was looking for a graphic for this post about Irish Sports Pages - and it was perfect. 

I came from an Irish background - this will not be a surprise to those who know me as this Irish Catholic kid from Chicago. My parents were second generation in this country. My father was an Irish Catholic born in Cicero, Illinois. He often punctuated his conversation with Irish phrases - which he must have learned from his parents.  My mother was Baptist Irish. She joined the Catholic Church when I was a junior in high school. She truly did not have any Irish characteristics that I could recall. She was a Chicago Cubs fan so that was clearly in her favor, as was my father.

When the morning newspapers were delivered, my father would first read the death notices, which he referred to as the Irish Sports pages. I came to understand that this is what the Irish called the obituary section. When he finished the death notices, he would read the comics page, then the sports page briefly, and scan the headlines of the rest of the paper. He also completed the crossword puzzle.  He enjoyed reading the political news in Chicago and Cicero. This came from growing up in Cicero - where every person that he knew was either a priest, a politician, or a member of, shall we say, a social club led by a natural leader, a Mr. Al Capone. You may have heard of Mr. Capone, a very popular person in Chicago.  Some would say that he was in the business of crime. It is not for me to judge. But Mr. Capone was a real flesh and blood creature. The other people in Cicero that my father knew or read about were the politicians - Irish or Italian. The remaining group were the priests, all important in that time of Chicago and Cicero life. Many of my father's Chicago friends had political jobs working for the city. The city was called the Machine. It functioned. Things ran well.

I could digress many times just from the above paragraphs, but that would take me away from the Irish Sports Pages. My father read these thoroughly and completely. He often came across someone he knew - or the relative or friend of someone he knew. Those pages were a connection of my father with his history and the history of the Irish in Chicago. As a Baptist, my mother seldom looked at the death notices, but she always read the rest of the newspaper each day. She followed politics closely, but was a lifelong Republican which balanced out my father always voting the other way.  My father would mention someone who died if he thought that my mother would be familiar with the name. They had different approaches. I was formed in my preferences more by my father than my mother.

As I got a little older, I started reading the daily Chicago papers. I always started with the comics and looked to see if the Cubs had won. When I was in college and then the seminary, I started reading the New York Times, a lifelong habit. The Times did not have comics which forced me to at least glance at other papers. Regardless of the newspaper, I always checked to see if the Cubs had won.

Today, I still read the Times - and, more often than not, read the death notices online without fail. I have lived in this area long enough that I recognize many names in the various local papers. I read them fully = and, since February, I have been reading more closely and slowly the death notice of a person who died from Covid. A steady litany of sadness - which I believe could have been avoided to a great extent if there had been someone else leading our government. It is so infuriatingly sad - and what makes me angry is when the person leading our government chooses to ignore the numbers of people who have died from Covid. A lot of these people did not have to die. I do have zero regard for someone who does not honor the dead. I have even less regard for someone who does not respect the sacrifices made by our soldiers in the armed forces.   

Over the years, many of the death notices would make me sad or melancholy. That may be the Irish way.  The intriguing thing about the Irish is that they very much consider death as part of living - life and death are joined together. The Irish are emphatic in looking at life experienced on a continuum where we express the reality of the Communion of Saints - we are connected with all those who came before us - we can help them - they can help us. We're all connected and united.  This is why the Trinity (Father is joined with the Son who is joined with the Holy Spirit, three in one) is such a popular symbol among the Irish.

Well, time to bring this to a close. I do enjoy reading the Irish Sports Pages every single day. Each person mentioned in those pages had a distinct impact on our world- and was given to us by God. Especially this past year, it has been a compelling daily exercise for me. As the Irish say with devotion, "May God be good to them." 

May they rest in peace.

Perhaps this photo will make you smile, just a little:

 

 

(Back to writing) After a lifetime and four days, I'm finally meditating! - January 8, 2021

(I took a course on meditation during the past week. Why?  Two different medical people had suggested this to me over the years. Since I already know everything, what could I possibly gain from meditation? Having been fully retired, I noticed one troubling fact. I could not calm down. I could not relax. Even with nothing on my schedule for a day, I just continued working, thinking, and trying to figure out ways to save the world. I was anything but relaxed. When nice people ask me how my retirement is working for me, I want to snap at them - and if they are kittens, to kick them down the stairs! Feel free to let me know how my prior efforts have worked in saving the world. Be kind!

So, I threw myself into a practical exploration of meditation for two days, the kinds available, how one learns, how one is trained, how this could help me. If I do say so, I am an incredible researcher and analyst - so why not use the skills to help myself? It was not cheap to get the type of instruction that I thought would be helpful - but, you know, neither is cardiac surgery).

Don't laugh at the above cartoon. It would hurt my feelings. But it does identify a characteristic of my psyche over the years. I remember a conversation that I had with a nice parishioner a few years ago. She said to me, "You seem so focused and centered. Do you meditate?" Sadly, I just burst out laughing because meditation was the last thing that I ever wanted to do. If I had only been more attentive to the information that the woman was giving me. Sigh. Well, only a few decades too late. But better late than never.

I did examine the different types and schools of meditation. Some, I recoiled from immediately. But there was one which made a great deal of sense to me. I won't share with you my choice because I believe whatever one does in this area is intensely personal. And goodness knows, I am a private person (who somehow is more at ease writing about himself in this blog rather than interacting with people one on one. I never said that I was balanced.)

I enrolled in the course. The approach that I found relied upon individual instruction, an incredible app of lectures and interactive learning for my iPhone, a huge amount of scientific literature showing objective evidence of the effectiveness of this method, and a continuous system of follow-ups valid for a lifetime. I was really impressed with the instructor, materials, and the methods. I'm one heck of a critic in evaluating things like this. But I was impressed. I wistfully wish that I had done this many years ago, but probably did not have the maturity and urgency to do so. Sigh) 

So I have embarked upon meditation as an essential part of my life and routine. Surprisingly, I like it. I already can see some benefits. I've had four days of instruction - with the possibility of additional times to learn in the future. I 'm going to insert this into my daily routine. The key is to make this a priority - and not allow other things to take precedence.  Self-care has never been easy for me. But I do intend to learn better the skill of self-care. This also means saying No far more than I ever had!

So here goes my latest adventure.

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

The Death of a Parent with Alzheimer's- December 29, 2020

My father, Russell, died 31 years ago today from Alzheimer's. He was 80 years old. He developed Alzheimer's at an older age than many - but it is quite possible that he was showing symptoms of the disease earlier than my mother and I thought. Symptoms were evident to us for about seven years before he died.Only in hindsight can you put all the pieces together of Alzheimers and know that a person has been stricken with it. It was only after he died that I fully appreciated the monumental task my mother had of taking care of him = before he had to go into a nursing home. Oh, the things that I wish I had known - and the things I would have said years earlier before he could no longer comprehend.

It is only within the past ten years that I have grown in my appreciation for my father. My father also suffered from alcoholism - at a time when we did not have the tools, knowledge or the ability to provide good therapies or approaches to understand the role of alcoholism on family dynamics that we have today. We were all kind of winging it decades ago. (I was not alcoholic, but had sufficient other things to foul me up over the years. I was also an only child who had three siblings - a cat, a Dalmatian, and a Chihuahua. I also had a fish - whose demise came to a tragic end when she was accidentally flushed down the sink. Nothing is easy! = for most people.)

Regardless of all kinds of intervening variables, I knew one continuous truth about my father's role as my father. He was always in my corner. He believed in me - always. I could count on that - and did at many different points in my life.

I thought of my father when I heard that Glen Campbell had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. His family found that he remembered many of his great songs even if he might always know their name. So they organized a farewell tour for him. I went to hear him at the Community Theater in Morristown. I am so glad I did = so many similarities to my father. Glen could still sing along with his family - and plucked the strings with his legendary skill.

As each anniversary of my father's death comes along, I find that I miss him more. He really believed in me.

God be good to him. Today I am very sad.

******************************************************************

If you, a family member, or a friend someone close to them has dementia in some form, including Alzheimer's, I highly recommend this book. It is a classic, been revised six times, and has helped millions of people. It is available at amazon.com, and any of the other sources, as well as most bookstores in the country. I've given this book to countless people and bought a copy for hundreds of people as well.

 

 

 

 

 

December 24-25, 2020 - The Story of Christmas

Read the first two chapters of Matthew's Gospel. Savor the words. Let them speak to you.

A Blessed and Peaceful Christmas to you - and our hurting world.

 

Oops = If a family dispute, conspiracy theories, or other things start to surface at Christmas dinner - Here's what to do - December 23, 2020

Family arguments are tough, especially at Christmas and Thanksgiving. I'm listing here the "food fight" from Animal House because it is one of the classic food fights on film. It also (hopefully) makes people smile. (Personal privilege: I grew up in the same town, Wheaton, Illinois, as John Belushi. Knew him slightly. He had not yet blossomed into the massive comedic talent that he became.)

 

To learn more about defusing situations, I came across some great excerpts. (Unfortunately, I could not locate the entire link for the article no matter how hard I tried.)  Here is a link to another article that could also be helpful to you: https://www.bodyandsoul.com.au/wellbeing/how-to-avoid-family-conflict-this-christmas/news-story/a36b6ee092f0c8e3d43ead0aab6339b8?nk=28aad76d17b8b9c29a64fa2ffadbca13-1608779784

1: Keep calm

While it's important to confront falsehoods, it's never useful if things end up in a flaming row.

"My number one rule would be to not spoil Christmas," says Mick West, author of Escaping the Rabbit Hole. "An angry, heated conversation will leave everyone feeling rubbish and further cement conspiracy beliefs."

Psychologist Jovan Byford, a lecturer at the Open University, notes that conspiracy theories often have a strong emotional dimension.

"They are not just about right and wrong," he says, "but underpinned by feelings of resentment, anger and indignation over how the world works."

And they've boomed this year, with many searching for grand explanations for the pandemic, American politics, and huge world events.

Medical experts say shouting increases the chance of spreading coronavirus. Yet another reason to keep things low-key.

2: Don't be dismissive

"Approach conversations with friends and family with empathy rather than ridicule," says Claire Wardle from First Draft, a not-for-profit which fights misinformation. "Listen to what they have to say with patience."

Her golden rule is: never publicly shame someone for their views. That's likely to backfire.

 

Remember that people often believe conspiracy theories because deep down, they're worried or anxious. Try to understand those feelings - particularly in a year like the one we've just had.

3: Encourage critical thinking

People who believe conspiracy theories often say: "I do my own research."

The problem is that their research tends to consist of watching fringe YouTube videos, following random people on Facebook, and cherry-picking evidence from biased Twitter accounts.

But the spirit of doubt that pervades the conspiracy-minded internet is actually a key opening for rational thought, says Jovan Byford.

"Many people who believe in conspiracy theories see themselves as healthy sceptics and self-taught researchers into complex issues," he says. "Present this as something that, in principle, you value and share.

"Your aim is not to make them less curious or sceptical, but to change what they are curious about, or sceptical of."

4: Ask questions

Fact-checking is important, but it's often not the right approach when someone passionately believes in conspiracies. Questions are much more effective than assertions, experts say.

"Focusing on the tactics and techniques used by people pushing disinformation is a more effective way of addressing these conversations than trying to debunk the information," Claire Wardle says.

5: Don't expect immediate results

You might be hoping that a constructive conversation will end with some kind of epiphany over Christmas pudding - but don't bet on it.

For those who have fallen deep down the conspiracy rabbit hole, getting out again can be a very long process.

"Be realistic about what you can achieve," psychologist Jovan Byford warns. "Conspiracy theories instil in believers a sense of superiority. It's an important generator of self-esteem - which will make them resistant to change."

For fact-checker Claire Wardle, it's not just about bruised egos. This year has been scary - and for many, conspiracy theories have been a source of comfort.

"Recognize that everyone has had their lives turned upside down, and is seeking explanations," she says.

"Conspiracy theories tend to be simple, powerful stories that explain the world. Reality is complex and messy, which is harder for our brains to process."

But the experts agree that even if you don't see immediate results - don't give up.

JTM edit: If all else fails, then ask the arguing people to please not spoil Christmas for everyone else. It helps no one to have these arguments.