Jim Mahoney's Blog - Sacred to Etc.

Why Do This? - and Welcome!

(You can find the necessary disclaimers in the Profile section of the blog.)

Over time, the nature of this blog will inevitably evolve. I'm fully retired now which means that my interests have evolved also. I have absolutely no desire to be a culture warrior. I do have a desire to help people grow in their faith and journey with Jesus along the paths, often laden with rocks, of their lives. If I find things that might be interesting for you to read from other sources, I'll include them.

My plan is to make a post to this blog at least once a week, but often more. 

I have pretty much written these posts, hundreds of them, and just left them alone to grow like wild weeds available for anyone to pick, pick up, or do other things to it.  That no longer works for me.  So I will now keep on the blog posts from the past several weeks. Each post was written at a particular point in time - and often is not meant to be a permanent place in history. We are at a particular point in time where there is much division, seemingly intractable, among and between groups.  Personally, I'm not a culture warrior. If you want a culture warrior, there are plenty of places to find them.

I am grateful to the surprisingly large number of people who have found my blog helpful to them, more than I ever expected. I write this for them and hope to continue doing so. The number of times that someone has taken great issue with something I wrote are few. But like most people, I remember the attacks more than the accolades. Something that I always have to work on.

Often, I am unconsciously writing to myself - and if someone happens to want to read it, that is good. When I preach, I find that I am somehow preaching first to myself - to listen to the message of Jesus and figure it out so the Good News of Jesus can be shared.

In glancing at what I have written over the years, I am bemused at how much more personal and forthcoming I have been in the blog than in most other areas of my life. Go figure. I'm an introvert!

God bless. 

 

 

Still Working on my Bucket List - Jeopardy is no longer on it - Sigh! - September 17, 2021

How many times am I going to be overlooked?

At least since Alex Trebek passed away, I have looked with fondness at Jeopardy. I'm fascinated by the show, tape its segments since I'm usually not able to watch it during its broadcast time and have mused about appearing on Jeopardy. At first, I was trying to find a way to appear as a contestant on the program. I thought to myself - "how difficult can this be. I don't know everything, but I know lots of stuff. It might be a way to warn some extra funds for my retirement. It seemed like a practical way to support my retirement. There was just one problem. The people who appear on Jeopardy are really smart.

My response to that self-assessment is the simple fact that, in many areas, I too am really smart. So over the past few months, I have watched Jeopardy and came up with some conclusions about my intelligence. I watch Jeopardy, answer the questions to myself, and mentally calculate on whether or not I would have won a particular segment of the show.  I begin each segment with enthusiasm. It is really fun. After a few months of this, I had to assess my dreams of being on Jeopardy. Here are my distressing conclusions! I am smart, but not in every area. There are certain categories on Jeopardy where I did not know one area. My knowledge in certain areas was limited and, shall we say, a bit spotty. I brooded about this situation and naturally tried to come up with reasons why the show may be rigged. I watched the unfortunate debacle the show was having in coming up with a proper replacement for Alex Trebik.

Then I came up with a new challenge to take up in my retirement - be a host for Jeopardy! How hard is it to read answers off a card? I could prep for the answers, could pronounce any of the tough words or languages properly, and try to appear moderately charming (I could read a pamphlet about this!)

Today, I had such a rude awakening. I learned that Jeopardy was appointing two people to be the hosts of Jeopardy through the end of this year: Ken Jennings, one of the all-time winners, and Mayim Bialik. Look at their photos at the start of this post. Don't they seem smug and self-satisfied? Bah. They came out of nowhere to now host Jeopardy. I'll concede that Jennings was one of the highest winners on Jeopardy- and Bialik was one of the "try-out" hosts who also appeared on a program about really smart people interacting with each other. I never cared for that show. My thoughtful response to their selection:  Boring.  The most obvious disqualification was the simple fact that they were not me. Sigh. I've lived with the public embarrassment of the standing of the Chicago Cubs this year in the race to the World Series. They were terrible. Now I have this latest humiliation. The only saving feature is that I have kept to myself my intense desire to be considered a host for Jeopardy.  

Do I have a right to be in so much turmoil about not being selected? My obvious conclusion is Yes. Although, I just had a distressing thought.  Does having just posted these deeply held yearnings to be on Jeopardy make me come across as a whining, self-indulgent toddler who did not get his way?

Is this me?

OK - tantrum over. Musings about being on Jeopardy are over. Those who know me best know that I can get on a rant, can carry on, and eventually, sometimes even quickly, work through things. Being on Jeopardy might have been fun. It would have been a hoot. But, let's face it - I have always wanted to be tall - and see how that is working for me.

There are times when I need a break. I need a break from dealing with some things that are just heart-braking. This post is simply a practical method I use sometimes to work past things. Sometimes it is helpful. Sometimes not. But it is helpful right now. This is why I wander in malls and other places to just clear my head - to straighten things out. More often than not, this approach works for me.  It is better than a lot of other methods and does not hurt anyone. 

No porpoises were harmed in the writing of this post, thank goodness. God help me. (And, thank you, God, for nudging me NOT to take myself so seriously)  

Here is my endpoint for this post:

 

 

 

Jesus Still Weeps - September 11, 2021

The above picture is one of my favorite pictures of Jesus. To me, Jesus still weeps - at what has gone on our world.  The evil that has has happened in our world is not in the plan of God, not in the design of God, not caused by God. But it is real nonetheless.Mountain of books and articles have tried to explain the existence of evil. Some even talk about free will. The wisest among them will at least concede that it is complicated. I will also concede that it is frustrating because I want God to protect everyone from being hurt - and this does not happen. Dp we sometimes feel as if "free will" is not always a good thing? I sometimes feel that "freedom of the press" is not always a good thing, even though I eventully come back to earth and appreciate not only this freedom but those who have died to protect all of our freedoms. The world is a complicated place. More so every single day.

9-11 is a simple historical fact, but it is among the most complicated of our hisorical truths. In the midst of all the complexity of causes, reasons, excused, exaggerations, and every other things which has been imposed unto 9-11. Even more important than the verbiage are the countless told and untold accounts of heroism, bravery, and love shown by so many twenty years ago.

Three members of our parish lost their lives on this day. At least 12 other parishioners lost siblings or close relatives. Every person knew someone or about someone who perished. The grief was shared by thousands of parishioners. 

This morning (Sept. 10 as I'm writing this), I was surprised by how quickly the news reports about the first 9-11 immediately caused me and so many others to see that was happening again right now. Other than the death of President Kennedy, this is the only historical event where everyone remembers where they were and what they were doing. People called me and mentioned the same things. 

Here are some of my lingering personal thoughts about 9-11:

I will always be skeptical of certain foreign countries, seemingly friends to the United States, regardless of what others say. These countries have co-opted some of our government and political leaders;

The existence of evil remains one of the easiest religious truths to teach. There can be no doubt of this.

9-11 reinforced for me the pride and respect that I have for members of our armed forces and first responders. I am so proud of those who fought for us in the name of our freedoms. 

I find that I need to make conscious efforts not to have days such as 9-11 simply be routine. It can happen far too easily.

I find that a day like 9-11 is a fierce reminder to always cherish my friends and those I love. Life is sacred. Life is fragile. Life can end so suddenly.

I scrupulously spend at least an hour day praying for people. I include in this time praying for people whom I just cannot stand for various reasons. Sigh.

This 9-11 is another day of sadness, reminding us of so much. Pope Benedict XVI and Pope Francis prayed this prayer at Ground Zero. Pray it today - it joins you with all people of good will:

O God of love, compassion, and healing,
look on us, people of many different faiths
and traditions,
who gather today at this site,
the scene of incredible violence and pain.
We ask you in your goodness
to give eternal light and peace
to all who died here—

the heroic first-responders:
our fire fighters, police officers,
emergency service workers, and
Port Authority personnel,
along with all the innocent men and women
who were victims of this tragedy
simply because their work or service
brought them here on September 11, 2001.

We ask you, in your compassion
to bring healing to those
who, because of their presence here that day,
suffer from injuries and illness.
Heal, too, the pain of still-grieving families
and all who lost loved ones in this tragedy.
Give them strength to continue their lives
with courage and hope.

We are mindful as well
of those who suffered death, injury, and loss
on the same day at the Pentagon and in
Shanksville, Pennsylvania.
Our hearts are one with theirs
as our prayer embraces their pain and suffering.

God of peace, bring your peace to our violent world:
peace in the hearts of all men and women
and peace among the nations of the earth.
Turn to your way of love
those whose hearts and minds
are consumed with hatred.

God of understanding,
overwhelmed by the magnitude of this tragedy,
we seek your light and guidance
as we confront such terrible events.
Grant that those whose lives were spared
may live so that the lives lost here
may not have been lost in vain.
Comfort and console us,
strengthen us in hope,
and give us the wisdom and courage
to work tirelessly for a world
where true peace and love reign
among nations and in the hearts of all.

May God have mercy on these good souls.

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

Are We the Lucky Ones? Chosen Ones? - September 3, 2021

 

With so many awful things happening in our world, I have been reflecting on the difference between Fate and Luck. For example, given the overwhelming research available on how children learn and develop, it is no secret that children in homes with access to books, computers, etc., will do better in school. It is a simple fact. If you live in an area with a higher standard of health care, you will be healthier. It is that simple. You can go on and on and on. Did God decide that we live in such areas are indeed blessed more by God? I don't think so. I just shuddered seeing the suffering of people in Afghanistan, the areas ravaged by overflowing streams, areas hit by tornados - did God favor them or punish them based upon his plan? I don't think so. 

Seeing the poverty in Afghanistan made me reflect on how fortunate I am. Did I earn this comfortable live in southern Morris County? Hardly. But I am grateful.

DId God want to punish people by sending them floods?  Ad nauseum. You get my point.

What to do with these truths?

IN these overwhelming times of devastation, I'm driven to look at how I have been grateful to God?   In the pace of life, it is regretably unfortunate when I have not show enough gratitude. I hate it when other people take me for granted - but I'm afraid that I sometimes do the same thing. While waiting to see if electricity would last through the night and whether the outposts of the Passaic River would overflow and inconvenience my life (horrors!), I laughed at myself and then thought about the things that I take for granted. I quickly decided to become more disciplined about gratitude. I must.

I may be lucky when a tornado decides to go somewhere else. but it is hardly the will of God to send the tornado crashing into buildings and homes. There is a randomness in life that is serendipitous - and out of our control.

What is under our control is the ability to be grateful - to thank God for blessings received - to thank people who have been kind to us - and to more thoughtfully remember not to take people for granted who have been good to us.  

These are not the most profound thoughts - but I believe they are necessary things to remember each day - so I must follow this. 

There are clear benefits to gratitude. I came across this list:

1. Gratitude opens the door to more relationships.
2. Gratitude improves physical health.
3. Gratitude improves psychological health.
4. Gratitude enhances empathy and reduces aggression.
5. Grateful people sleep better.
6. Gratitude improves self-esteem.
7. Gratitude increases mental strength

With so many proven benefits to gratitude, then why don't I express more gratitude, especially to God? Guess that I'm not as smart as I thought! Sigh. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Do you think I could be elected pope in the next papal conclave? Am I a long-shot? - September 27, 2021

(This post is simply an exercise in musing. It means no disrespect to the Holy Spirit. It does not take on political positions. It is just lighthearted speculation. I have been dealing with very serious things lately - and I'm supposed to be fully retired! These things can really get you down. All sort of things that would not be appropriate to mention in this post. So, I just wanted to relax from the very serious things - and speculate on my chances of being elected the next pope.  Haven't you mused about what you would do if you were pope? I know that I have. In my musings, I'm not going to say what I might do as pope.)

WIth some sense of melancholy, I would realistically observe that I am probably not a front-runner in the next papal conclave. But, this is simply because I have not been marketing my name, or brand. I realize that I need a concise, easily remembered slogan. Thus far, the only slogan I can come up with is this concise presentation of my platform: A vote for Jim is a vote for your golden retriever. Catchy? I think so. If you come up with someone who is against such a slogan, then I don't want their support. 

I wonder whether I need to disclose some of the things I would do if I'm elected pope. Probably - so here is just handful of the great things that I can do to help the Church. Snoopy could provide spiritual insights to all the faithful.

Popes wear all kind of fancy clothes, including hats. In fact, if you are not wearing a special hat, how could you be pope? I would want to see how my closest advisers would look in special hats:

Who would not listen to the insights of this trusted advisor?

I am starting to get the feeling that this post will be a lot harder to write than I had planned. Could these controversial thoughts and well-constructed arguments cause rioting in the streets? Well, you never know. There are a lot of crazy people running around. 

How do I present a policy based on Jesus' words about children - unless you become like a little child, you shall not enter the kingdom of heaven. Hmm.

Could this be what Jesus meant:

Oops, darn it, darn it, I'm starting to have trouble with my computer using images. My quandary is choosing between two sorts of actions:  Making myself more stressed so that I can complete the idea I had for this post - even it will dramatically raise my stress level?  OR Ending my work now on this post - and being willing to concede that my computer skills are not what I imagined - and clearly another thing I need to add to my bucket list for retirement topics.

I'm waving the white flag right now. This week has been really hard. I wanted to have a little lighthearted approach this week. It was not to be. So I declare this particular post - "an  unfinished project." What the heck!  Schubert wrote his "Unfinished Symphony" and it did not cause the stars to drop from the sky. So Jim's post can be just a declaration that he's not perfect.  This also means that this perfectionist is getting a little more comfortable with being imperfect. It is a little peaceful reaching this conclusion - and I would like some of that peace that they preach about. 

WIth my West of Ireland cry: Sigh. 

 

 

 

  

 

 

Can't get forgiveness out of my mind! Sigh! August 19, 2021

 

Lately, I have been consumed with the topic of forgiveness. I have been consumed with those who have hurt others, hurt things important to me, who go on their merry little way - leaving wreckage behind them. I have found it very difficult to just blow things off - to move on.  I suspect many people, I know many people have struggled with forgiveness.  This may be the reason why Jesus mentions it so often. This may be why so many things have been written about it. 

We've heard the phrase, "still water runs deep."  Well, newsflash, I'm still water. Always have been. 

Lately, it seems i'm tripping over  a lot of still water. It is frustrating, but possibliy a sign of wisdom, not to say to others the things on my mind. Interwoven with these thoughts is the lingering problem of forgiveness. My mind is constantlyi going - trying to figure things out, trying to make things make sense, trying to find light at the end of the tunnel. I'm not being melodramatic or self-centered. I recognize that so many people struggle with these things. I am fortunate to have some ways that I can share my thoughts. 

The above photo gives one of the perspectives on meditation. When you meditate, you gradually are seeking a reality of settling, of not being overwhelmed by the noise, and finding peace. 

I certainly feel that, since I've retired, I generally have somewhat more peace and less stressthan I lived with for decades.  Some things in my world have shattered, for now, these feelings of more peace and less stress. 

I come face to face with the requirement of forgiveness if I'm going to have lasting peace.  Go back to the quote at the beginning of this post. This is really the key: "Forgiveness prevents their behavior from destroying your heart." This continues to be one of the most compelling reasons for forgiveness.  

This approach simply presents self-interest.  This is not bad. Self-interest is not wrong. If it gets us closer to Jesus' words on forgiveness, then it can be helpful. 

I'll be darned if I'm going to allow some **%%#@@!!** individuals to push me away from God's love and God's ways.  Possiblly a more satisfying approach is to scream and shout and hurl epithets and carefully constructed expressions of anger and outrage.  I have to reach a calming point where I realize that some people do not deserve the satisfaction of wrecking my inner peace. Let them shout and scream and thinking about kicking little kittens down the stairs. (by the way, this is rhetorical, I'm not going to hurt a kitten - ever!!!!)

I don't want the bad folks to win. I want goodness to win. In my life, that means so much more than all this other stuff.

Pray for me that I can get back on the right path. I'll pray for everyone of you who is strugging with these things as well.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Uh Oh - What if Jesus was serious about forgiveness! - August 13, 2021

 

(Confession: I started to write this post when I was really angry. Some things have gone on in my world that are just unconscionable. I wrote some strong sentences in my first draft that showed my literary skills, but very little compassion that Jesus asks me to show. Through my practice of meditation, I came down from my soapbox. I relaxed a little. I tried to become centered on Jesus' words of forgiveness. Did I do it perfectly? Nah. But certainly better than when I started writing this post. I'm still angry, but also filled with an awareness of peace that I desperately want to receive from God. Frankly, the people who made me angry do not merit the attention of adding to my stress. To heck with them. I hope they clean up the mess they made. But, I will also pray and ask God to help them. Sigh. End of confession)

Do you have a problem with forgiveness in your life?  Do you find it hard to forgive? Do you sometimes say, "Well, of course, I forgive, but I will never forget?"

I believe that genuine forgiveness is one of the clearest things that Jesus said. It is also one of the hardest things to do. I can come up with all kinds of self-serving reasons why I may not have forgiven someone who really tried to do me in.

In looking back at my life, there were some people who over the decades really were despicable to me. (Imagine = and I'm such a nice person. What could these people possibly have been thinking? I can go back and forth about forgiveness. I can make excuses why I haven't forgiven. (some of these excuses are quite convincing - at least to me!) Despite the intellectual gyrations that I go through, I finally end up with the message of Jesus to forgive. I cannot nuance it away. I cannot pretend that Jesus did not mean it. It is right in front of me - without qualification. 

I am great at holding onto things, especially thinking about those who did me in. I can come up with reasons why God could not possibly love them. I end up with the words of Jesus once again - Forgive.

Once in a while, I remember that forgiving others is actually in our supreme self-interest. This is not a bad reason to forgive. Jesus is clear that failing to forgive can keep us from heaven. I don't know about you. But not one of those people that tried to do me in is worth not getting into heaven.

Here is the ultimate self-interest quote:

For various reasons, I have been in a lot of high stress situations lately. I don't like this. I know precisely who are the people to blame for my anger. Situations can be complicated, but they cannot be ignored.

When people have been hurt by others, the ones who did the hurting have an obligation to repair the hurt that they have caused. The ones who were hurt have to try ever so slowly, so gently, so steadily, try to forgive.

None of this is easy. Jesus never said it was easy. But it has to be done. He was not kidding!

Sometimes, we find it hard to continue to be with someone who hurt us. Here is one observation that troubles me, but it may offer a way past a tough situation:

I'm not certain about this quote, but sometimes, the hurts are so painful that separation might be helpful. But sometimes, the grace of God can give us the strength to forgive and go on - and embrace the other person through forgiveness. There are no easy answers, but well worth thinking about.

I just know that we have to forgive. If we don't forgive, we are hurting ourselves - and that is not a very intelligent thing to do to ourselves.

If you're stuck on forgiveness, then  pray what I have come to see is the prayer of last resort concerning forgiveness. Here is the grudging prayer of forgiveness you can say, and I think it is valid:

"Lord, if you have it in mind to help this (fill in nasty word or two), then I won't object."  If this is all you can say, pray it. It shows God that you're on the right direction.

Forgive. Be free. Let God pull you through. We are not asked to go on this path all by ourselves. Don't do it alone. Do it with God - and slowly, over time, you will become free. It is worth it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Encountered any really nasty people lately? August 6, 2021

 

There are various ways to proceed through life. Even Santa gets in on the act - when a song allegedly written by Santa asks if "we've been bad or good so be good for goodness sakes." Bad or good, naughty or nice - these pairs of words can make us smile, but they also apply to real life. And it goes way beyond Santa Claus.  Lest you wonder, I really like Santa - so, if you see him, please pass this along.

Where the heck did this subject for a post come from?  I was in a meeting recently with a person who is in one of the helping professions.  The nature of his life is that he talks with many different people each day. He has done this for decades. At one point in the meeting, he spoke privately about something which was bothering him. He asked if I thought the people that I see are  different than they used to be. I was going to respond No until I stopped and really thought about what he asked. Then I said, "Yes. I have personally come across more nasty people in the last two years than in all my years of being a priest."

I went on to elaborate.  Usually, the people you come across in Church ministry are nice people. There are always a few who are not, but most are nice. This person shared experiences over the past year. He happens to be one of the nicest people I know - and some people treat him like dirt.  I think I'm a nice person, but I still get assailed by people (perhaps they're nice people, but they become "not nice" when they are in front of a keyboard, I don't know.) In my 48 years of being a priest, I only recall 4 people (2 from the parish and 2 concerning the diocese) who ripped me apart face to face rather than through a letter, etc.

But in the last two years, the number of really awful emails and letters has increased dramatically. I have had the kinds of jobs where people have made me the designated recipient of the most awful things they could say when they have problems with the church or church leaders. The last one I received was three weeks ago. The level of anger, vitriol, especially about a situation that I did not cause, usually would have sent my blood pressure skyrocketing. Thanks to my practice of meditation over the last few months, I can keep the blood pressure somewhat lower than in the past. I am profoundly grateful for that. I do not have the strength of character to simply think "well, they are having a bad day." I'm not there yet, but I do hope to be.

I at least think through these situations in ways that I did not do in the past. I instinctively think that this person is really a (insert unsavory word) and that Jesus does not like them. Through the benefits of meditation, I obsess about these things much much less than I ever did in the past.  

I think about the really nasty people. I am fortunate to work in a vocation/job/ environment where I generally encounter mostly nice people. A few have slipped through my impenetrable walls lately, I must admit. God will get them (I calmly pray!). To use my "toddler" vocabulary, some people are just mean. I do pray for them - and more often than not, it is a genuine prayer =asking God to help them. Once in a while, it is still genuine but I would not object if God was too busy helping others to help this person. (I'm human.)

I used to think that, as a priest, I had to simply take whatever might be thrown at me.  I don't believe that any more. Period. End of Sentence. Isn't life complicated?

I do hope that, overall, I live with integrity and Santa will be good to me.  I have been so blessed with extraordinary friends - who keep me going - who gently help me not take myself so seriously- and who are exuberantly nice people.

In the end, at least in our world on this side of the Kingdom of God, we end up with Santa  - just as we began. I hope Santa knows that I've tried really hard to be nice!

As I read the above before hitting "SAVE" - I am baffled how this became about Santa. Must be a reason for this.

 

Making Decisions - Moral Courage - July 29, 2021

It is impossible to capture in just a few words and especially in one or two pictures the emotions and the moral qualities being displayed in the Summer Olympics. The experience of Simone Biles at the Olympics left no one without an opinion. I can't imagine the strength it took for Simone to withdraw from the games - and, in essence, telling the world that taking care of herself was more important than remaining in the competition. It is hard to find anyone who does not have an opinion about her action. Most people who were really into the Olympics seemed to just gasp - and that gasp contained a lot of words. Here are mine as an onlooker:

I was astounded at her incredible courage in making this decision. Not being someone who understood the intricacies of gymnastics, and only enjoyed watching gymnastics - only thinking about the final product and seldom thinking about everything that goes into producing that final moment of performance. I never thought about how dangerous gymnastics actually might be - especially when done at an international level. I thought about the single-minded focus she gave to her preparations for the Olympic games. She spent decades in becoming the best in the world. Then, she decided to make a choice in behalf of her health - and her very survival.

Hearing of her decision, I went right to one of my favorite passages from a speech that Senator Robert Kennedy had given which always stayed with me:

Simone understood there was something more worthy of pursuing than even the Olympic gold. She had the moral courage, when the whole world was watching, of setting aside her dreams and simply doing what was right for her- to save her life. The world gasped - and, as time went on, more and more people understood the wisdom of her decision. (Of course, there were some who disagreed with her decision. That happens with everything today. Some even ridiculed her - and made fun of her. That happens with everything today.) I don't know her. I have never met her. But I was sure proud to have someone like that representing our country at the Olympics. Sure, the Olympics are just a game - but so many important things are integrated into the Olympics experience.

This post comes down to a very important moral point - a point to discuss with children, family, and friends - a point that is worth considering - namely, doing the right thing. This is what Jesus asks of us. This is what we need to ask ourselves: what is the right thing to do?  Sometimes, it is really hard to figure out. Sometimes, it is a torturous process. I've faced some terribly difficult decisions, thankfully not under the unforgiving glare of the Olympics, but important in my own little world. I was wiped out in going through the process of trying to figure out the right thing to do. DId I do the right thing? I think so. I hope so. Would I make the same decision again?  I think so. I hope so.

This seems a wise way to approach tough decisions:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Summer Olympics 2021 - Do Dreams Still Come True? - July 22, 2021

Will the Summer Olympics really be held? What will happen to the dreams of the athletes? Sigh.

Every single day, there are more obstacles that come up for the Summer Olympic Games. To actually make any Olympics happen takes an incredible amount of brains, luck, and just single-minded almost fanatical devotion to results. How would I feel if I were an athlete at those games?  Well, truly, I'm not worrying to compete. I have enough challenges in my life to need to add the pressure of Olympic competition. Hmm, come to think of it - athletic competition has seldom taken up much of my life.  All right, it has taken up almost nothing of my life. But I am a sucker for the underdog. I am a sucker for those who face heartbreak well out of their control. I do have a fascination for those who are the best at what they do. I cannot imagine devoting years to competition for the Olympics and have to face the serendipitous nature of an attack by the Covid virus. 

I remember some decades ago going to a place in Morristown to watch the Olympic torch being carried through the town.  It was exciting. Everyone lined the streets. We all cheered. The torch helped to bring us together as fans cheering for our United States athletes - so many people who wanted their dreams to come true.

Going back even more decades to the 1980 Winter Olympic games at Lake Placid. . Who could forget the cries of our country's cheering our ice hockey team. I might never be on that team, but I would cheer USA USA USA.  Years after that I was walking around the place at Mount Placid where the ice rink had been used for the games. It was so easy to quickly imagine and hear the shouts of the crowds "USA USA USA."  It was almost, but not quite, like actually being present for the games.

The news is filled of heartbreaking stories of athletes testing positive for COVID and not allowed to compete. No spectators will be allowed to be present for the games. Surely, the cries of the crowd help to energize the athletes - well, not this year. So sad.

In case you are not up to speed on important historical figures, here is Jiminy Cricket speaking with Pinocchio:

While I was musing about the problems being encountered this week at the Olympic games, I started thinking about the Disney song, "When you Wish upon a Star" first sung in the 1940 production of Pinocchio. As you no doubt remember, this song was sung in the film by Jiminy Cricket. (editor's note: please note that this is a highly researched post in my blog!) Here is the final verse as sung by Mr. Cricket:

"Like a bolt out of the blue,
Fate steps in and sees you through...
When you wish upon a star,
Your dreams... come... true!"

Our Olympic athletes probably had dreams expressed in those lyrics. Who could not? 

These various events make me think about my dreams, my hopes for my life - and perhaps you have these types of dreams as well. 

I look at the dreams I had. On the not totally realistic side, I always wanted to be tall. I finally have given up (just last week!) on that as a goal - particularly in light of the anatomical research indicating that we actually shrink as we get older! But, as I remember various dreams that I had and try to locate them in time, I see that my dreams became simpler, far less complicated, and, lately, much simpler.

I believe that God wants each of us to be happy - not more complicated. That is my dream = from the vagaries and complexities of today, I just want to emerge happy. Perhaps it is a function of age, or more time spent on spiritual things, but I hope to be quite happy just being happy. I am not there yet. This is my dream. I arguably will not compete in the Olympics, but will compete, ever so gently, in just dreaming and trying to be focused about being happy. I am fine with this. I also pray for the Olympic athletes - may they find happiness in their highly complicated goals of being Olympic champions. May all at the games remain safe.

To end this unplanned Disney montage: I also do not want to grow up.

  

 

 

 

 

Are we in the New Normal? - July 15, 2012

 

The word "normal" gets used a lot, probably more so than quite some time. In the last 15 months, people often mention, usually with fondness, a return to normal. We yearn and pine for the good old days. (note: This is the first time I believe that I have used the phrase "yearn and pine" - don't know why, but it seemed appropriate.) The "good old days" can be a wistful hope about change - too much change, it seems. Why can't things stay the same? (They can't - because if things stayed the same, the Chicago Cubs would remain in 4th place - an unacceptable location.)

I am willing to opt for a "new normal" if it means an increase of peace and predictability. That sounds nice. When I personally feel peaceful, it is a great feeling - realizing that, for far too many decades, I have lived with stress and tension. I don't like it. 

(Spoiler alert: this paragraph is the important part of this post!) While I want things to remain the same, I'm really saying that I want the things I like to remain the same. There is a whole host of things I would want to change. In the midst of speaking about normal, I would like certain things to become normal for everyone (this is if I ruled the world!) I would want good science to be respected and followed. I would want public leaders who make things up to be publicly called out. I would want the virtue of Kindness to be among the most sought-after virtues that people seek. I would want church leaders to see that one of their most important tasks is to bring people closer to God. I would want church leaders to be known for their mercy - and showing Jesus clearly in what they say and do. I would ask arrogant leaders and preachers to go away because they make me tense. I would want all church leaders to be unabashedly pro-life - every stage, every age, every social condition, and include every type of person there is. To exclude any group just seems wrong. To do less is simply not pro-life (in my modest humble opinion). Even though the issues can become real complicated real quickly, I would hope that those who are against COVID vaccinations for children would take a look at the possibility that they could be placing their children in danger of serious disease and possibly death. Look at the data. Follow good science - not the science of politicians or ideologues.  As I look over this collection of thoughts, I realize I could just go on and on with this list. So my "new normal" will be a long list - and probably so is your list. One thing I would hope that each person would do is have an intrinsic respect for the people who take other positions. 

We may never have had this type of "normal", but it is worth seeking.

Some of the steps we must take must be taken tentatively - with gentle respect for others.  Take the example of this scientist. He's not condemning anyone, but gently inviting and inquiring. Not a bad approach.

 

Normal is really complicated. So is life. So are relationships. This is why I will always have more than enough to do every day. One thing I know about retirement is this: I'll never be bored - and that is not  a bad thing. But it would be nice just once in a while.

Being DIsappointed - July 8, 2021

 

 

Disappointments are a crazy thing to handle. We can be disappointed by friends, by non-friends, circumstances, our own faults, and even by what we expect from God. We can be disappointed by a judgment we made about the abilities of someone - and discovered that we were wrong. I'm not wild about being wrong. I'm not wild about being disappointed. I was thinking about this over the past year when events showed that I had made a wrong judgment about someone - qualities I believed they had - a conviction that we had shared values - and a whole plethora of other things.

Here is a gathering or different meanings of disappointment - all can apply:

 

I tend to be fiercely loyal. The downside is that being fiercely loyal can lead to great disappointments. I have worked in a few different jobs where I had to make decisions about many people. In hindsight, my batting average on people's ability was rather good, but not perfect. It really upsets me when I made a wrong judgment about a person. I was never comforted by the inane accurate phrase that no one is perfect. That might be true, but what about the damage that might have been done.  I have tried, when possible, to mitigate any damage that might have come from a wrong decision. Sometimes, it is not an easy thing to rectify. Over time, I did try to look realistically - and certainly some decisions made are judgment calls - no perfect solution. Because I am a worrier and brooder, I would often blame myself if it appeared that a decision was wrong. That's just me, but given my sense of justice, I would always try to change the situation going into the future - sometimes successful, sometimes not. I would often keep repeating to myself the organizational maxim - there are no perfect solutions to practical problems. That might be true, but it never brought me piece of mind.

The causes for disappointment do concern me. The wisdom in the photo below is always something worthwhile to think about.

 

 

Making decisions is a part of life that most people face. It hurts when I have been wrong. I don't take some moments lightly, but always resolve to improve my skills, work on my judgment, and do better the next time confronted with such a situation. This might be a reason why I have spent so much time in my life on self-improvement methods. As one observant wise 0friend said to me about the efforts I made in so many areas for self-improvement, "you should see if you can get a refund on some of those things."

We are each accountable to God for many of the decisions which we have made. This is why I am truly comforted (even for a little while) by this maxim about saints: "saints are sinners who keep trying." So I clearly am a sinner! Want to make something of it?

 

Can/Should I become a lawyer? - July 2, 2012

There are so many important news events crying out for attention this week: the horrendous building collapse in Miami, the Supreme Court decision on voting rights, the inept handling of the electoral debacle in New York, the inept handling of issues involving bishops and politicians, and so many other things. One of the unintended consequences for me in retiring is that I often have the change to stay totally current on the news. I am a news junkie. I read an array of publications - grimace at a few, laugh at some others, but am engrossed by many things taking place in the news.

Where is this going? Simple, one of the careers that I always considered as an option, even now, is to become a lawyer, preferably a trial lawyer. At one point decades ago, I did a serious search of ways in which I could obtain a law degree. I talked on the phone with staff at a few law schools- and never came up with a good school that would award me a law degree without attending class. (I just did not have the time for class, but found no one sympathetic to my difficulty. I would still remain active in my sacred line of work, but this could be an exciting supplement.)

Why the law? I was always fascinated by legal arguments, by the way that law could be used to decide cases, by ways one could be ingenious in the application of law - and use the law to make a difference for good. There were no lawyers in my family. I was fortunate to work closely with a lawyer during my years working for the diocese - a personal of integrity, energy, and intelligence. I came across many lawyers that I respected highly such as our parish attorney. So many other wonderful lawyers were worthy of great respect.

Lest it seem that I am suddenly proposing all lawyers for canonization, I also met some that I believe belonged in hell. This one lawyer was "candid" enough to say to me in my office that he would hurt me and the diocese. This was not a matter of differing opinions. He represented his client by doing all he could to destroy the person he was suing. Facts meant nothing to him. Being involved in that particular case really hurt my health. From that time, I lacked the ability for a few years of getting to sleep at night. This took a great toll on my health. You might conclude that I did not like him or his client. You might possibly be accurate. I also learned during those years that you could say pretty much anything in a lawsuit and do so without penalty or limitation. Bah.

This week caused me to think again of my long-discarded goal of practicing law. I mused to myself that, since I'm retired, why not do it now? I keep adding things to my bucket list for my retirement, rearrange other items, and keep considering what additional things i might like to do.

Being a lawyer kept coming up, but finally, a few hours ago, I did come to my senses - for now. I could help people in need. Perhaps assist the Supreme Court. Maybe not. So I won't keep seeking a benevolent law school - but I'm disappointed that I can't make it happen. It would have been fun. I'll work first on some other things on my bucket list. Then I might place myself on the mercy of the court!

I am gradually becoming a more "tuned in" person through the daily practice of transcendental meditation. Sometime, I'll write about the spiritual and many other benefits I have received from TM. Would recommend it to anyone (except the lawyer and client who was out to really destroy me.)

Who am I to argue with Snoopy and Charlie Brown?

 

 

 

Can we have integrity and accuracy in the surveys we use - in religion and politics? June 25, 2021

Reminder: This is a personal blog - and does not represent anyone's thoughts other than my own. Sometimes, I'm working through my own thinking. Sometimes, I'm trying to figure things out. Sometimes, I'm just plain having fun. Sometimes, I'm just being impish. Sometimes, I'm really ticked. Sometimes, I'm on a soapbox. Sometimes I'm really frustrated. This blog could have little pieces of each of these things. I realized that I had left out a very important point - so I just added it below.

(I am not weighing in on the present contretemps between the Vatican and the US Bishops' conference regarding politicians and receiving Communion other than to make this little point: WIthout much thought or effort at all, suddenly this issue became a political issue fueled by the bishops' conference rather than a national time of greater appreciation for the Eucharist.)

This is an unsettling time in the Church. The national bishops' conference is certainly not playing well with the Vatican. The majority of the bishops in the conference see no need to follow the guidance of the Vatican and the pope. Some surveys being used by certain groups in these matters seem, in my thoughtful judgment, to have been designed by the rather happy amateur sociologist in the above photo - just my hunch.

I am keenly interested in high quality sociological analysis. Political campaigns use and distort findings to prove their points. Some politicians manipulate data to correspond with their own thinking. Some of those who present results of surveys save themselves the time and just print what they want. The same thing can happen when church people use research. Some of the surveys that have been released recently about attitudes and issues on the Eucharist violate some basics of good sociology. Shame on them. It's a strange world. I really don't know why the fellow in the photo is so happy. Maybe he just got paid for his latest survey. Hopefully he did not receive more salary than a bunch of bananas.

Do you get the feeling that this blog is a little scatter-shot? I am careening from topic to topic - but with one overriding point: our Church will benefit when good valid research is used. Our society and political campaigns will benefit when good valid research is used. Until that point, decisions will continue to be made with misleading data.

When I came across this photo earlier today, it made me laugh, but also started me thinking. Why can't we insist that Church people present clear results of surveys with carefully written questions? Why do we tolerate political leaders who just make up things and present them as data? 

Until that time, these people may be given more and more bananas for their "work." This does not seem right.

Is there a spiritual point to this blog?  Actually, yes.  I believe that each of us is placed here on this earth by God to do and to be the very best we can be. Just look at the lines above dealing with religion and surveys. The religious point is not that some things put out in the name of Church leaders are really not that good. Mediocrity about things dealing with our service to God's people really tick me off. If what we do is about God  - if what we do is meant to give people a reason to belong to the Church - and, yes, a reason to come back - to keep coming back - then don't we owe our people more than mediocre misleading surveys? That is insulting to our people and nor worthy of our respect before God. 

I work very hard on my homilies. Once in a while, I coast - and don't put everything I have in them - and I don't feel good about it. The people deserve better than this. God deserves better than this. I have to see Church people get away with giving their people a "work product" that is much less than our best. We don't need to be intellectual pygmies. We need to work like heck to do out best and give our best to our people. If we don't, then get in another line of work.

When I was in grade school in Illinois, we had a priest in one of the parishes who used to go berserk about some priests whom he called "intellectual pygmies." Never knew what he was talking about until I had been a priest for a few years. Simply put, he was impatient with priests who did not give their ministry (God) everything they had. I don't think this is arrogance, but I really have little use for priests who don't give their very best to their preaching and to their care of their parish - priests who are not relentless in coming up with best possible ways to serve their people - to preach their homilies.

Having said all this and stood on several soapboxes just in this blog, may I add something more important than everything I wrote above? We have some priests who may not work as hard as they can at the tasks of ministry, but they do work hard at being kind. I get the most upset at priests who are not relentlessly kind. That counts more than everything else. I have encountered some priests who people think are incredibly talented, but deep down they are not kind.  I'll take kindness any day of the work.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The World Is Still Here after the US and Russia talked together - June 16, 2021

Are you old enough to remember fallout shelters? Drills conducted in all schools in case of a nuclear attack?  And a whole host of other ways in which we tried to prepare for an atomic attack on our nation. I was thinking about this a lot during the past few days as I was glued to the TV with the various meetings of world wide leaders in Europe which culminated in the conversation between the U.S. President and the Russian President. I remember being told a certain way to sit so that the school desks could protect us from the atomic blast (waste of time, in hindsight, but it was the thought that counted!). All schools and other buildings had to have certain airtight supplies of food - and sometimes supplies of water, etc. My hunch is that none of the supplies have water and food that is proper to drink or eat today. It is a different world, right now - thank goodness.But these were real concerns during the 1960's, serious concerns. 

Since the conversations ended a little while ago, I was glad to see that most of the politicians made low-key statements. A few ignored the axiom that any criticism of a president should stop be our country's border - a wise guide for behavior, it seems to me.

In the midst of these meetings of world leaders, it coincided with an apparent fact that we seem to be getting a little back to normal. I hope so. For many reasons, this has been a very wearying 14 or so months. Our country had over 600,000 people die from COVID - and probably a smaller number will still perish before things get really back to normal.

Why go through this brief recital of headlines? Just a reminder, first to myself, then to all the readers - to not stop praying for peace. We have been through so much. Who thought that we would end up at this point of greater normalcy. It seemed like things would never move towards normal. All you and I can probably do is two things: first, keep things as normal and as simple as possible and as kind as possible with each other; Second, pray hard for unity, especially with those we disagree - and refuse to demonize those who think differently than we do.  These are small things - but hopefully enough people will find this a good way to live.

Did You Vote in the primary June 8? Proud of you. Did you not vote? A gentle grrr. June 11, 2021

I have always felt that casting a ballot is of the greatest privileges we have in our democracy. You may correctly deduce that I also grimace when I see various individuals and political groups that seem to be working hard to limit voting of certain groups as much as possible. I just do not understand this in our country, in our democracy. I'll move on since that is not the precise topic of this post.

The issue is voting - voting when you are qualified and certified to do so in a particular election. There have been times since I turned 18 when I simply forgot to vote. It was never intentional. A small confession this past Tuesday, our Primary voting day. I was going through some mental calisthenics on Monday night about voting. I did not make preparations to vote by early ballots through the mails, so it had to be in person. Before I retired from the parish, the place where I voted was about 50 yards from my office - a smidgen convenient - so I was also aware of an election and think that I always voted. Monday night, I was thinking about not voting in this primary. I had some reasons, frankly, none of them significant. It would be only the 2nd time I had voted in the town where I now live in retirement. Went to sleep Monday night with this as an unresolved issue.

Woke up at 5 which seems to be my custom. I went to view the actual ballot on the internet. Read over the names of the candidates  - and only discovered one candidate that I knew something about. That was fine since I had always liked this person's service in the region.  Arrived at the polling place 15 minutes after it opened.  Not many people around. Asked the poll worker if I would receive a sticker for voting. She said Yes - would you like to take it now? I replied, "Yes, please."  (I may be wrong sometimes, but seldom am impolite.)

Went into the voting booth. Pressed the buttons quickly and completed the process.  At the end, I laughed at myself. How could I have thought about not voting for even one second when it means so much to me to cast a ballot.   We are a strange and fickle people! I strode out smiling to my car, complete with my Voted sticker,  and headed home.

As I drove home, my thoughts went back to this recent phenomenon of people trying to block others from voting. I thought about the countries where people line up for miles so that they can cast a vote.  Even in parts of our country where all sorts of obstacles are placed in the way of qualified persons being able to vote, the sacrifices people make and the lessons in civics they show all of us are profoundly moving.  If we don't support our democracy, then did so many people die in vain? I hope not. We must remember the sacrifices so many made for us so that we might vote and fly our flag.

These seem to be troubled times. Sigh.

The late Dr. Billy Graham's thoughts on not voting:

 

 

 

 

Feast of Corpus Christi - The Real Presence is Real - June 4, 2021

(Preface: This is the first of a series of blogs I want to do about the Eucharist - they will be snippets, not major treatises in theology.)

One of the fun things about writing a blog is picking the topic.  You might not think that picking a topic is without risk. But you would be wrong!. Amazing the things that you can overlook which are important.  I had two options for the topic of this blog:  The Feast of Corpus Christi (which is observed this Sunday) OR National Donut Day. I have thrown caution to the wind and decided to ignore National Donut Day. I do thank God that I never developed a strong attachment to Krispy Kreme. I would weigh over 500 pounds. Choosing the Real Presence is but an important acknowledgement that I have celebrated Mass at a parish named after the Eucharist for 48 years.

Now on to the Eucharist and the Real Presence.

My views on speaking about the Eucharist and the way to present it came from a priest professor,my spiritual director, and finally a great friend. In fact, he spoke directly to the then Bishop of Paterson, Bishop Casey, to recommend that he accept me as a priest and why.  He always emphasized the need to speak and write clearly and as simply as possible. To actually do so is a great gift - one which I try to display - and sometimes fail spectacularly! Often, but not always, I will look at the written text for a homily or article - and with dogged determination, I do what my friend suggested. Rip apart my draft to make it simpler and clearer. I confess that I do not do this for every homily or article, even though I should.

Here is the practical problem. The Catechism of the Catholic Church contains this passage in its glossary about Eucharist: "The ritual, sacramental action of thanksgiving to God which constitutes the principal Christian liturgical celebration of and communion in the paschal mystery of Christ. The liturgical action called the Eucharist is also traditionally known as the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. It is one of the seven sacraments of the Church; the Holy Eucharist completes Christian initiation. The Sunday celebration of the Eucharist is at the heart of the Church's life."

Do you see the problem? Some of the phrases are helpful to the typical reader. Some are not. Imagine if the writing committee had used my friend's principles for clear and easily understood writing.

The theologian Gabriel Moran wrote this sentence which easily sums up the Eucharist:  "The Eucharist is the Church at her best." You can do a lot in developing this thought.

How to present the "Real Presence" which can be more easily said than done? Over the years, a few authors tried it this way which I have found helpful:  Jesus took bread and wine and identified himself completely with them.  Sure, more development is needed to have a fuller understanding - but this does present the core of the teaching on the Real Presence.

To present some of the major truths we believe about the Eucharist: 

This is the Body and Blood of Christ.  The bread and wine, once consecrated at Mass, remains the Body and Blood of Christ. It does not stop being the Body of Christ. This is the reason why the Eucharist is treated with respect, with reverence during Mass and also after the Mass.  

I could just keep typing and render a kind reader into thoughtful sleepiness after a little while. Don't want to do that. What I do want to do is make a major point or two.

When we talk about the Body of Christ, there are many connections with the Real Presence other than the Mass itself. For example, as Catholics, we venerate the presence of God in the word (The Scriptures) as we do in the Mass. This is why we can see at Mass the connections between reading the Word of God and the celebration of the Eucharist itself. Jesus told us that where two or three are gathered together, he is right there in the midst of them. (If that is not a real Presence, then I don't know what is!)

There are many topics about the Eucharist which could be easily written (well,perhaps not easily, but it can be done) This is not the day to do it, but someday, in the future, it might be.

For now, just know - the presence of God in the Eucharist is Real. It exists. It is the heart of our faith. This is what we believe. This is what we celebrate on the Feast of Corpus Christi.

Here is another dimension of the Eucharist - adoration - praying to God in the Eucharist.  Here is what Pope Francis said about the spiritual practice of adoration:

Sorry We're Closed - We're Open - May 28, 2012

These are the two signs that have appeared in our churches during the past year of the pandemic. Both expressed a message to support public health. Generally, people followed the messages when churches were closed. Now that they are open, people seem a little cautious, but hopeful.

The "Sorry We're Closed" sign set off a tremendous amount of activity in parishes. Each parish had to increase its connection with their people if their people did not physically enter their building. Parish music programs were uprooted, although some used creative ways to continue their music ministry. Parish programs quickly morphed into on-line experiences. People that had never picked up a computer manual in their lives suddenly become experts at ZOOM and a host of other things on the internet.

Although this is speculative, it does make sense that those parishes that had the most contact with their people found their people supporting their parish at levels almost approaching pre-pandemic. Parishes that do not do much to reach out to their people  - well, let's say - their results were predictable. Sigh.

I was intrigued by the quick shifts people made in order to at least have some experience of prayer and worship through live-stream liturgies. This happened far more quickly than I would ever have imagined. Now, with the "we're open" signs rapidly appearing in most parishes, we will face another phenomenon. What does it take - what must we do - so that people will feel comfortable in returning to buildings that were pretty much closed for the last few months.

As I look at what has happened in various segments of everyday life, it seems reasonable to suggest that the return will be staggered.  Because a bishop announces that the churches will reopen and that people can return to their parish church, while it might be nice, it does not generally mean that people will instantly change the habits formed during the pandemic and just return to church.

We look at the types of enticements being offered to people to get their vaccines - and the great success they have had in increasing the number of people being vaccinated.  Regardless of the approach that is used, it is not going to happen quickly or automatically. What will cause people to change their routine formed over the past year and return to the churches. Pastors and church ministers need to reach out to their people - and ask them - what can they do to make possible their return to church.

If it takes 20-50 days to build a habit, then how many days to help extricate themselves from the pattern of watching Mass on live-stream - and actually gingerly (sorry, atrocious grammar) head into church.

I'm going to start thinking about this  - why don't you do the same and share it with your parish leaders.  We are all in new territory here. The Eucharist is the heart of the Church - certainly the heart of being Catholic. How can we restore the exerience of worship and prayer that our people have missed for the past year? Easier said than done. Practical insightful minds need to figure this out.

Minimally, I figure it will take until the fall to see an appreciable difference. I would love to be proven wrong.

 

 

This is Jeopardy (but not mine - sigh) - May 21, 2021

 

I never was drawn to watching Jeopardy until I was fully retired. Not sure why, but that was the way it was.  I now tape and watch the episodes whenever I can.  In customary humility, I think of what  wonderful contestant I might be - a chance to easily $100,000 to help with rent, food, and everything else.  As with most of my imaginings, I am somewhat like a little kid at the midnight smorgasbord on an ocean cruise. Look at all the wonderful foods, especially the desserts. Must take as much as I can carry without calling too much attention to myself.

As you know, there are two versions of Jeopardy available: one are the reruns which still feature Alex Trebek as host. What a master of the experience. His light touch makes it look easy. Of course, it is not, but I can dream, or at least casually speculate that I could do that.   The version is more of a prime-time version - where, at present, different persons are trying out as guest hosts. I tape them all - and watch them quickly.

I have disabused myself of the idea that I could be a contestant on Jeopardy. Periodically, I keep score for myself. Sometimes, I do pretty good. Other times, shall we say, a little or even a los less good! (so much for good grammar)

The humiliating time is when I watch and, once in a while, do not get one single answer correct. Clearly, something is wrong with the TV. But it is fun. 

Next move is to load the app onto my phone to see how I do with that version. I have a hunch that another champion will not emerge.  As in many other experiences where I think something would be easy, it just is not. These contestants are really good. They often have a breadth and depth of knowledge that is impressive.  I can often answer a number of the questions, but never enough to be a contender. 

With my luck, I would be a contestant - the category would be religion - and the question would be:  Was Jesus a Cubs fan? I probably would receive not one cent. But the knowledge learned through watching Jeopardy is just fun and far more compelling than other things I could be doing.

What does this have to do with my field? Simple, there is a whole body of knowledge about Jesus and the Church that we each really need to try to know. I wince when you ask someone "what do you have to know to be a Catholic, and they answer confidently, The Ten Commandments. They should only be given partial credit because the answer is correct, but doesn't it make you wonder why they could not mention something Jesus said in the New Testament rather than something in the Old Testament? We do need to know the message of the Old Testament, the history of our salvation - and the message of the New Testament involving Jesus and the growth of the Church. Excuse the very inadequate example: it would be like breathing with just one lung and we have too lungs to use.  

I do perk up when one of the Jeopardy categories is Religion.  I'm pretty good at that area, thank goodness! But I['m also not perfect when it involves religions outside of our Judeo-Christian tradition.

Knowledge is good. We can all learn more. We can even discover that the more we learn, the deeper our faith.

So, if you're watching Jeopardy, know that I'm watching with you. And if you answer more questions than me - good for you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nattering Nabobs of Negativism - May 14, 2021

There are certain words that are interesting to say. Here is one special phrase written by "William Safire and used by Spiro Agnew in a speech in 1970: nattering nabobs of negativism. This was a wonderful phrase. It was fun to say. Sadly I have never used this in a talk or homily, but this does not mean that it might not suddenly appear sometime. My hunch and hope would be sooner rather than later! Safire used words to paint pictures. Agnew used words to skewer.  Both were good at it.

You would be excused for questioning the purpose of the above paragraph in this post.  But I do have a point to make that occurred to me a week or so ago.

As I get older (and I apparently am getting older - and know a large number of people who are getting older as well - go figure!) I find that I resist being around negative people.  I can get sucked into their line of thought; they go over and over the same negative stuff and I just don't like it anymore.  While, in the past, I was never wild about all the negative talk on things, but I just can't take it anymore. It may be another welcome benefit of practicing transcendental meditation.

I'm seeing more clearly now. Since I fully retired from my two jobs, I realize that there now has come a time in my life when I have choices about what I do, who I see, whom I talk with, what I read, and all sorts of things. I even have choices about what I eat, what I watch on TV, and more frequently, what I think about. What is highly important on the list of things mentioned in the paragraph - is that I just do not want to spend time with negative people. They cannot totally be removed from my life - but I can take steps not to be around them if possible - and, most importantly - shield myself from letting their negativity overwhelm me and remain with me.  Being rather polite, I typically can look interested when I really hate to be in the presence of such people. I am quietly calling them a whole variety of names which at least amuses me a little!

I am especially sensitive to the really negative people who keep putting other people down. Must be nice to be perfect!I realize that I have been on my soapbox (a well-used soapbox at times) while pontificating about negative people. But in writing about nattering nabobs of negativism, it also brings me up short when I am negative. It is so unnecessary. Often it is so unkind. I have to avoid this in myself - and maybe this might nudge others to do so as well.

 

 

 

  

 

Mother's Day - Honoring our Mothers - and Mary, the Mother of God - May 7, 2012

 

Mother's Day is a day to honor our mothers and to honor Mary, the Mother of God. Pope Francis and other recent popes were known for their devotion to Mary. It is a great part of family life to honor our mothers on Mother's Day. (I am such a good son and member of the Church that I thought last weekend was Mother's Day.  I guess it is a good thing do make mistakes like this, lest I forget that I'm human - which seems to be happening a little more as the decades go galloping by.)

Mother's Day is a necessary and warm reminder of the role that our mothers play in our lives. There is no such thing as a perfect mother, a perfect priest, a perfect father, a perfect son or daughter, well, you know the drill. We are all human - some more than others! But it is a reality,

I would just like to suggest that we use this weekend as a time to really honor our mothers. If your mother has gone home to God, then pray for her. If she is still with you, pray for her. If needed, forgive your mother - as has probably forgiven you many times over the years. Thank God for all the sacrifices which she made for you - probably more than you ever realized.

True confession: I am much more appreciative of my mother now than I was decades ago. It has been a long time since I used to think of myself as the perfect child. I actually did think this until one day I just recognized that it was stupid, silly, and in no way accurate.

The connection with Mary, the Mother of God:  I believe that Mary shows us the passionate tenderness of God. It is a beautiful thought - and somehow our devotion to Mary is also linked with our prayers to God. 

Mary has been given a veritable plethora of titles in the history of the Church. Why do I mention this plethora? Simple, I like the word. I have not done much lately that I have found fun over the last several months. So why not indulge myself with using the word "plethora?"  Plethora. Plethora. Plethora. Then, I finally have it out of my system!

A few years ago, Mel Gibson produced a powerful film, the Passion of the Christ.  In that film, Maia Morgenstern, a Romanian actress, portrayed the role of Mary, Mother of Jesus.  While there are certain problems with the film's authenticity from the Gospels, there did not seem to be any problems with her acting. She was a phenomenal actress who brought to the role of Mary the power, the grace, the wisdom, the love, and the suffering all mentioned in the Scriptures. Most reviewers agree with me so I must be right!  She is an extraordinary actress who helped everyone appreciate in a much more complicated, yet direct way, the reality of the Mother of God.

 

Happy Mother's Day, everyone.  In the insightful words of Charlie Brown, "Survive!"

 

 

 

 

Perhaps we'll be OK - but it took a rocket ship! April 30, 2021

 

 

 

There are a steadily growing number of events which give us a reasonable hunch that we are all going to be OK.  Too many people are still sick from the coronavirus. But you cannot refute the fact that the vaccinations have caused fewer people to lose their lives. May this continue.

This occurred to me last week when I woke up at my usual time, 5 a.m. Sigh. I turned on the TV news station and saw that they were readying a countdown for the take off of a spaceship with four astronauts to go to the International Space Station.  As you can see, the takeoff was successful at about 5:40. 

I noticed an involuntary smile on my face and wondered why - maybe, just possibly, we were going to be OK.  Have you had any of those feelings? Well, it seems to be happening more frequently. The venom in our national conversations seems to be less. It is a wonderful feeling. 

W are now getting used to people having their injections. We are getting used to hearing more good health news and less bad health news.

I had three health things which, while not debilitating in any way, nonetheless concerned me. Two of the three have now been addressed due to the advances of medicine. In the past, they would never have been addressed at such a rapid rate. I do pray with gratitude to God for the achievements in medical science. I pray with gratitude for the availability of great medical insurance. Not everything is covered, but so much more than many people have available. Thank you, God.

 

Have you been languishing today? (Probably) - April 23, 2021

During the pandemic, many people have noticed a feeling of listlessness about many things. Routines that used to be so automatic have now become an effort. Things you may have noticed about yourself: what day is it; what did I do yesterday; did I remember to send that note or thank that person; what was the article about that I read yesterday?  What did I do this week, this month, even this year? How many good friends have I connected with during the past month? Have relationships, friendships, just faded away and I don't know what to do? Are you losing your mind? Is there something wrong with me? Am I super depressed? Do any of these thoughts remind you of yourself?  

(OK - I'll go first.) The above questions seem to resemble things that have occurred to me.  But, and now I'm breaking no confidences, but these things have happened to a lot of people that I know. What is actually going on? Sometimes, when things seem to be all jumbled, one way to begin to work things through is the simple act of naming what is doing on.  I and many others seem to be afflicted with the condition from social psychology known as languishing. A few days ago, I noticed an article in the New York Times by an organizational psychologist, Adam Grant. His article hit many publishing circles like a tsunami. He was right on target. Actually, he had recalled some work 20 years ago by Corey Keyes. Here is his definition of what is happening to many of us by languishing: “A state in which an individual is devoid of positive emotion toward life, and is not functioning well either psychologically or socially, and has not been depressed during the past year. In short, languishers are neither mentally ill nor mentally healthy.” The key is the last sentence: you are not nuts but something is awry. You're really in-between a little bit ill and a little bit healthy - which may possible be most of us in this awful pandemic. 

Here are the suggestions of Adam Grant to work through this languishing. I'll repeat a couple of sentences verbatim from the New York Times article because it makes so much sense:

"Find states of “flow,”.... There are pursuits (from hanging out with friends to playing the piano) that take you out of yourself. They bend time and place, in the best way. I would also personally recommend routine. Fill out a calendar, fill out a journal. Schedule meals. Go to bed at the same time every night.

The pandemic has taken so much from us, and for some, the final twist of the knife has been a loss of self. We don’t recognize ourselves, and down the line, that could lead to real scenes of mental illness, perhaps even a major depressive episode. Don’t expect to find excitement and excellence right away, but with a bit of intent, you can climb out of languishing’s purgatorial holding bay and get yourself right again."

Languishing is being experienced by so many people who may be at a loss for what is happening to them. I hope this might be helpful. I'm going to try the above suggestions since I really do not recognize myself in many ways. So it is time to start. Good luck.

 

 

 

 

 

A National, Not Local, Problem - Will the People return? - April 16, 2021

Here are two photos of religious congregations - one before and one during the Pandemic:

During this past  year: 

Our Future?

 

My brief thoughts in this post are simply my own, representing me, no one else. I'm fully retired. I speak for no one. (Have I made that clear? Hope so!)

I am really concerned how people, throughout the Church in the United States, will handle the return to "normal" after the pendemic. We do have a couple of dioceses that have revoked their past decisions removing the obligation for this past year of participating in Sunday Mass. 

What troubles me? Namely, unintended consequences. I doubt that there are many people in the Church who correctly predicted how quickly people would get used to the idea of no obligation to attend/participate in Mass. People easily set aside the practice of Mass attendance. Although I have seen no national surveys on this issue, but my hunch is that people easily and quickly morphed from a practice of attending Mass over decades, into a practice of attending Mass in their home, on their porch, and possibly, not attired in their Sunday best! Things changed quickly. 

There were various reactions along the way. Some, possibly in the majority, viewed this as a wise decision to protect public health. The response of some was fueled by political concerns and even blamed the pope,  local bishops and priests for "closing" their Churches. And lots of people in-between.

This brings us to the present day. It may be helpful to recall the research which highlighted reasons that bring people into Church (note that this was pre-pandemic research) People used to come to Church based upon a variety of factors - including high quality preaching that connected the message of the homily with the stories and experiences of people's lives; the felt experience of parish community, warm and inviting; high quality music; and so many others. 

I would be surprised if people would just fall-in lockstep behind each other and re-appear in church the next Sunday because a bishop asks/tells/invites them to return. Why? Even as churches were given permission to have people return, though under restrictions about social distancing and officially allowed numbers in the church, they did not all flock right back into church. They came almost gingerly to try it out - but in no way with numbers that seemed large. We have not yet seen the effects on church attend after larger numbers being vaccinated. Will this change? Hopefully. But we need to be smart.

The most productive way may simply mean following an old maxim: Make haste slowly. Slow, steady progress is a good way to proceed. Given some of the unpredictability of the virus and variants, we need to go slow enough to respect people's concerns and fast enough to build up momentum in returning. 

As with most things involving social change and even personal change, things take time. There is an organizational principle that Stephen Covey often repeated, slow is fast and fast is slow. If you want to make lasting effective change, then do it slowly - and results will be far quicker than if you rush it.  In Jersey jargon, just saying.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Keep the Flame Going - Easier Said than Done - April 9, 2012

Which Flame are You like? Which Flame is your Parish like?

Do you keep things going - for yourself - Does your parish?

Or do things turn to this?

(I feel more visual than verbal today.)

It is incredibly hard to keep things going - to keep momentum - in regular activities - in relationships - and in parishes. 

Do you just let yourself coast?  Does your parish just coast?

 

 

Some brief thoughts:  When relationships just coast, we will be in trouble unless we act to change.

Parishes that coast will ultimately wither and die - even though many people will still come to church. But they are held captive by a routine, not the promise of new life that a parish can and should offer. 

One of the most exciting thing about Catholic parishes are those that resolutely refuse to coast.  To never stop trying things. To recognize that their parishioners are their customers - and, therefore, they have to meet their needs, find out what they want, and connect with their dreams.

Many successful marriages, successful partnerships, know the value of date nights, giving each other space when needed, listening without speaking, and just celebrating the gift of each other - every single day. A relationship is hard work. It is that simple, but few things on earth can be as rewarding.

Easter is our celebration of the dream that never dies. The most incredible dream we could ever have. The non-abandoning love of God.

Don't coast. It is not worth it. Be drawn to the empty tomb - and realize what draws us beyond that tomb - and into eternal life.

(Entering the tomb of Jesus in the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, Jerusalem - The most sacred place on earth - with the exception of anywhere that Mass is celebrated!)

 

 

Sorry, Easter Bunny! - April 2, 2021

This post has nothing to do with Santa Claus. It is all about the Easter Bunny and a little about Santa Claus. During the decades while I was pastor, I served once as the Easter Bunny at a parish function and once as Santa Claus. Both events were fun. 

I was thinking this morning about the Easter Bunny and Santa this morning. I knew the background of Santa Claus, especially through Saint Nicholas (living in the Morristown area, how could you not believe in Saint Nicholas!) I was somewhat puzzled about the origin of the Easter Bunny. Frankly, after doing a little research, I am still puzzled. 

The best I could come up with was a few strands in history involving German Lutherans. The Easter Bunny would judge who had been good or bad - and give gifts based upon this assessment. The story did not really cause me to say, "Wow!"

There is always the argument from experience. My experience with the Easter Bunny is that the creature is a benign influence, does not speak, gives children eggs - and, most importantly, is a gentle benign presence. The Easter Bunny, if the one wearing the costume is properly trained, does not speak to anyone - just listens - and makes no promises.

Santa is a totally different story. People, especially kids, make demands of poor Santa. They tell him what they want - and, while not threatening Santa with harm, the approach to Santa is different than the approach to the Easter Bunny. 

Wonder if Santa just denied their thoughtful requests? Not nice of Santa.

Theological question: do we have to believe in the Easter Bunny? If you like the Easter Bunny, great. Do we have to believe in Santa Claus? Don't be a Scrooge. Believe in Santa. 

It is fun playing with these two images. But it is joyful thinking about what we observe at Holy Week and Easter, the greatest of our feasts. Don't forget what Easter is all about? Life. God's promises kept to Jesus. Eternal life. 

Now I am absolutely serious: Jesus conquered sin and death - and so will we - because God never ever abandons the ones that God loves. This is what it is all about. This is what we need to remember to truly get through everything the world throws at us. Easter is what gives us hope. Easter reminds us not to give up. Easter encourages us when we feel everything is lost and not worth it. The empty tomb is what our world discovered on Easter. Our world discovered that life wins - and that settles everything else. So stay with it. It is worth it - perhaps not in the short run, or the middle run - but definitely in the ultimate run. We will finally learn that it is safe to trust God. Not everything will turn out as we want. But God won't abandon us. Remember what Mary Magdalene discovered. The tomb was empty. She saw Jesus. She understood what had happened. Thanks to her - we now know where we too are headed.

Final scene of the Passion Play at Oberramagau, 2010:

Alleluia - He Is Risen

 

 

A and P Catholics

If you are in church ministry as a line of work, you probably use initials as a shorthand for various parish programs. Here are some of the most commonly used: RCIA - Rite of 
Christian Initiation of Adults; CCD - Confraternity of Christian Doctrine or a variety of other words designed to fill out the initials CCD; RC - Roman Catholic; PV - Parochial Vicar. The Vatican is filled with groups known by their initials - most Catholic can go their entire life and not have to content with any of them. Then we come to possibly one of the most used  - A & P Catholics - stands for Ashes and Palms Catholics. This can be a positive or a negative abbreviation - but still it is widely used in Church circles.

Ashes and Palms - Here is what it means and what is the connection:

 

Ashes are the byproduct of burning palms, a clear way of explaining - "Remember you are dust and unto dust you will return."  This is the positive spiritual meaning of A and P Catholics. Nothing denigrating about it. That is the way it should be. Unfortunately, there are some who use the abbreviation to look down on those people that they feel only come twice a year - Ash Wednesday and Palm Sunday. There are some in Church ministry who do like to feel superior to people that are not as enlightened as they are. So they pity those pour souls who truly do not understand the beauty of the symbols and all the liturgies of Lent.

The Church ministers who seem to be putting people down by using the phrase "A and P Catholics" may see themselves as far more sophisticated than the rest of the people who really feel genuinely deprived if they do not receive ashes and palms. It seems to me that we forget who educated our people in the ways, the mores, and the customs of our faith. This topic puts me right on my personal soapbox - especially when I hear church ministers talking about the people who do not come to Church. Just a personal thought, but in my gentle view, how the heck can you criticize people for not coming to Church if the quality of preaching is not outstanding. A mountain (slight exaggeration!) has documented repeatedly how important are the following factors in whether people come to Mass (first is quality of preaching, then a welcoming community and music that draws people into a community of believers in Jesus. Can we not take and consider our own responsibility for the quality of preaching, the liturgical music, an environment of joy and caring within the parish community.

The quality of preaching in parishes is one of the most documented and addressable problems in the life of the church. The devotional life of our people is nurtured through all the various things that come so us from our senses - stained glass, ashes, palms, medals, statues, religious art and so many other things.

So my personal opinion, and off the soapbox, use the palms, use the ashes, use so many things, soak in the music- and everything about our faith we can use.  And, just a suggestion which I do apply first to myself, and often forget (sadly): we need to be gentle with each other. News flash:  few of us are perfect! Sorry, this is what the data shows!

 

I would make just one edit in the above graphic: "Work hard and be kind ABOUT each other."

 

 

St. Joseph - worth celebrating! - March 19, 2019

Arguably, Joseph has had an inconsistent history in the life of the Church. Clearly, the focus was on Mary, rather than Joseph. He was the foster father of Jesus. The Scriptures tell us little about Joseph - and we do not hear of him beyond the earliest chapters of the Gospels of Matthew and Luke. Despite those few references, through the history of the Church, Joseph accumulated many titles, devotions, and prayer in the Church. Pope Francis has dedicated this year to St. Joseph. He wrote that “St. Joseph reminds us that those who appear hidden or in the shadows can play an incomparable role in the history of salvation.” Joseph was certainly in the shadows, silent, his words never recorded.

It seems that, over the history of the Church, we have all been invited to "fill in the blanks" of much of Joseph's life. How did people know what to fill in? My hunch is that people saw Joseph as one of the primary influences upon the life of Jesus. How could he not be? He was obviously filled with overwhelming love for Mary and Jesus. He was obviously present for some of the most miraculous events in the history of our salvation.

I'm simply suggesting that we not lose sight of who Joseph is and what he can be for each of us. Our doctrine about Jesus is quite clear that he possessed both humanity and divinity. He was God and Man. Joseph pointed us to this - this quiet person who helped to guide Jesus and did so through his love of Mary.

There is a statue of Saint Joseph that I just discovered a couple of years ago (I lead a sheltered life!). The purpose of this statue of St.Joseph is to write your prayer requests down and place them under the statue. Joseph will work on them while we are sleeping. It is not a bad leap theologically - we are asking the one who took care of Jesus and Mary to take care of us as well.

The sleeping St. Joseph statue can be found in religious goods stores around the world - and is in stock at amazon.com.

I like the theology of this devotion and what it suggests is the role of Saint Joseph. This makes a little more sense to me than burying a statue of St. Joseph in your backyard so your house will sell. But what can I say? Many houses do well. Many prayers are answered. St. Joseph has pretty good connections in the Holy Family. The older I become, the less I say things  like "oh, that could never happen."

Happy St. Joseph Day.

The sleeping St. Joseph statue can be found in religious goods stores around the world - and is in stock at amazon.com.

I like the theology of this devotion and what it suggests is the role of Saint Joseph. This makes a little more sense to me than burying a statue of St. Joseph in your backyard so your house will sell. But what can I say? Many houses do well. Many prayers are answered. St. Joseph has pretty good connections in the Holy Family. The older I become, the less I say things  like "oh, that could never happen."

Happy St. Joseph Day.

The sleeping St. Joseph statue can be found in religious goods stores around the world - and is in stock at amazon.com.

I like the theology of this devotion and what it suggests is the role of Saint Joseph. This makes a little more sense to me than burying a statue of St. Joseph in your backyard so your house will sell. But what can I say? Many houses do well. Many prayers are answered. St. Joseph has pretty good connections in the Holy Family. The older I become, the less I say things  like "oh, that could never happen."

Happy St. Joseph Day.

Saint Patrick and the Irish - March 17, 2021

(Explanation - this is the first time that I have repeated a past posting for a particular date. So, I wrote this about Saint Patrick two years ago. I like it! Hope you do as well.)

March 17, 2019

Ok, having spent yesterday’s post extolling the importance of recognizing that we are all part of a mosaic and not a melting pot, it is time to focus on one particular part of the mosaic - being Irish. I start with the customary disclaimer that everyone should focus on their own ethnic group - and revel in it. So today’s feast of Saint Patrick gives me the freedom, if not the responsibility, to focus on the Irish without intending any unflattering comparisons with any other nationality or ethnic group.

Where does one start? God is Irish. Jesus is Irish. The Holy Spirit is Irish. Mary, the mother of Jesus, is an Irish mother. The Irish discovered America, electricity, cures for cancer, solar power, properly brewed Guiness, fashion, music, baseball, golf, literature, sculpture, poetry, the family, the Catholic Church (only the good parts), computers, . The Irish were the finest in these occupations or livlihoods: acting, singing, architecture, science, medicine, the social sciences, horseracing, agriculture, falconry, politics, and the list goes on and on.

The Irish are humble, even-tempered, somber, sober, inquisitive, love golden retrievers, castles, and the color, green. Years ago, Thomas Cahill wrote a book titled “How the Irish Saved Civilization.” You’ll get no argument from me. We do this every single day. 

I have heard, possibly from legends, that there are Irish people who enjoy a good time, savor medicinal spirits in liquid form, and frequent roadside chapels in Ireland that some call pubs. 

Over a long time, I have been up to speed on the sociology of the Irish people - and most especially Irish Catholic Americans. What can I say other than there is no group like them. That is a safe non-belligerent statement = which also recognizes that there are Irish Catholics who are more than capable of being belligerent - none of you, of course.

I do revel in being an Irish Catholic American from Chicago. That is my particular lot in life. I hope that each of you revels in what ever nationality/ethnic group/place of birth you have. We each need to revel in what we are and who we are. To me, this is part of being Catholic and American. 

TODAY'S GRATITUDE: For being an Irish Catholic American Cubs fan from Chicago.

 

Statue at Croag Patrick, Mayo, Ireland

Nice vs. Not Nice - March 16, 2021

A number of people who know me more than cursorily know that I'm trying to learn vegan cooking. It is a difficult journey because cooking for me is, at best, an unnatural act. One of my most spectacular failures was a few years ago - Vegan Shepherd's Pie.  The healthy ingredients somehow were on the floor, on cabinets and counters, and naturally, my clothes. I am determined to keep at it. One of my most consistent successes is the vegan version of ice cream which I found in one of the books by Doctor Joel Fuhrman. Ice cream in his vegan recipes has been renamed Nice cream - a lovely name for food which is both healthy and delicious.

As you may be aware, the word "nones" has crept into social science research  and popular reporting. For some reason, I thought about this as I was considering the fact of those who are nice and those who are not.  Nones essentially means those who do not have a particular spiritual home. It is a growing number of people today.  I always considered myself blessed to serve in a parish with such an incredibly high number of "nice" people. What a pleasure to work with people who were genuinely nice. This did not mean that there were no challenges, but give me "nice" any day of the week. An awful large number of the "nones" are nice people as well.

Why am I carrying on about "nones" and "nice"? In all my decades of serving at the parish, I only encountered a handful of people who just were not nice. The fact was so pronounced that those who were not "nice" really stood out. I can sadly remember just about all those particular people by name. Some of them really got to me because they were so uncharacteristically vicious compared to all the other people. I tried as best as possible never to engage directly with these people, but it was difficult. Had to practice incredible restraint - and was mostly successful over the decades. I do know that this handful of people that were just not nice really got to me. They drained the oxygen right out of me. They made me wish that my home blood pressure monitoring machine could measure higher rates, etc. 

I felt really sorry for those who had to contend with this person on a more regular basis, especially at home, places of work, etc.  Frankly, I seethed inside = and hopefully did not show it.

It was far from an instant or default response, but after a while, I finally calmed down and I began to pray for the nasty person. I kept it up. Did it help? I don't know if it helped the person, but I do know it helped me.

Interesting thing was that these people who were not nice got to me not because they may have disagreed with me about something. Heck, that can happen in so many areas = and we can all disagree. This happened when they were simply nasty  = not nice.

Sharing these few lines about those who are not nice gives me another chance to appreciate so profoundly the type of people at the parish. I'm grateful for you in my life over these decades. I hope you have a great Easter in a few weeks. Heck, if I run into you, I may even give you "nice" cream! If I meet you and you are one of the incredibly few people who are Not Nice to me- GRRRRRRRR. I have forgiven you even though you still raise my blood pressure. Can't you try to be nicer? I'm a nice person. I might even give you "nice" cream!

By the way, the "nice" vegan ice cream is a lot healthier for you and your pets than regular ice cream.

 

 

Getting the Last Year Back - Were friendships lost during the pandemic - Part I - March 12, 2012

So many people feel that they lost a year. I know that I do. Certainly, my list of people with whom I'm in contact has really become much smaller. This was not a conscious act, but rather a process that happened when things were so totally different from the pandemic - and I did not know enough to do otherwise. I'm going to write a couple of posts about my friends - of all shapes and sizes.  This will actually help me look at those people who have not been part of my life since the pandemic began - and I really want to change things. 

True friends have been a valued part of my life, but candidly I have not finished what hopefully waning time of the pandemic with the same number of true friends.  I go back to this Irish bull which still seems to contain more wisdom than most words about friends: You only know who your true friends are - when the lights go out in the pub. How sadly true this is. I don't like it. Can there be objective reasons why I seem to have fewer friends, real good friends, at the end of the pandemic, rather than before the pandemic.

I have tried to figure out some different categories of friends - looked at things that, in hindsight, were preventable, looked at things that can still be changed, and realized that some were acquaintances or possibly even fair-weather friends.

I know there are different types of friends.  This clip from Frasier painful sense:

WE find substitutes, but there are really no commercial substitutes for great friends.  

I have some great friends who are genuinely outraged if someone has been mean to me or not fair to me, I easily and quickly share the favor - and we remind each other of loyalty.

These types of friends are valuable - but exhausting and treasured nonetheless.

I have tremendous feelings of abandonment - maybe due to my background or other factors. But I do not handle abandonment well. 

Winnie the Pooh says that "how lucky I am to have something that makes saying good-bye so hard."  I remember this at times when I feel abandoned, and start to recall the "abandoning" person with gratitude. But it takes a lot of effort to keep being grateful, especially when they are many miles away.

I return to the words of Jesus who reminded us what is so necessary in our lives and relationships. Jesus promised that he would not leave us orphans, but would always be with us. It is worth remembering, especially when there is a lot of abandonment going on!

Need friends for life who will never move away. Sometimes, this works, but many times things do not stay the same and that makes it hard. Feelings of abandonment stink. The pandemic makes it worse. We need to remember God's reminder:

 

I am blessed because only one of my closest friends moved away. But the loss is there.  How dare they? And - now I understand when people express their outrage over my retirement.  (What goes around comes around!)

To be continued in a few more posts. Want to share some of the incredible great things that I have received from extraordinarily good friends.

Lest you wonder, some of my closest friends were not golden retrievers!